Hello. New here

[supaduece]

So I'm sure like many of you I've been down the never ending cycle of being re triggered. I have been diagnosed with cPTSD but was never really explained about much with the first therapist. First my medical practitioner decided to put me on Wellbutrin and check in with me 2 months down the road at a time. This didn't work and was terrible to deal with on my own. Next i went to talk therapy where she tried to perform EMDR in multiple ways (The hand vibrators, with a pencil, with the lights) this made is worse and she cancelled almost 2 months of appointments during our sessions where triggering was lightly putting the flashbacks i saw. I gave up on the second therapist as i only felt worse every time we met, i took myself off the Wellbutrin as it made me feel like a zombie. I tried 2 years of neurotherapy as well as having my brain mapped. funny how many lines on that test had TBI listed on them but anyways i thought it was getting better for a while but then like everything else it felt like i was going thru the motions again. yes i can control the screen and make it bigger but here i am again on another Monday morning not having slept but for 3 hours ( I also suffer from insomnia) and i feel like i did as a child, i wake up feeling helpless and scared, sometimes i sit there and negative talk myself to the point of tears. Im a father of 3 and a husband and my family doesn't know how i silently suffer every single morning from the hours of 3-6 AM before everyone gets up. I dont want to get into specifics but the ACES test i got 8/10 and only because i don't know if my parents were on drugs. The one thing i felt i was missing or would be different from what i have done is a group effort or talking, hence why im here yet again attempting to fix my insides and not pass this to my kids.

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome. Well done for making the effort to find healing and to stop the spread down the generations. I have found everyone here to be very understanding and supportive. I hope you do, too. I look forward to seeing you around the forum.

[Papa Coco]

Supaduece,

Welcome to the forum. Finding help is a full-time job for me too. I'm a father of two, and now a grandfather of two more. Your introduction has a lot of similarities to mine, so I can definitely relate to a lot of it. Getting up after 3 hours of sleep is part of my long history as well.

It's great that you found this forum. The people here are supportive and empathetic. Our struggles are not so different from each others, and we can share without having to explain why we feel how we feel. The forum, has been a godsend for me for over 2 1/2 years now. Added to what therapies and treatments I can find, it helps by giving me peers to share the struggle with. I sincerely hope the forum is helpful for you as well.

Welcome.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Supaduece. Many of us struggle to find treatment/medications that work for us.  Part of the reason it is such a struggle is that CPTSD is relatively new as an "official" diagnosis so much of the clinical and research attention has been focused on PTSD.  The tide does seem to be turning though and more and more attention is coming our way so I'm hopeful in the near future it will not be quite so hard to find effective treatment.  In the meantime many of us find that sharing here seems to help.  It can help bleed off some of the emotion when you share and helps deplete the feelings of isolation and shame so many of us carry. So. now you belong to a lovely warm community of survivors who totally get it (all the interesting things that come with CPTSD).  Group hug if that's OK     

[Heartly]

Welcome, supaduece.  You're in a very good place with lots of people who understand what you've been through / are going through.  I find it comforting to know there are people who understand and care.  I, too, had never wanted to pass this along, which is why I chose to not have kids.  I'm glad you did, and they will definitely benefit from YOU.