Aversion to physical touch

[Armee]

Thank you for expressing this, both Woodsgnome and Cactus Flower.

[NarcKiddo]

 

I think this is a fascinating subject, particularly in the different ways it impacts us. I'm going through a lot of medical checks at the moment which of necessity involve touch which is usually unpleasant even when done with kindness and respect. It is very mentally draining.

Today I have been thinking about other aspects of touch. For instance, I have heard that many people find weighted blankets very soothing. I have heard, indeed, that some people with autism find it very soothing to be in a small, confined space, touching the sides. This does not surprise me. I have not experimented with a weighted blanket but I do have to sleep under a duvet even if the weather is hot. I also have to wear a vest (camisole undergarment) under my clothing even on the hottest days. I find the full-body contact of a snug-fitting item of clothing to be very soothing, so long as it does not hinder movement. I am in eternal debt to whoever invented elastane and lycra!

[Kizzie]

It's seems like you give yourself an ongoing self-hug NK, feelings of being grounded without the actual hugging/touching from others. I know dogs who are quite anxious soothe when they are given a calming coat to wear. Anyway, it all seems to tell the nervous system "hey you're safe and comforted, not free floating in chaos".  I don't know if anyone watched the show Big Bang Theory but I remember the character Leonard telling the gang he had built a hugging machine when he was young because his parents did not ever hug him.

Cactus Flower - I agree about it seeming like the whole world thinks we should all want sex. I used to cringe and feel guilty/different until I came across some sites for those who are asexual. Like Complex PTSD, once again I feel like I belong to a different sort of tribe and that it's OK to be who I am.

[CactusFlower]

I highly recommend the weighted blanket. I was lucky enough to find one being given away in a local Facebook group that was the right weight (it's supposed to be 10% of your body weight) and it's really pretty. I got under it during a freak-out and was stunned. I couldn't even explain why it worked, but I did calm down and felt better much faster than normal. Maybe the stimulation distracts your brain? I don't know. I can't really use it when it's warm out, though, at least not for long.

I've thought about "touch starved" and "touch averse". I generally don't willingly touch anyone but my bro and my BFF, and I accept touch from them. They're definitely the only ones I hug. I don't feel like I'm touch starved, but that might be my brain saying that it's better than touch with ulterior motives. I can deal with handshakes to be polite, but things like hugging in workshops? I do not like that, it feels forced and phony to me. There are a few very close friends I've known for decades that I would hug, but they don't live anywhere near me.

[Phoebes]

Interesting thread, narc kiddo and others! This resonated with me so I thought I'd share. I knew with your TW it might be humorous, and hairballs did not disappoint!

Touch for me is a nuanced topic, and I think for th most part it is the 'expectation' that makes it repulsive for me. First, my NMom who was physically abusive, a,ongst other types..fear-inducing and not loving, then around people she would put on a display of hugging me. Then, her hugs are the creepy, too clingy, too long type of hugs that make your skin crawl.

My enabling dad's hugs had that lingering too long, and somehow slightly sexual in innuendo. Like his hand would be a little too low or high. Whatever the case, I never got the sense from my parents that hugs were a comforting, comfortable or endearing thing. They were sort of a creepy requirement, mostly for show around other people.

That said, I'm OK with hugs from certain people. I can tell the type of people who have a healthy way of interacting and hugging, and that's fine.

Just with basic touch, though, I am more sensitive than the common person. I don't like people touching my hair, especially. Don't like people who walk up and get all touchy-feely and if you poke me for any reason, I will likely come unglued internally when I say something like, please don't do that most people make a comment like I'm too sensitive or a cold or they were just being friendly. Maybe I don't have a sense for what, but I do know that I don't like.