What does this mean?

[Dyess]

My GP said that my T's notes suggested I was maybe not ready for therapy. What does that mean ? Should I quit and stop wasting my money if there's point to it?

[C.]

It's one comment.  Personally I believe therapy is always appropriate, but maybe this is not a good fit?  or your GP?  In my experience having that conversation w/you T and GP again to explain what they meant would be important.

[Dyess]

Yes, that would be nice to have a further explanation instead of leaving me to over think it. I need something else to dwell on....not.
Have been seeing her since Dec, 2014, you would think she would have figured this out sooner. What's the point of going to therapy if you are not ready? This is all new for me so I really don't know what to expect from therapy, but I thought she would know.

[C.]

I worked around therapists and I'm very surprised she said that plus you heard it third hand from your PCP.  There is no such thing as a person who couldn't benefit from therapy.  Maybe she meant that you need a different type than what she provides?  I'm not sure.  I'm sorry about this experience and it seems you're on the right track questioning what was meant and prioritizing finding therapy that works for you.  It took me three tries before I found the "right" match, so hang in there.  A good enough therapist will surface for you.

[Dyess]

Well the statement was pretty much a kick in the gut. She asked if I wanted to see someone else and I told her I didn't have it in me to start over with someone new. I guess she could forward all my information to a new person, right? I don't want her to be my T if she doesn't want to be, or if she thinks it's going to be too much trouble or work. There is a lot to my case. I have more or less laid it out for her, so if she has questions or wants clarification all she has to do is ask. I go to my appointments even ask what she wants me to do, but she hardly ever answers that. She thinks that me taking a break from counseling might work out good for me. I told her chances would be I would be back after so long of a time, this just puts so many doubts in my mind if I am fixable , or if she wants to be my T or not. And if she wants to drop me as a client , why? What have I done or not done to make her feel that way?

Just thought about something.....Or does this have something to do with the fact I may not have insurance soon? Yeah, I'm getting a pretty strong feeling on that one. I had told her about that about a week ago, and then this letter hits my GP. It's all about the money. It's the good, bad and ugly about most human services. I get it now.

[keepfighting]

So sorry you have to deal with this, Trace. It just doesn't feel right. Like C. said, every person should be able to benefit from a good therapy. This makes no sense and somehow I get the idea that it's the t who's incompetent here....

This is an article about Narcissistic Doctors, not Ts, but I just thought you'd maybe like to read it (after all, a t is also a form of medical specialism):

http://thenarcissisticlife.com/narcissistic-doctors/

This episode got my attention:

"Furthermore, narcissistic doctors don't listen to their patients. They may go for a "quick fix" and not even try to find the cause. Every day problems bore them.."

Is that maybe what's going on with your t? Did she go for a quick fix and when that didn't work she got bored with your problems and is now trying to find a reason to stop treating you by blaming you for the 'failure' of a quick fix? Just a thought...

Real problems require attention in order to come up with solutions, not quick fixes.

I do hope you'll figure out a solution to your work problems, as well. I've had to stay in crappy jobs just for the insurance and I don't wish it on anyone. But you said somewhere that you normally like your job but that the triggers are too high in the department in which you were working. Is your employer open to talking about switching to a department with less triggers/more predictable triggers? (For me, the predictability of triggers makes a huge difference in my ability to handle them)

Wishing you all the best in trying to find solutions for your work problems, your (possible) insurance problems and your t/GP problems. 

[Dyess]

Thanks, Keepfighting, I just know it has knocked the wind out of my sail for now. Thanks for the article and input.

[wingnut]

Curious and don't want to offend but are you showing up when you go in? Are you open to her comments and suggestions? Completing assignments and challenges?  Or combative and argumentative or avoidant? Some therapist's get to a point especially in private practice when they only work with whom they want, choosing those who are committed to working as a team. I do agree you deserve more insight.  It's odd she will write you off without discussion first.

[Dyess]

<<Curious and don't want to offend but are you showing up when you go in?>> Yes, always on time and ready
<<Or combative and argumentative or avoidant?>> Never combative, never argumentative, may have some avoidance issues but isn't that something she's suppose to help with?
I pay my bill, give all the info she could possibly want to get an idea of who I am.
It's just hard to accept at this point, she thinks I need a break ?

[C.]

You make an interesting comment about what she thinks you need right now.  To me that says it all, she's not a good T for you.  Treatment, counseling, healing, and recovery are about what YOU want.  It can be hard to go against a "professional" but in this case she simply seems wrong.  It's about you.  Not about her. 

I worked for an agency w/a lot of counselors and have an ex who is a Therapist and likely NPD.  Sadly. I've heard some of those therapists and people who should believe in their patients be inappropriate.  I had a therapist who wouldn't work w/people diagnosed as Borderline or w/suicidal ideation.  I later concluded that as the patient a person won't know if they fit one of those categories.  Or things could change.  It really isn't fair for her to treat anyone.  Kind of like a GP saying he'll treat anyone as long as they don't have throat issues.  Really???  There are other therapists who do terrific work. 

And about your question earlier, yes your current T can definitely (with your written consent) give your information to another therapist.  So although you would need to start anew w/developing rapport and knowing the therapist, she/he could at least have a general idea about you.

I hope this information helps.  And whatever you decide to do for the moment will be right for you. 

[Dyess]

Thanks C. maybe it was just too much for her, I mean that's why they call it complex, eh?  I will start looking for another counselor, so that my money may be better spent. I really don't feel like we have made much progress at all since December. I think she is a good therapist, she just may rather deal with the easier cases, and that's okay. She just needs to be honest about it. I've paid $150 a visit with her and now I feel that money was wasted. Well at least I got some T experience out of it. Thanks for the input, I really appreciate it.

[C.]

Sounds good.  Keep us posted on how your search for a new T goes if you'd like.  Sounds like you can close this on a positive note and having learned.  Plus maybe it was better to find out earlier rather than later if this isn't the right T for you. 

[Dyess]

I wrote a letter to her more or less letting her know I wouldn't be back. Still on some level breaks my heart that I trusted her so much with my inner feelings and this is where it ends up. But thanks C. I've been looking for another counselor, makes me nauseated doing this though. It took sooooo much for me to even reach out to my T this time.

[Rrecovery]

Hi Trace, sorry to hear you had a bad experience with this therapist.  A good therapist can come up-to-speed with a new client very quickly.  I too have a very complex history and am very complex.  I had a therapist who "got me" in the first session.  I had another who never "got me" even though we worked together for almost 2 years 

It's inappropriate to suggest a therapy break to a client who is motivated.  This therapist wasn't a good fit for you.  If she was half way on the ball she would have addressed it with you - the fact that she doesn't feel she has the expertise to help you.  Then she would have tied to help (or at least support) you in finding the right therapist.  I think the GP relaying that information was serendipitous as it got you away from this situation sooner rather than later.  You sound like a person a good therapist would be thrilled to work with. I'm glad you're looking for another therapist; that takes a lot of courage at this point.  Good for you.  You deserve a good therapist.  Psychology Today has a "Find a Therapist" part of their website.  It's an excellent place to shop for a therapist.   

[Dyess]

Thanks RR. It's hard for me to understand what they want from me. I know what I want but don't know how to get there, that's why I went to counseling. Seems though that you are suppose to come to your appointment with a specific issue to discuss and then you pay good money to talk about something you were already aware of  example: My Dad's suicide makes me sad. T- Well okay, don't be sad, be happy.....NEXT. My lack of experience with T's is certainly frustrating me.  At this point I don't know if I will go back to a T or not.