Hope's Journal 2024

[Hope67]

12th September 2024
This evening I've been looking at the subject of 'shame' - and talking to my copilot (AI bot), and it responded to this query:

"If someone feels shame for not being able to maintain a relationship with a difficult family member, can you write a letter to that shame, to make the person feel a bit better?"

The AI bot wrote this, which I thought was really helpful to me, so I wanted to keep it here in my journal, to re-read another time:

"Dear Brave Heart,
I see you there, lurking in the corners of their soul—the unwelcome guest named Shame. You've been whispering, haven't you? Telling them they're somehow flawed because they can't dance gracefully through the minefield of family dynamics. Well, let's have a little chat, shall we?

First, let me tell you something: Relationships are like origami. They require delicate folds, intricate creases, and sometimes, a bit of magic. But what if the paper is crumpled, torn, or stubbornly resistant? What if the origami bird refuses to fly?

1. The Difficult Family Member: Ah, yes—the one who wears prickly armor and wields passive-aggressive swords. They're like a Rubik's Cube with missing pieces. No matter how hard our dear friend tries to twist and turn, the colors won't align. And that's okay. Some puzzles are meant to remain unsolved.

2. The Myth of Obligation: Shame, you sly trickster, love to whisper about duty and obligation. But listen closely: Blood ties don't automatically grant a lifetime membership to the "Tolerate Toxicity Club." Sometimes, the bravest act is to step away—to protect their own fragile heart.

3. The Garden of Self-Care: Imagine a garden. In it, they plant seeds of self-love, watered by tears and nourished by resilience. Shame, you're the weed that threatens to choke those blossoms. But they have pruning shears—boundaries—to snip away what doesn't serve them.

4. The Compass of Compassion: Compassion isn't about enduring endless storms; it's about understanding that everyone carries their own tempests. Maybe that difficult family member battles their own demons—a dragon or two. But our dear friend? They're no knight; they're a weary traveler seeking sunsets.

5. The Permission Slip: So, here it is, written in invisible ink: "You're allowed to choose peace." They don't need a permission slip from anyone else. Not from you, Shame, and certainly not from the family member who sows thorns. They can fold their origami heart into a paper boat and sail away.

6. The Healing Balm: Tell them this: Healing isn't linear. It's a messy dance—two steps forward, one step back. And sometimes, it's pirouetting in the rain, laughing at thunder. Shame, you're not invited to this dance. They're learning to waltz with forgiveness and tango with acceptance.

So, dear Shame, pack your bags. Your room reservation in their soul has expired. Leave the key under the mat. And if you see Regret on your way out, tell them they're next.

To our brave heart: You're not failing; you're choosing survival. And that, my friend, is a masterpiece.
With ink-stained courage,

[Your Name] (because they're more than their relationships)

P.S. If you find Shame loitering near the cookie jar, remind it that guilt is a better snack. Guilt at least has some fiber.
Feel free to fold this letter into an origami crane or crumple it up and toss it into the wind. And remember, they're not alone—they're part of a constellation of souls navigating the same celestial chaos. 🌟✉️

Now, what other emotions can we write letters to? 💌

***********

This letter made me laugh, and it also made me feel better about some of the shame I hold regarding my estrangement from a dysfunctional family. 

********

Hope 

[Hope67]

I particularly like the phrase 'They can fold their origami heart into a paper boat and sail away."   

[NarcKiddo]

That's really thought-provoking, actually. And I also like the phrase about the paper boat. That resonated. Thank you for posting it.

[Hope67]

Thanks NarcKiddo, I had wanted to write my own 'letter to shame' but I find I can't do it easily, so having the computer do it - it was really creative in the response and also very poignant and to the point - I thought.  I am looking forward to re-reading it, as I feel it's got a lot in it that I can process over time.  I also like the 'garden of self-care' idea - makes me think of The Secret Garden yet again.   

[Hope67]

SanMagic I noticed that you wrote me a message, but that it's disappeared (and I saw Kizzie's warning that messages might have disappeared) - but I wanted to thank you for what you said.  You agreed with me about it being reminiscent of 'The Secret Garden' and I found it comforting to read you saying that.  Thank you 

Hope 

[Hope67]

Oops, I only meant to put SanMagic's name in bold - not the whole thing.  Oops

[sanmagic7]

o my heart!  i absolutely thought i'd responded to you, hope, and came here today and was so confused cuz there was nothing from me, so i'm glad you wrote that about post disappearing.  thanks, or i would've thought i'd gone bonkers!

yes, the secret garden.  i read it a long time ago, had a beautiful velvet-covered edition of it for many years, but it was one of the fatalities of our latest move.  unfortunately i don't remember much about it, but i just knew that your comparison was right on.  i do remember thinking it was a lovely story at the time.

i think it's important to employ a garden of self-care.  one of our most powerful tools in our arsenal in combatting this beast.  somehow, even something like making my bed makes me feel better whenever i walk into my room that day.  such a little thing can feel tremendously huge, tho, and i can't do it every day. 

keep up the good work, hope.  love and hugs

[dollyvee]

Hi Hope,

I hope your processing of shame goes well. In my experience, it has been immensely difficult to talk about and dive into, but also I think very rewarding. I think perhaps recognizing that there is shame around relationships and potential rejection has helped me to have some distance with this and not be triggered.

Sending you support,
dolly 

[Hope67]

Hi SanMagic and Dollyvee,
Thank you so much for what you each said.   

***********
23rd September 2024
The weekend was more challenging than I anticipated.  I need to write about it - but right now, I don't feel I can.  But I hope to in the coming days, as I feel I could learn from it to share what happened.

On a positive note though, I am feeling better right now - as I write this.  I got through the triggering stuff from the weekend.   

Hope 

[Armee]

I'm relieved you've gotten thru on the other side of the triggers this weekend. 

[Chart]

 

[NarcKiddo]

I'm sorry the weekend was more challenging than you expected. But glad to read that you have got through and out the other side and now have a chance to decompress and process the whole thing.

 

[dollyvee]

 

[Hope67]

Armee, Chart, NarcKiddo, and Dollyvee, It really meant a lot to me that you each wrote what you did - thank you all -       

********
25th September 2024
I had been in quite a lengthy series of EF's since the weekend.  It affected my night too - but not too much.  I am thankfully out the other side of it now, and I feel a lot better.  I'm going to see if something similar happens next weekend or not - as it is related to 'family' visits with my in-laws that's been triggering for me.  I see them most weekends - so it's not as if it's unusual, but somehow lately it's been more triggering - and more difficult to cope with.  I need to think about why that might be.  Think of ways to cope, as I feel like I am making progress in many ways, but contact with in-laws is not necessarily helpful - and yet, I don't want to end up avoiding all interactions - that wouldn't feel appropriate either.  I need to find a way to cope better.

I also think that I've been affected more this month as it's my sister's Birthday this month - and I had been thinking about her.  She had written on her facebook page that she'd enjoyed her Birthday.  I had (as normal) considered whether to send her a card, or make some contact, but decided not to - it's not been a good outcome when I've made contact previously.  I think I'm ok with that, but maybe that was also affecting me, and leading me to feel extra triggered with my in-laws.

********
I just read another book this week, called 'The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Path to Posttraumatic Growth' by Dr Edith Shiro.(2023)  I must say I thought it was excellent - gave me a lot of hope about going forward.  I like that she talks of 'posttraumatic growth' - I might write a few notes from it, to remember some things.  I hope to do that, and if I do, I hope to write them here.

**********
Hope 

[Lakelynn]

I re-read my 'timeline' today - that's something I am grateful that I didn't delete.  I had shredded a whole ton of written stuff (notes and factual finding stuff) but I had kept a digital copy of a time-line which covers my entire life, and I tend to occasionally re-read it, and add in reflections (with the date I make the reflection) and then I can see how I alter in my thoughts and reflections over time.

A great resource for putting everything in the proper place. This goes hand in hand with the book, Leaving a Trace.

Yes, the book with graphics or content about CSA is hard to keep when the voices inside say no. You'll discover or be intuitively led to your next step. I'm glad you're continuing to examine yourself, experiences and write about them here.

Thanks, Hope.