Hello, I'm new

StayInTheLight · February 02, 2024, 08:25:56 AM

Hello! I'm new to this forum. I have a lot of childhood trauma which I've tried to address with therapists and different groups on and off for a long time. Only in the last few years did I start hearing the term "CPTSD". I started reading books about it and realized how much I related to everything I learned. I didn't understand until recently that I've been in fight-or-flight mode since I was very young, and never learned about self-soothing or emotional regulation. I want to teach my brain and body that I'm safe now as an adult and I don't have to be so afraid of other people and life. I know I need support from others to get better. I've suffered from depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem since I was a teenager, and I'm still very on-edge around my remaining family members. I used work (in a very high-stress and inconsistent career) to supply me with my self-worth and keep my mind occupied, but the pandemic decimated my industry and left me reeling. I'm really happy to be a part of this group and thanks to all who participate.

Hope67 · February 02, 2024, 08:59:45 AM

Hi StayInTheLight,
Welcome

I really related to what you wrote - you said you'd been in "fight-or-flight mode since I was very young, and never learned about self-soothing or emotional regulation" - I hope that you will find this forum to be a safe and supportive place. I am glad you found your way here.
Hope

NarcKiddo · February 02, 2024, 12:30:24 PM

Hello, and welcome. Your post resonates and I, too, feel on edge around members of my immediate family of origin. I wish you all the best on your healing journey. It is worth remembering that many coping mechanisms you formed as a child were necessary then to keep you safe. So they aren't "bad" as such, but may well have to be unlearned now that you are an adult. For example, in my case it was safest to shut up and make myself as invisible as possible as a child. As an adult it is far safer for me to be able to speak up for myself, but that is very hard to learn when one has spent a lifetime doing the opposite.

Kizzie · February 02, 2024, 04:42:59 PM

Hello and a very warm welcome to OOTS StayInTheLight

So sorry to hear you're struggling, abuse/neglect are the "gifts that keep on giving" unfortunately. Here though everyone will get what you post about and that can be such a relief, not being alone with CPTSD that is.

StayInTheLight · February 03, 2024, 08:58:58 AM

Thank you for your kind responses! I'm not sure how to reply directly to messages (maybe I can't do that?), but I appreciate you taking the time. Happy to be here!

Kizzie · February 03, 2024, 04:43:29 PM

You can't reply to individual posts directly, but what most people do is put the name of the member you want to reply to and bold it, then reply. You do the same for the next member and the next. It's a bit clumsy but that's how this forum is set up and members are used to that. The other way to do it is to use the quote button on the right of the post you want to reply to which will bring in the person's post. You can quote the whole of the post or a selected part. For a selected part, highlight it and then hit "Quote Selected Text" easy peasy.

Armee · February 04, 2024, 09:31:31 PM

welcome!

StayInTheLight · February 05, 2024, 07:08:45 AM

Kizzie, thanks so much for explaining how to reply, I appreciate it. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it as time goes on!

And thank you, Armee!

Kizzie · February 05, 2024, 04:33:56 PM

Larry · February 11, 2024, 02:40:31 PM

welcome !!

Papa Coco · February 14, 2024, 06:01:24 PM

StayInTheLight

I'm glad you found this forum. Welcome! What you've been through and how you've handled it are such a familiar story. We all have different pasts, but somehow, we all ended up here. And here is where we find the people who understand and share. I often log in when I'm going into another depression/anxiety spiral or a sense that I am of no value, and I just check in with all these souls who share these same experiences, and I feel soothed. I still struggle with a lot of triggers and emotional reactions, but I don't feel alone anymore. I have friends who need me as much as I need them, and that has calmed my lifelong sense of crushing loneliness. I hope your interactions here bring soothing and comfort as you explore how trauma has affected us all in so many similar ways.

We're all dealing with irrational reactions to past trauma, but we're doing it together. There's great comfort in that for me.