Hello, I'm New Here

[Ellen Elizabeth]

Hello, I'm new to this site.  About 25 years ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD related to childhood and marital abuse.  A lot of intensive work was done and I thought I'd pretty much wrapped it up.  A few years after, my health collapsed and I have spent 15 years dealing with mysterious chronic illness.  Five years ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Lyme Disease.  About a year later I noticed emotional reactions out of my control that seemed too much for the situation.  Four years of high stress, increasingly toxic, religious social trauma followed, but I was in denial about how triggered I was.  This year, upon acknowledging that a long string of failed social/relational situations adorn my adulthood, I realized that my experience fits exactly the criteria of Complex Post Traumatic Disorder.  I am working with a PTSD specialist and have a very supportive husband.  I really want to desensitize.  Right now I find social interaction of any kind problematic and would like to completely isolate.  However, this is in conflict with my desire to commit to compassionate service.  So...I need to do the work.  The CPTSD distinction is new to me---it wasn't talked about during my initial PTSD treatment years.  I have a lot to learn right now.   

[bee]

Welcome Ellen E.
I can relate to having a chronic illness, though I have adrenal fatigue. I believe it is at least partially caused by being traumatized, it's like being kicked while you are already knocked out.
I can also relate to wanting to isolate. Try to be kind to yourself, go as slow as you need to. Feel free to participate when you feel it is right.
Not happy for the circumstances that brought you here, but happy that you have found others who understand.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome Ellen    It is a lot to deal with, but once you get going and positives start to pop up and they make it worth the effort or at least that's what I've found.  It is complex and if you are finding it overwhelming around here we suggest taking "baby steps" and giving yourself  lots of self-care (rest, taking a break from reading/posting about CPTSD, whatever works for you in terms of your well-being), especially given you suffer from chronic Lyme disease. 

It's great that you have a supportive H and T, and have figured out that it is CPTSD you are dealing with.   Social anxiety (wanting to isolate) is one of five major symptoms of CPTSD that Pete Walker writes about.  If you haven't read any of his work you can visit his site here. http://www.pete-walker.com/.   Many of us really relate to his writing.

Please have a look around and settle in - there are lots of warm and supportive people here. 

[ding dong]

Hi there. I'm new here as well. I can understand about wanting to be isolated. I have just spent the day with my family at a theme park. It was the first time in my life that I have felt that I am living in the here and now instead of the past with all its pit of the stomach feelings I have lived with my whole live. I am 46. I am saying this because if you have found this place then you will be better and happy one day. I have always wanted to be on my own all my life and even thought I had autism until I went to therapy and all this stuff came out. Please keep going and life will turn around. Good luck