Activity 2 of Self-help: Time with children to express your inner child

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C.

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Reminder: In order to honor our group process we ask that only current members post and respond here please.  Thank you.

Note:  Your recovery is unique to you.  These topics and activities are suggestions.  Please feel free to do and respond to those that work for you at this time.

2.   If you have children, this is a good time to renew your relationship with them and to plan some activities that allow you to be a child along with them.  If you don't have children, or if you have some extra time, consider volunteering at a daycare center or school and let yourself enjoy childhood from your new vantage point. Use your time with children to let your inner child come out and express itself through the activities of a healthy childhood drawing, telling and listening to stories, playing games and singing songs.  Enjoy this inner child and reclaim it as an important part of who you are today.


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VeryFoggy

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For the last few weeks I have been going over to my daughter's house and giving her a Mom's Day off.  I am taking care of my 8 month old granddaughter, as well as the other older 3 when they get home from school.  It' been a delight playing with my newest grandchild, and she is learning and changing so fast.  It brings back so many memories of my own when they were small.  Also last week I asked my 7 year old granddaughter if I could jump with her on her trampoline.  She agreed to let me, and it was so much fun! I know I am sorely lacking in fun in my life and I know I need more of it.  I need to dance more as I truly enjoy it, and I am also  considering buying a jetski again. I live on a lake. But that is a rather expensive toy. But it is something I used to do alone and I enjoyed so much. My child does need some more fun!

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C.

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How fun for you and your grandchildren.  And that you asked, so cute.  I'm sure your grandchildren will have many fond memories of you playing with them.  A jet ski, wow, I've always been pretty intimidated by those but have enjoyed water skiing in the past.  I bet you would have tremendous fun!

I'm quite fortunate in that my job requires that I "play."  Tonight I had to play in a pool and jacuzzi, I enjoyed the bubbles :)  Sometimes it is hard to really let loose like a child though, find that freeing type of joy.  I think I will work on that this week.

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VeryFoggy

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You know this is something I need to look at.  Hard. Why am I SO hard on myself?  So restrictive?  So NOT giving to myself ?

I have a hot tub.  I could sit in it every day if I wanted to.  But I use it only about 4-5 times a year, for company.  So I will use it for company, but not for myself? I am not worth it?  I love to read fiction.  Passionately.  But I only allow it for a few minutes a day, maybe 30 total.  Even though it is one of the most relaxing things I can do for myself.  Same with floating on a raft in my pool.  It's wonderful.  But again, I restrict it tightly, rarely do it. Dancing?  Same thing, rarely.

My therapist has assigned me homework.  She wants me to go get a massage.  This is week 3 since she assigned it, and I STILL have not done it.  Why? I am SO hard on myself, and I don't know why?  I think I am afraid I will get out of control, and become hedonistic and devote my life to pleasure and fun. Lose my balance.  I think I am supposed to be working all of the time. And I am retired! 

But I spend my time either on home repair and gardening, which is a chore and not much fun, but somewhat satisfying when I complete a task.  Spreadsheets and tracking things of interest to me, and also on learning something new, and self improvement.  I do consider learning about Narcissism, my past and how to get better, under the umbrella of self improvement. And there's more self improvement which is watching my diet, and sometimes going over the top with exercise, and taking care of my grandkids, and being of service. So I am out of control except the other way. I spend too much time trying to get better, instead of just enjoying what I have.

I wish so much that I could live a more balanced life, and not feel guilty for enjoying some things, and taking some time out to just enjoy.  But no, it's like I am some sort of a robot, and driven, and only "allowed" to do something constructive. With small treats scattered sparsely along the way.

Does anybody else struggle with this?  If yes, what is the cure?

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bee

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I also have a very hard time doing things that are enjoyable to me. Wish I knew the answer.

I will not be spending time with children, way too triggering.

I will try to spend more time coloring. I've got some great Dover 'stained glass' coloring books.

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C.

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Iíve been spending more time w/a friend who has several children.  Iíve really enjoyed ďplayingĒ with them.  Also observing how they handle their emotions and how their parents respond to their emotions.  Two of the kids are young (4 y.o, 5 yo) so they experience BIG emotions.  My friend responds wonderfully.  And itís giving me the opportunity to see with new eyes. 

Yesterday one of the girls cried and told me she was upset b/c her sister cheated, I validated her frustration and asked what she wanted to do.  She settled and then decided to rejoin the group and didnít need to go find her mom after all.  One funny thing is that I really admire this womanís parenting and my son says she told him that she learned it from meÖ

I also let myself go to run and play in a field w/the kids.  It was great.

I think that my friend will be living close by me again for the next few years so Iím looking forward to interacting with both her and her children.