How do you handle dissociation?

[Evergreen_Elf]

I frequently escape into fantasy - kind of like maladaptive daydreaming. But it can be really inconvenient. It was my main coping mechanism as a child and I thought it would have resolved itself by now. I'm working on developing more empathy for myself but it's so frustrating that I can't  just snap out of it sometimes.
Is there a type of meditation (not mindfulness) that works for you?

Any advice is appreciated.

[woodsgnome]

The only 'rule' that seems relevant to me is to go easy on oneself. I know I often would fall into these 'spells' in order to survive some of the heavy stuff memories from my early days can trigger. Sometimes I wished I could have retained more dissociative instincts, not less, as lots of heavy stuff (especially emotional) occurred when I was much older.

So my dissociation still rears up when I'm relating to the early innocent abuse days. Describing those times can be treacherous and I find myself slipping if it seems I'm entering that set of memories, and begin to feel trapped, and ... automatically dissociate (in a variety of ways, sometimes almost blacking out).

Now I at least recognize this better. Why? Once during a therapy session, I realized I'd missed my therapist's response to some info I'd presented. Starting to apologize for missing what she'd said in response, my T in a very calm manner explained that there's nothing wrong with dissociation, even when it seems to interfere with the flow of the moment. She pointed out that I'd responded appropriately, given what was being triggered in my psyche. The important thing, she noted, was that I recognized it just after its occurrence.

Recognition helped, as did her calm response, pointing out that dissociation isn't a fault of mine, at all. Now the hard part -- what to do down the line?

For me, there hasn't been a magic formula. But at least I came to accept that I'm not unhealthy to have responded this way. Rather than specifically focusing on it, though, I find that her overall acceptance of my dissociation allowed me the space to stop treating it as a huge obstacle preventing my ever  progressing. But by letting the inner hysteria overtake me when I'd feel dissociative with her or others, just recognizing the self-blame helped the most.

I finally began to see that dissociation wasn't indicative of any failure on my part. With that realization, I've slowly been able to incorporate even some of the worst abuse triggers down to tolerable levels ('tolerable' as I don't see how they'd ever totally recede).

I feel like I've been unable to lay down any solid advice on this -- everyone's probs can be vastly different. Basically my only message is to 1) be kind to yourself and 2) keep on keeping on.   

[Kizzie]

I have to agree with Woodsgnome, it seems that once you accept it as a helpful and oftentimes necessary tool for surviving it takes the anxiety way down about it. Being able to recognize it when it happens and understand that whatever triggered you to dissociate might be too much in that moment is looking at it in a positive way.

So having said that I have an example of how you might come to understand that you can handle more than you think you can.  I used to dissociate whenever I went to the dentist but I stopped when I was working with a T to bring my dissociation down when I could. I told my dentist about how fearful I was (because of a bad childhood experience), and he and his staff were so accepting and helpful I didn't resort to dissociation like I normally do. I realized then that I could tolerate the procedure and now I am not afraid of going to the dentist at all. So I think it was the acceptance, theirs and mine, and it was experiencing the dental work as an adult rather than going back to what it was like as a child that seemed to work.

I don't know if this will help but it's something to consider.

WRT medication, it can help with bringing down your fear/anxiety but it's so individual what I take may or may not work for you.  IMO it's best to work with a psychiatrist when it comes to meds.     

[NarcKiddo]

I've been discussing dissociation with my T quite a bit over the last couple of weeks, as it happens.

I don't escape into fantasy. I try to go into nothing, but with one foot in reality, as it were. I have realised I do this a lot at medical and dental appointments. Now I have noticed I am experimenting with actively trying to stay present. Because medics will ask me things and it can take a short while for me to come back to "now" in order to reply, which can be awkward all round. I try to dissociate when driving (which is clearly very dangerous) so I talk to myself to stop it happening.  At the dentist recently I made a point of really studying the ceiling and listening to the chat between dentist and nurse, so I remained in the room.

My T agreed that the first step is actually to notice you are doing it. I thought I didn't do it much but now realise I dissociate a lot. I think that noticing is the first step of detaching from it, so I have a chance of deciding how to move on from there.

If you find yourself in a fantasy, maybe step one is as simple as acknowledging to yourself that you are there, and asking yourself if you want to stay there. If you don't, then the next stage would be working out what you might want to concentrate on or think about to get you back to reality. I am not sure that the expectation of being able to snap out of it is necessarily helpful. You went there for a reason, after all.

[woodsgnome]

Seems I did forget one thing I do sometimes, not just for dissociation but for other stressors that seem to threaten my equilibrium.

Call it a mantra or something like it. It's at least short and easy to remember when needed. Let's say I might sense some threat or imminent trigger arising, I repeat to myself (silently), on each intake of breath -- the word "Peace"; and on the outtake the word "Love" (or I switch the order, but get those two words going in my mind. That can settle me down, when I feel I might be on the edge of dissociating 'out of the zone', as it were.

Anyway, that's one thing that I've found lessens my overwhelm. I still might dissociate, but the mantra, said silently to myself, seems to lessen the entire plunge into anything truly hurtul to myself in the moment.

[tryingtokeepmoving]

Hopefully it hasn't been too long to add to this thread, I have been struggling with dissociation lately too Evergreen_Elf, and the subsequent shaming I turn towards myself for not "snapping out of it", for "letting" myself be distracted from tasks I need to complete. Like Kizzie and woodsgnome have mentioned, reframing the dissociation can be helpful. Something that helps me treat myself more kindly in these moments is remembering that my abusers are the ones who would scold me and shame me in the way I am now shaming myself, and that I have more compassion and will not shame myself for using a tool like dissociation to cope.

Although I have been struggling, some techniques/meditations that have worked for me are to carry around a essential oil scent that I smell if I start to lose myself, I'll say to myself "you are loved you are safe" or "you are worthy of love", it does help bring me back into the present. Also, I do this thing where I cross my arms and tap with the opposite hand on the opposite arm, just alternating tapping and it seems to require enough conscious effort that I'm not pulled back into whatever dissociation. Then I repeat to myself something like "you are loved you are safe".

Thank you for sharing this Evergreen_Elf, this thread is inspiring me to stay aware of how I speak to myself when I'm struggling with my dissociation.

[Armee]

Hey like others, the very very most helpful thing was to accept it was happening. For many years I would fight it. When I'd dissociate I'd think "no no no no not this again!" And it would make the dissociation worst. The first step was to just acknowledge I'm dissociating. I couldn't take the next step and accept its from trauma. Which made the dissociation worse because it was a reminder that something was really wrong that I didn't want to acknowledge.

But eventually that helped once I could acknowledge what it was from...to have an explanation.

In the interim...usual recommendations were not very helpful but what slowly helped was to start to learn the signs I was starting to dissociate...just noticing. Nothing else. Eventually as I learned to notice the signs earlier it got easier to interrupt it before the dissociation got too deep. And what I noticed is that I needed more active ways to disrupt the dissociation. Movement, noise, etc.

[Kizzie]

I have to agree that just noticing you're doing it at first and not fighting it is a big step towards stopping. For me the second step was asking myself if I could figure out why and of course it was always linked to a painful feeling and/or memory. Once you start figuring out the why, you've exposed the pain and bit by bit can learn to look at it and learn to integrate it and tolerate it.  At least that's how it worked and is working for me.