Dissociation in Therapy

[globetrotter]

Dissociation came up on another thread and I think it's worthy of it's own.

I had a really wierd experience in therapy a couple of years ago, which I've only told a couple of people about and I still don't know what to think about it.

I was standing in my Ts office doing a simple grounding exericse with her, and I felt this huge energy wave come of off her, like from 8 feet away, on to me. The waves were almost visible, like the heat waves you see coming up off of a highway on a hot summer day, but when it happened, I completely left my body/all awareness for I don't know how long. When I came back, the first thing I saw was her standing next to me, telling me to look at my feet  - trying to get me to ground myself.

I don't recall anything like that ever happening before (not that it didn't when I was a kid, maybe I don't remember). I am a Highly Sensitive Person, but I certainly don't poseess any special psychic skills...we weren't even talking about trauma, we were doing an exercise. I wasn't looking at her during the centering, then she told me to look at her and WHOMP - giant energy waves. I suck at eye contact, so that may have been part of it, and I know she seems to have some mad psychic/empathic skills of her own. Does this sound completely whacked?

I know the obvious response is to ask her, but I haven't. Maybe some day.

[Rain]

Not so wacky, globetrotter...at least, not to me.   

[globetrotter]

Thanks for your response, Rain, it does make me feel better!
Strange how trauma can rear its ugly head and we're triggered by something so innocent.
When I came back from wherever, I asked her, "How did you channel your energy like that?"
And she asked me "Like what?"
I was in no state to explain.

I agree with your theory about how an HSP is impacted by child abuse. My T makes frequent reference to it, too . Most recently, she was asking me what kind of parent such a sensitive child would have benefited from having - my response: sober, sensitive also, patient...not what I got!

Fortunately, there's so much good that goes along with being Highly Sensitive, too.

(I think maybe the word you are thinking of is torpidity?)

[Annegirl]

It sounds spiritual to me, the spiritual world is pretty amazing when we tap into the loving creator part of it, which is the biggest part. It sounds similar to what people experience in NDE's. Not that that is what it was but to me it sounds like you were being healed spiritually.

[schrödinger's cat]

I only ever felt the negative energy of situations going bad on me, or of places that had just badness hanging about them. But that was always something from outside, nothing that came from inside of me. What you describe sounds impressive. I'd have been scared, I think.

[globetrotter]

I have tried finding info about this on the web and there wasn't much out there. I don't have the gift of seeing auras, but I can feel energy. That was the first time I saw it and felt it so intensely, which makes me think my T has some kick a** powers.

Once I worked with a very negative woman and she sat in the cube across the aisle and I could feel her negative energy ooze across the hall and into my cube...weird...does not happen very often. I would like to hone that skill, other times, like this, I'm happy it's not so developed.

Not sure that I'm all in on chakras, etc., but studying tai chi for a few years brought me in touch with the energy within. You are right, Rain - we're just skirting along on the icing here, there's so much we DON"T know...compelling...

[globetrotter]

Tai chi was wonderful. I do not practice anymore. I am sad I let it get away from me. With YouTube I found some excellent videos and started to train myself again, but too many distractions, too many hobbies. I do still know how to channel my chi within and practice meditation and circular breathing from time to time. I'd recommend it!!!

[Rain]

Gosh, I never got that circular breathing down!    I will have to check back with you when I can start Tai chi.   Thanks, globetrotter.    Nice how everyone has a little something to "bring to the table."   

[Indigochild]

Some people have the ability to actually *feel* other peoples emotions. They end up feeling them, and therefore taking them on as though they are their own, when they are not.
Some can sense vibes off the other person.
I think it comes from having to be perceptive whilst growing up, hypervigelant perhaps, always trying to guess what mood your caregiver would be in.

Just thought id add that.

[Kizzie]

I actually read a room when I walk in somewhere Indigo and you're right, it comes from being hyper vigilant about other people's moods growing up, especially FOO - it kept me safe.  I'm starting see though that I pay a price by focusing outside myself and expecting danger around every corner and am trying to stay inside my own skin rather than let myself be pulled out by others, their emotions, needs, etc.   

[Indigochild]

I hear you Kizzie.
Im glad your realising how being so perceptive all the time has effected you.

Trigger warning....

I think it can be hard to stay inside your own skin...when you don't know who you are. Not sure if this is the case with you...but as well as FOO reasons for being hypervige and able to read others feelings, and take them on as yours, people, because of this, loose who they are, then this habit is very hard to drop, because they don't have a *self.*
They don't know who they are or how they feel, as focusing on others is all they know.
The question is, did they ever have a self? Or did the self they did have get stuffed down.

Good luck on your journey of detaching from others...


actually read a room when I walk in somewhere Indigo and you're right, it comes from being hyper vigilant about other people's moods growing up, especially FOO - it kept me safe.  I'm starting see though that I pay a price by focusing outside myself and expecting danger around every corner and am trying to stay inside my own skin rather than let myself be pulled out by others, their emotions, needs, etc.   

[Kizzie]

Thanks Indigo, I'm working on it and it is getting easier.  I remember someone describing the feeling as having a zipper that anyone could yank open at any time. That's exactly what it felt like for me so I would isolate or dissociate if there were too many demands for my attention outside of me. The best time was when no-one was around and I could just relax instead of leaving my self. 

in answer to your question I did have a self, but it got stuffed down. All the noise from outside meant made it hard to feel my feelings or think my own thoughts.  I went NC/LC with the PD FOO in my life and boy did that ever bring the noise level down!  I could hear what I was saying inside, and I felt and thought more clearly than ever before - wish I'd done it years ago      I do think parts of me got stuck in childhood and in recovery are unfolding or unfreezing so I am still learning about me in a way (as a whole person rather than bits is how I would describe it).

[Indigochild]

Thats a good analogy.
I have to ask, but of course you don't have to answer, do you remember stuffing your *self* down?
I do not remember this at all.

I dont remember if it was hard to think my own thoughts. But i probably didnt, no, as I had the inner critic in my head always.
Probably, as i stuffed my feelings, so i must of stuffed my thoughts too.
I thought i was a bit more relaxed when i left home, but a lot of childhood stuff and ways of being and thinking are still there ruling my existence. The inner critic is very loud, but i was never aware of her before.

I think i take on feelings that others have, more so if i am close to them, but am able to detect peoples moods, even if i don't know them well or at all.
My happiness depends a lot on weather that person I'm close to or rather, want to be close to is happy. I sort of, become someone sometimes if i attach, even if from a distance and this must come from not having a self.
If they go away, particularly mother figures, I feel blank. I need them to show me how to be.

I hope therapy goes well for you and that you enjoy discovering all of who you are.

[Dyess]

Globetrotter I just read this article and I thought about this post and the connection between the T and client. I wanted to know more about how the T knew I was dissociating and came across this. Page 157....was interesting to me
http://repository.upenn.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1041&context=edissertations_sp2
"Findings revealed that therapists have strong emotional and
behavioral responses to a patient's dissociation in session, which include anxiety, feelings of
aloneness, retreat into one's own subjectivity and alternating patterns of hyperarousal and mutual
dissociation."

[Dyess]

I had been looking for an answer as to what a T does when a client dissociates during a session. Should the T be quiet and let the client come out of it on their own? I kind of thought this would be correct, but seems I was wrong. The T should talk to the client calmly, maybe calling their name, telling them they are safe, and that by talking to them lures them to the "now", then once they are back give them time to regroup. Sounds like my T did everything right  Okay, another plus for her, but we will see how this works out