Healing journal (tw) Angering / strong emotions

[StartingHealing]

Aphotic,

Thank you for the kind words. IDK it wasn't that at least consciously I was expecting the worse. It was ... a weird a$$ mix of an expectation (don't want to be late) knowing that I'm capable.  I mean the things I have pulled off / survived is actually stunning when I think about it.  Some situations, totally on me.  Others, wasn't on me at all.  More of the adults did certain actions and I was caught in the consequences.

 Been wondering about the 'as the tree grows'.  It makes sense to a certain point but it also ignores that inner something that most things have that pushes healing and wholeness.  Yes, scars are part and parcel and the scars to me are the lessons learned from going through those experiences. 

 I'm starting to consider that perhaps there is a tie in to something back in childhood with 'getting lost / care giver lost me'.  This is all conjecture on my part because from birth till 9 months old is a black hole of info.  Feeling wise, momma was 'lost'.  I know that in the long term arc of my history I obviously survived, yet communicating that to the preverbal aspect of self, how is that accomplished? 

I wonder if due to the former spouses consistent expression of her madness if all of that got twisted round into something that I'm dealing with today. I suspect that it is actually that.

I think I need to start cultivating contacts for certain plant teachers.  I also need to start digging in and finding a informed hypnotherapist.  Not interested in past lives (yes that is possible with hypnotherapy) more interested if that inner something can be reached and triggered? negotiated with? to release healing at all levels.  Multiple rituals going to be happening here. 

 
Wishing all here, all the best

[StartingHealing]

Sept 3, 2024

Been wondering about a lot of different things of late.  The 'past' is one of them.  Where is what of the 'past' that has such a hold on me?  Worse than a gator with lock jaw.  Is it the emotional charge that maintains it?  Where are memories stored anyhow?  Are memories only a pattern of brain neurons firing together?  Are they stored in the body in some manner?  Or are they stuck somewhere else because consciousness is a non-local phenomenon as being suggested by them quantum physics folks? or is it D. All the above?

Could it also be the point of view in which the memories are viewed that maintains the emotional charge?  I have read up on hypnosis and one way that a hypnotherapist helps drain the emotional charge is to suggest that the color of that snap shot of the past drains away, and the snap shot is now only black and white.  I know for me, because of the preverbal events I went through, as I was able to change my POV on them, the emotional charge also changed.  For some reason I have a tendency to minimize my achievements.  Considering the cohort, I'm not in jail, yeah, addicted to caffeine and nicotine but nothing else, stable employment, stable friends, enjoy things, there is areas that are funky which I wonder how much of that is being driven by the crazy that modernity is.  When I stop and consider .. how many bureaucratic systems do I interact with on the daily?  this also feeds back into the question I had a while back of the reciprocity twixt me and 'society'. 

It's kinda strange to think about all the people that I'm dependent on for my daily life that I have no idea who they are.  Water, sewer, electric, food, fuel, payroll, banking, like that ain't normal considering the arc of history.

Other things need to be done so will end here.

Wishing all here all the best.   

[StartingHealing]

Sept 7 2024

Swung by here, don't know why.  Nothing 'bad', no stuff going on that I'm aware of.  At least consciously.  It's the weekend.  Waiting for laundry to finish.  had a good walk with my doggo this AM.  Had good food, ice water (yeah I'm one of those folks  ) coffee, ahhh what a wonderful brew. Slept well. have $ in pocket and bank, debating on opening the bag of unreal snicker candy bar clone.  Dark chocolate, no where near as sweet as snickers, highly addictive actually.  Have a acid jazz channel streaming music and things are pretty good at the moment.  I am grateful for this space.  I am grateful for all the brave souls here. 

Wishing all here, all the best

[StartingHealing]

Sept 15 2024

*?  Weird fecal matter going on the last few days.  ghosts of memories past have been coming up over the last couple of days.  Plus I'm fighting myself on doing the classwork for the class I'm in.  Ugh, the provided material ssssssuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkksssssss.  I'm not the brightest crayon but I'm no slouch either, and the material is very frustrating. 

the ghosts of memories past, people, places, situations, yeah really odd in that it's not ... I have yet to discern commonalities twixt them.  Even on a emotional level, unless it's a general shedding of the past that I've been packing unknowingly.  Or is there some other level of common crapola tween it? 

Weird things like the dentist that the parents took me to.  The first chiropractor I ever went to. A flash of a 'good' time with the former spouse, an experience with one of the older folks that were around when I was growing up, being on a motorcycle and all the poop went away and I was there in the moment. 

Perhaps it's also a symptom that I'm changing into another phase of my experience here in this realm.  Rolling from one vibration level into a higher one, and to do that, wouldn't the past, which doesn't exist except in memory, which what the he77 is memory anyway? need to be shed like a snake shedding it's skin? 

My mentor has told me that generally speaking, when someone comes to mind that is spirit doing it for their benefit since the protocol is to "send" them strength, courage, peace or whatever 'fits' at the moment.  Then you can tell that thought to get out of the thinking meat.  I've been doing the same thing with the ghosts of memories past that have been coming to call of late.

Somehow or the other, I'll get through. 

Wishing all here, all the best. 

[StartingHealing]

09/23/2024

Listening to Sleep Token track Granite.  Nuggets of memory bubble to the surface of my awareness, I seek amongst them one of, even a meh memory, rather than the bubbling of hurt/anger/powerlessness.  At the moment tis something to accept for I know if I engage that will trigger a reinforcement, and there will be more of it.  I know there is a mental illness / personality disorder there and yet, and yet, the desire rises to be the fly on the wall when she gets her comeuppance along with a twinge of helping karma to find it's target.  Meanwhile, recognizing that she literally is creating her own * on this plane and I don't what to be anywhere close when it does hit the fan or rather it is more like a very slow and tedious collapse.

I admit that there are vast assumptions on my part in regards to this in regards what is considered to be 'good' and 'not good'.  I'm using what I have found to be the human positive basis.  Maslow's hierarchy plus the knowledge of what folks need on a social level. 

the feeling of being 'taken advantage' of is still something that I wrestle with.  Plus the rest of the emotional load from that period in my life.  Yes, the past tense is intentional.  I've learned that for me, I'm better on my square with keeping things in a chronological order.  Past is gone, Future not yet here.  I have to remind myself that the moment I am in is the only point of power that exists.

[StartingHealing]

09-27-2024

Musings with coffee:

Well now.  The heat has returned.  Along with it something blew in and I can feel it in my sinuses.  Guess that means I need to increase my iodine intake.  Found out that at a certain level, the human body will place iodine in the mucus membranes to help with preventing infections of most types.  I remember growing up having really bad allergies.  I wonder if the allergies were from my immune system being hyperactive or if it had to do with the emotional load I was carrying at the time.  Probably a bit of both.  Been trying to keep myself away from the binary black-white paradigm.  I've realized that on pretty much everything it's a billion shades of grey.  Which leads me to consider the ying/yang symbol as well. The seed of the opposite is contained within.  Which also leads me to think about a zen insight. "before enlightenment I chopped wood and carried water.  After enlightenment I chop wood and carry water.

I know that healing isn't a lineal process and yet, at times, when I'm not on my square, it appears that I have always been on that path.  It's weird how my sense of time is so variable.  Or is that a good thing?  I really don't know.

[StartingHealing]

29 Sept 2024

Been wrestling with a question.  I know the answer is there somewhere.  Just can't put a finger on it yet.  Course the question is a slippery one, falls outside the binary this or that paradigm.  Noticed that in my life up till recent, having ambiguous situations were really a thorn in my side, even now, I would prefer to have things cut and dried and yet that doesn't seem to be the way of things.  Then thoughts of taking action that could resolve the situation(s) occur yet I know that those actions would bring a huge negative karmic debt.  Trusting in the universe to handle things.. perhaps that is a lesson I need to learn.

Wishing all the brave souls here, all the best.

[Papa Coco]

SH,

The grey area. It's where true wisdom lies, but it sure would be nice to have black and white answers. Yes or no. Blue or Red. High or low.

In a spiritual sense, I've learned that having the answers stops the quest, and true wisdom is in accepting the grey area and allowing ourselves to wonder how to best answer the question, rather than just know what the "right" answer or the "wrong" answer is: What is the answer that works for me today? How badly do I need an answer? Am I allowed to change my mind later?  (That's why I don't have any tattoos. I'm one who ALWAYS changes my mind later, and I feel afraid I'll get a tattoo that I like today and will want to change to something else tomorrow).

I'm one who goes into decision paralysis very quickly. I'm remodeling a bathroom right now. More like restoring it. It's 35 years old and has survived toddlers, teens, and adults. I've almost got it completely gutted and now I need to choose colors, flooring, a toilet from THOUSANDS of options. Do I replace the tub or spruce up the old one? How long will I keep this house? 35 years and counting, but I don't need to move, so how long will I need this bathroom to be in "sellable" condition if I put the house on the market? What colors? What level of quality to I settle on?  Know that as I reach this point where I now have to choose the colors, flooring and fixtures, I'm getting stressed. What if I choose wrong? What if I change my mind tomorrow? ARGH!!!!!!! I wish there was just one answer, so I don't have to feel responsible if I make the wrong choice.

Asian restaurants with pages and pages of menu items are paralyzing for me. I finally have to ask my wife what she's having so I can order what she's having and give myself a break.

When have I said too much? When have I not said enough? When am I as happy as I can get? Do I keep spending resources on therapy? What will I do if T retires? He's 75.

When am I being good to myself and not hurting others? Can I have what I want and not hurt anyone by getting it? Should I compromise and live how people want me to live, or should I go for the gold and get what I want, others be dammed?

None of these have a right or wrong answer. When I think of the difference between grey area, and black/white thinking, I think of the difference between mathematical minds and artistic minds. People who LOVE math, often tell me it is because Math has absolute answers. 2+2 is always 4 in their world. They find peace in that. It comforts them to feel that much rigid control.  However, I have more of an artist's brain. I see beauty in the times when 2+2 isn't sure what it sums up to. If three people are together, two are blond and two are female. that's 2 blonds + 2 females = 3 people. That messes with the order of things for math hounds. For me it excites all the possibilities of how many different numbers 2+2 can really equal.

For me, sometimes ambiguity really stresses me out as I'm looking for "the right answer". Other times, I enjoy the ambiguity for its ability to allow expression.

Our human personalities are not perfect. When math is used to create AI voices, or AI music, or even just digitalized music, it loses, for me, it's human touch. When humans play instruments, sing songs, write novels, they make subtle mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes are so subtle our subconscious catches it but our conscious minds don't. Those are the times we feel like the music is "warm."  When the same song is done on a digital software program, and EVERY note is EXACTLY timed and tuned perfectly, that song sounds "cold". Same song. Same instrument sounds. One is warm, one is cold. The difference is the flaws and ambiguity in the human generated sounds.

Ambiguity, I guess, is part and parcel of the human experience. Some days I hate it, other days I feel like it gives us the right to do things in custom ways.

Like usual, I go down deep when I start thinking about stuff. Talk about ambiguity...when do I stop writing and hit the Post button?

[StartingHealing]

Hi PC!

I'm kinda torn on the whole answer(s) thing you know?  I've been changing to solution. A solution for now may not be the solution for some point in the future.  Ran across some interviews by Thomas Sowell.  Man, talk about some next level stuff.. I think I'll have to start getting his books and other media that is available. Very approachable writer. The clip of the interview I saw was about trade-offs and how there isn't a singular answer that us having gone through the public edumication process have been trained into believing exists. 

For me, I guess I'm kinda "out there" spiritually because at one time, I was deeply, perhaps saying obsessed would be better, in finding "answers".  Makes sense in retrospect.  Considering that finding the 'answer' to why I went through what I went through as a wee babe.  Plus that also led me to being the boy scouts, boy scout.  Whatever the situation could be, I had a plan. I was prepared.  It was a method for me to have some sense of locus of control.  Then, once I had gotten to where I could shamanically journey,  that desire to have {the answer} went away.  Have you ever heard the zen saying "when the student is ready, the teacher appears"?  For me finally getting solid with that if I am open to it, the universe (et. al) will provide a teacher, a solution, when I need it.  Not before.  Would be nice to have it before. Chuckle.  One thing I did learn, very painful lesson, is that yes you can change your mind later.  If I had allowed that then I wouldn't have spent so long in the hades that was a relationship with a BPD. 

Indeed, a tattoo isn't something to be taken lightly.  I have one and I have designs for a coverup for it.  when I think about the cost, pain, etc.  my rational comes out.  That's a pair of tires, pair of struts, 1/2 the grocery budget for a month.  Maybe one day, if I'm to have a coverup then everything will align and it will be easily accomplished.

PC as someone who spent a fair amount of years in construction, let me see if I can help you out.  Don't do the "trendy" things because in 5 years the trend changes unless you are figuring on doing it again that soon.  What attributes are you looking for?  Durability?  Easy cleaning?  Ease of maintenance?  Comfort?  Is it a one butt bathroom or two?  Space and budget will be your major constraints, with the other attributes being added to the stack.

Then there are some approaches that you can take to get to a solution that is the best possible for you and your specific needs for you and your wife. 

Plus you can do things that open things up for changes down the road.  As an example.  If floor and fixtures /cabinets are a neutral color, then for color, area rugs, towels, wall art, wall paint.  Want to change the feel of the space, then no big deal, change the add-ons, put a new coat of paint on.   

What I've noticed is as my thinking goes to solution based, I've found it lots easier to let the natural creativity come through.  Plus it keeps me out of the mind set of seeking an "authorities" approval.

Math is math.  There is a lot of math in music, it's just hidden really well.  The things that I've found with math folks is that they are firmly in the paradigm of binary, singular perspective rather than multiple perspective.  Some I know that are nice folks generally.  It's just how their expression is this go round. They have their lane and most are perfectly happy staying in it. 

I listen to a ton of music.  Some artists pre-digital and some post digital.  To me, once you take out the analog portion AKA human then you get the cold, sterile, crapola.  We are analog beings, living in a analog world, and folks somehow has forgotten that due to indoctrination / propaganda. (that is a rabbit hole worth looking into in my opinion)  Analog doesn't have the binary of digital, there is a multitude of states between the poles of off and on.  The ambiguity, the analog.  that's why vacuum tube amplifiers sound way better than digital amps.  It's all those wonderful in-between states that lead to harmonics being produced, all the different frequencies that interact to create overtones, undertones, all contained within a single note that does have a mathematic expression contained within it that is also related to the golden ratio.  I'm not saying that math is the end all be all.  I'm saying that math can sometimes provide insights into the analog that we inhabit.  It's that interaction that resonates with us analog beings.

If you really want to bend an understanding of the world, there have been tests done measuring nerve impulses from people's hands to the brain.   I'd have to dig to find the study.  I know it's been published.  What they found is that at the exact moment the nerves for touch were triggered in the hand, the brain was reacting to it.  Nerve impulses move pretty quick but not that quick. So somehow in this analog realm, our sensation of touch is based on a time shift a few micro seconds in the future. 

Restaurants? If I've never been there before, then me being there is a test to see if I'll put them on the list to come back to.  Comparison test if you will.  Since it's a comparison test, I'll order a dish that I like at a different restaurant and see what happens.  Since I'm comparing say thai to thai or tex-mex to tex-mex, there isn't a "wrong" result, just a result that I prefer for my own self.  Been to high end (2 star Michelin) and the local family hole in the wall places.  I like what I like and there isn't anything bad about that.  I like certain things that so called "authorities" may not. (Movie Critics as an example)  Why should I accept some jokers opinion and value it higher than my own?    Yes, there are "specialists" and they may know a great deal more than I in certain areas.  that doesn't mean that they are "right" "correct" or their words to be taken as the absolute in any manner.  They ain't living my life. 

Wishing you and yours all the best PC.
   

[Papa Coco]

SH,

You're offering good advice on two important levels. The first being that sometimes I remember that the answer isn't the goal. Obsessing over "the answer" stops the creative flow of learning. It laser focuses us onto a pinpoint location, which blinds us to all the joy and freedom of the surrounding activities. The Zen saying, "When the student is ready the teacher appears" has proven itself true a thousand times in my lifetime, and yet, it's so easy to forget that and find myself down another rabbit hole trying too hard to fix that one detail that I am suddenly obsessed over. I have to stop believing the world can be perfect. It can't. Evil lives codependently with Love. It's a teeter-totter with courage as the fulcrum. Physical needs are on one side, spiritual needs on the other. Finding balance is done by simply letting go and letting the teachers teach me. It takes incredible courage to admit to my vulnerabilities and to allow fate to have its way with me. Our teachers have proven they will teach when I'm ready. It's mankind's physical survivalist nature + childhood rearing trying to convince us that perfection is the goal = Forgetting to just let go of the reigns and observe and learn and try to have a little fun between the lessons.

Secondly, Thanks for the bathroom remodel ideas. making sure I go for neutral colors and easily changeable flooring and wainscoting is super good information. I'm researching toilets for which one is the best for easy to clean, comfortable, and not prone to clogging. I'm looking at the Kohler Gleam right now. It's affordable, large, boasts a very strong flushing system, and has broad sides. To be clear, I don't mind cleaning the insides of toilets. I just use rubber gloves and wipe it down with disinfectants. It's all those angles underneath down to the floor that I HATE cleaning. The broad sides of the Gleam are like wiping down the door of a car. Anyway, just like with my tattoo fears, I don't want to do anything trendy unless it's something easily changed in 5 years. Paint color. Even certain types of flooring can be changed pretty quickly these days.

Anyway. Thanks for reminding me to let go of my need to find "THEE answer."  I have times when I'm aware of how pointless that is, but then, like I say, I sometimes find myself forgetting that. When I'm halfway down another pointless rabbit hole. Or stressing too much over something I have no control over.

Sometimes I draw a taget. Three circles. It's from Stephen Covey's Circle of Influence. In the bull's eye, I write things I worry about that I have full control over: Diet. Exercise. Being nice to neighbors. Etc. In the next larger circle, I write the things I'm worried about that I have influence over, but not direct control: Eating to hopefully avoid cancer and diabetes, etc; Trying to help a friend who may or may not be open to help. Voting. Stuff like that. In the outer circle I write the things that are bothering me which I have ZERO control over but am legitimately concerned with: World hunger. The eventual fall of Democracy. Climate Change. Taxes. Inflation. Hurricanes. Wildfires.

Once I've identified all the chaotic components of everything that's bogging me down with worry, I can more clearly see which ones to worry about and which to just sort of shrug and let go of. I have control over my bathroom remodel. My eating habits. My daily exercise. How I treat my wife and children and friends... So that's where I can put my focus today. I can't control the upcoming election, so why bother worrying about it until it happens?  This same exercise can be done with the Serenity Prayer: "Help me to focus on the courage to change things I can change, the ability to accept what I can't change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

One of the main routes to peace is accepting what is out of my control while changing what is my responsibility to change. According to many spiritual leaders throughout human history, Love is the only thing that matters. So, if I can just feel my love for everyone, peace starts to fill me from the inside.

I don't mean to hijack your journal. I just really liked what you said about letting go of needing THE ANSWER and resting a bit to allow the teachers to come when I'm ready to learn.

Be well,
PC.

[Chart]

I recently directly experienced that Zen saying. It blew me away... still does. And tonight she reminded me that when I doubt about something, I "can" ask the Universe for help. And oddly, it ALWAYS responds.

[StartingHealing]

Hi Chart!  I know right? For me though, I have to ask specifically.  To me it's like pendulum work which is helpful in forcing asking good questions. You have 3 answers. Yes, No, Maybe. Leads to some really good questions.

Hi PC!
No worries about a "hijack" or anything.  Community you know?  To help and be helped, yeah? 

Maybe I'm off the beam here.  I think the cultural obsession with "the answer" started back with Newton.  Clockwork universe concept and then the Reductio ad absurdum that has pushed the ever narrowing field of focus of a singular subject to a point where the big picture is lost.  Personally I think this was by design because it helped push the industrial revolution.  Here we are on the wonderfully made planet in the middle of the goldilocks zone, orbiting the sun at 1,598,878,595 miles an hour while the sun is orbiting the Milky Way center at 137 miles per second.  That means that the Earth doesn't have a flat orbit in space, it's a freaking spiral. As above so below right?  I've noticed that situations in my life follow the spiral pattern. Once I learn all the lessons which changes as my spiral passes through, daggum those situations fall away. 

Spiritual vs Physical to me is a false, dare I say, engineered dichotomy. I get the separation of church and state because in the past the church was the state and it was a huge mess.  Yes there are times that certain physical things are undertaken to bring awareness of the other side into regular consciousness. Think the spirit walks of indigenous peoples.  Personally, my thing is to integrate both sides of this because it's only a continuum. Spirit is energy and matter is energy that's really really slow. 

 As far as perfection goes.  What is the standard that is held up for comparison? Who has defined that? Is that term being used as a crowbar to push a certain pattern of behavior?   My friend, I believe that we have been indoctrinated and propagandized at least since the beginning of the modern advertisement age. I'm sure it goes back even further.  Simple experiment.  Watch an advert with the sound off.  What are the images portraying?  Then watch the same advert with your eyes closed.  What are the spoken words portraying?  propaganda and influence are on the same spectrum differing only by degree. 

Public school as an example of indoctrination. Learn this stuff that will not be helpful to you as an adult. Work on this subject until the bell rings for the next class.  Forget about that work and focus instead on this other subject. Cannot have students further along being in the same class as you. There are levels of authority that can get you in 'trouble' for whatever reason. Then there is lunch period. Then once home there is 'home work' to cram more word salad into your brain.  Doesn't that sound like being a corporate drone?  It should because the whole system was designed by Rockefeller to turn out replaceable carbon based revenue units to work in the factories.  Compare that to the one room school house or the family dynamic pre mandated edumication. In the mandated setting students are taught what to think and in the other situations they are taught how to think for themselves.

I do not bear anyone any ill will. Is that the 'love' spoken of in the traditions?   That said there are people who I will not associate with.  Because they are not a match to me energetically.  Is that somehow a negative thing?  Depends on which story you are using to define positive and negative.  Learned that the hard way as well.  I have the birthright as a child of the universe to have my preferences.  Another lesson that I learned the hard way. I harm no one with my preferences.  I've also found that just because some joker doesn't like my preferences eh, no biggie.  Isn't odd how many other folks want to control all the people they come into contact with? I think that is a thing now days. 

Good!  Glad to hear that you went with the easy clean and roomy stool!  I hear you about cleaning all those stinking nooks and crannies.  Or shower heads.  The water out here is really hard. I've seen some 30% vinegar at a big box store that I'm thinking about getting to dissolve the mineral build up on the shower head without having to resort to something like CLR. I bet it would work good on cleaning the nooks and crannies of the stool as well.  That's me being a small part in influencing the bigger picture.  That brings to mind that maybe doing some research into home cleaning methods of the past would be a good thing.  Shoot fire, if that can help me get away from whatever they shove into xyz home cleaning products??  None of that stuff has been tested as far as non- reactivity with other products.. just saying. 

Wishing you all the best PC.

[StartingHealing]

10-7-2024

had an interesting and concerning conversation a couple of days ago with my mentor.  Now due to decisions in one of the children's choice of a SO, which based on the descriptions provided has BPD, my mentor is seriously considering that the solution is to move multiple states away due to all the typical behaviors of someone wBPD.  I recognize that they are more than capable of fending for themselves.  Yet.  I do care for them, they have become as family to me.  This caused me to look into what is findable on the open internet in regards to how much of the general population has a personality disorder.  Oy! that was a rabbit hole.  Generally speaking it's 15%.  15 people out of 100.  Sheesh 

I'm starting to seriously consider that something in modernity is driving this. 

Wishing all here, all the best

[StartingHealing]

10-11-2024

Ran across something about corona ejection events from the sun and how that affects us emotionally, mentally, and even physically.  I know that doesn't really fit into the narrative that us humans are somehow above the influence of nature yet we have been shown time and time again that isn't the case.

 I wonder if Robert E Howard (the genius behind Conan the Barbarian) exposition through the character of Conan is something to be considered.  Conan stated that "barbarism is humanities natural state".  There are many things in modernity that are super duper convenient.  Like I texted my brother from another mother the other day and he's currently overseas unbeknownst to me, and the frickin text went through. Had a text convo.  That's some infrastructure there you know? The ability to access the information that's available on the internet?  Dude! 

 For human health and wellness though... Maybe I see it different because I grew up pre digital revolution on a farm.  there wasn't the level of sickness back then that there is now.  I know the cope is the supposed better diagnostics, medical and mental health has progressed forward.  But has it really?   To me I see more pills being marketed to manage, not cure mind you, manage xyz symptoms.  Add in the shifting definitions of words (which is totally intentional) yeah. We've "progressed"  A line from a Ozzy Osbourne song keeps echoing, going forward in reverse.  Totally fits Orwell's concept of 1984 newspeak. 

No concern for long term impacts from weird chemicals in the food, pesticides that are killing off the bees, microplastics accumulating in the reproductive organs of all species, yet the hooting and hollering about this long term disaster that's looming in 100 years because of xyz which doesn't hold up to the evidence that is available soooo just another money grab. 

I have thought that for a long time what I see in the modern day is broken.  It's not broken it's doing exactly what it was designed to do.  Inflation is stealing purchasing power, the average person in the country where I live is on some sort of prescription to the tune of 60% roughly, the same bozos are on the boards of both food companies and pharmaceutical companies.  Like.. (insert fav cuss phrase here) Same folks on the boards of big oil and big plastic. 

Meanwhile, personal responsibility and personal liberty have been curtailed over the years all in the name of (we have to save ______ or that's so unfair ______ or we have to protect _______)   All psychological tricks to allow certain groups of people more control.  To me it's no wonder why the average joe is having emotional / mental distress.  I think all the current factors have converged to where the new dream is to leave such modernity and go to places in the world where the reach of modern feces doesn't reach / very slight influence.

sigh.

Wishing all here all the best

 

[StartingHealing]

13 Oct 2024

My Doggo is going through some stuff. I really don't know what to make of it.  It's like he gets scared but instead of wanting to curl up next to me, he wants to stand on me.  He's not a lightweight either.  I got some of the calming pheromones, one that is like one of those scent plug in's, a pump spray and even a aroma therapy spray.  The hood is quiet.  Can't get a bead on correlation / causation.  Like I really don't know.  He has full range of the place, doggie door to go into the fenced back yard, After the move to the new place, this behavior lessened a great deal.  I figured that he was picking up on all the negativity that the former spouse was puking.  Sigh.  Days get rough when he decides to wake me up multiple times a night.  Maybe my google-fu will turn something up. 

Wishing all here all the best