Hi,I’m new here

[RedJenty]

Hi, finally found the strength to own my CPTSD diagnosis after years of treating/managing/understanding it as PTSD, depression and anxiety. I'm glad to find this forum to feel less alone with it, as daunting as this currently feels!

I have sat here for a couple of hours writing, deleting, rewording over and over to try and express the abuse that I was subjected to that has led me here but just can't find the way to write it all, it feel so different seeing it in written word than hearing it spoken. Maybe this is something I can build up to!

I'm looking forward to discussing how people have learnt to manage relationships as this is certainly one of my biggest challenges but also hope I can bring support to those that can relate through being at different stages of our journeys.

[Armee]

Hi, and welcome. You'll express what you need to when the time is right. We all do the same thing of writing, deleting, writing, deleting. It's OK. No need to get everything out at once. Slow is great. In the meantime I hope you can come here for support day to day and I'm glad you found the forums.

[Larry]

hi redjenty,  welcome 

[Hope67]

Hi RedJenty,
Welcome.
Hope 

[NarcKiddo]

Hello, and welcome. I agree with Armee - there is no need to write all of it at once, or to post some or any of it if that doesn't feel right.

[blue_sky]

Welcome RedJenty, the most beautiful thing about this forum is a lot of people will share the symptoms that we think only we have and that we are weird. But we're not. I also have been through that phase of writing, deleting, writing, rewording and then deleting again.
I have been able to write slowly but it definitely does feel strange to see those experiences in written words.

Welcome to the forum. We hope to see you around. 

[woodsgnome]

RedJenty ... greetings to a place where you can unwind some of the tension, still have doubts, and still feel welcome and OK with yourself.

While that may make us sound uniform, it's hardly the case. Lots of personalities and experiences here; and some might big crashes too.

But know what? We've all somehow wandered back here, too; sometimes it's the last haven of sanity left, where it's even allowed to spit out those overwhelming sad, angry, and unbearable emotions. And -- wonder of wonders -- be understood!

I hope you feel a bit safer to have found this place. Lots of us have been where you're coming from --  Still traveling, hoping, resilient.

[storyworld]

Hello, and welcome!
I can understand your statement regarding finding the strength to own your condition. I was actually planning on talking with my therapist regarding how I struggle with this (as I recognize my resistance impacts my healing). I also understand your difficulty in sharing your history. I still struggle with that–allowing myself to think about past stuff, let alone tell others. And I felt exceptionally vulnerable when I first joined OOTS and considered what to say in the intro post. I have found this forum to be extremely gentle and not judgmental. I find it helpful to read other people's posts as well. I have also gained comfort in knowing I can always delete something later, and no one judges me for that, either. (I frequently delete posts later.)

All that to say, welcome, and I hope this is a healing, encouraging, and supportive space for you.

[Papa Coco]

Welcome RedJenty

I've been a member here for 2 1/2 years and I still find myself deleting posts, and wrestling with trying to feel comfortable knowing what to say. Sometimes I delete because I feel like I've overstepped my boundaries. Other times because I feel too vulnerable. Like there's a little war going in my head: I want to tell it, but I don't know if I have the right to.

And accepting my diagnosis was a long, long process. I think that now, after 40 years in therapy, I'm finally accepting that "it was that bad" and "I'm that confused because of it."

It's good to hear that you were able to post that first post. Like others have said, don't feel obligated to tell us anything you don't feel ready to tell us. Pushing ourselves too quickly into trust can work against us. I've yet to find anyone on this site who is judgmental of anything I've written, but the little judge lives inside my head. He judges me when no one on this forum has yet to do so.

I hope you find comfort here and that the comradery we all share with our similar symptoms brings you to feel accepted and welcomed as I have felt since joining.

[Kizzie]

Hi from me as well Red, glad you found your way here.  Just wanted to mention that a lot of members journal and then it doesn't feel like you have to get it all out at once.  The journal section is here - https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=61.0

[AnnaMaria]

Hi there.

I'm also new here.  I can relate to the feeling of trying to manage CPTSD as a group of other conditions and then finally discovering it was CPTSD all along.

You will tell your story the way that is right for you, and sometimes that doesn't even mean detailing what actually happened. 

For me personally, I've always found opening up about the past too painful and vulnerable.  I prefer to talk about how it impacts me in the present.  Maybe that's how you feel too, or maybe you are finding a way to tell your story in a way that resonates with you.

Either way I'm glad to see others starting this part of the journey at the same time as me.