Entered the angry stage

[storyworld]

I was told, to heal, that I need to reach a place where I became angry about what I experienced. I don't know how true that is, but I can say, I have reached that place in regard to my mother. I'm so spitting mad right now. In some ways, I can see how this is beneficial as I've, up until now, wanting a relationship with her (with the mom I had continually been hoping she would become). But I can now see how intentionally manipulate she's been. I've known she's manipulative, but meaning how pathological her manipulations are, how effectively she messed with my head for so long, how she played me and my siblings against one another to get us to serve, rescue, and cater to her, and how incapable of change she is. I've been told my others that she's a covert narcissist, and while I could understand why they said that, my brain was still too "messed with" to fully embrace the truth. I now have no doubt that she is indeed a narcissist and that she truly did not care about me, nor does she now, nor is she capable of doing so. In fact, looking back on my childhood, I believe the times she did act "loving" was either to portray an image of a doting mother to the general public and to deceive my siblings, and the times since that she's played the "loving" card was to get something from me (usually, money).

I fully recognize her narcissism came from horrific abuse she suffered as a kid. That aspect does initiate a level of compassion within me. But that does not negate my anger. And perhaps for the first time ever, I finally feel freed from my desperate attempts to gain her love. I now know she is incapable of love, empathy, or of being even remotely the type mother I would want to engage with.

[NarcKiddo]

Progress does not always feel pleasant. But it sounds like you're making it.

[jimrich]

I can only share my reality here.
Soon after beginning Recovery in 12 support groups, I came to see/feel the huge OCEAN of bitter, hateful rage I'd been suppressing since about 4-5 and it nearly overwhelmed me at first.  I was so ANGRY that i wanted to go start fights in bars, commit road rage, hit and beat anything available BUT, thanks to Recovery work, I decided to find out how to do SAFE ANGER WORK & then I accidentally found a library book that explained exactly how to do SAFE anger work.  I don't recall the book title nor author but it got me SAFELY thru the process. I'm still angry with and at my parents but not as much as when I began Recovery. 
I wish you peace and relief.......

[Beijaflor57]

I think the 'anger stage' is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Went through this myself over a year ago, when I realized I was dealing with a narcissist in my family, as well as scapegoating abuse from the narc and various siblings. The realization I wasn't to blame for everything and that I was being treated very unfairly and cruelly filled me with righteous indignation.

While my anger has lessened, it still bubbles up occasionally, and it's been my anger that has given me the courage to finally stand up for myself and confront those who were abusing me.

So I see anger as being helpful...as long as we don't get too stuck in it.

Best to each of you in the journey.