My journey so far

[Little2Nothing]

Thanks everyone. 

I appreciate everyone's response.
 Narckiddo, you did not overstep any boundaries. I'm grateful for your input. 

Thanks for your encouragement DesertFlower. 

Armee, thanks for the hugs. 

[Chart]

I know that much of what I did was for survival and I know rationally none of it was my fault. But somewhere deep inside of me there is an image that is twisted, broken and crippled. It is the person created by the circumstance. He refuses to die. His voice is louder than my rational mind. He seems to always win the day. I can only subdue him for a short while and that battle is exhausting.

Like NarcKiddo I deeply identified with this... For me it's a horrible "voice" that blathers incessantly in my head telling me I'm no good, I'm no good, I'm horrible, I am wrong, everything horrible is because of me. This voice is truly thunderous and drowns out all sense from my rational mind. I wake to it every morning and can only phase it out with certain actions, many of which are dissociative (and thus I'm trying to avoid). Facing this voice is the hardest thing I have ever done. I hear what you are describing L2N, I feel it deeply. Thank you for sharing.