Lists for therapy??

[storyworld]

Have any of you made lists of things you might need to process through in therapy? My therapist is encouraging me to lead our sessions, and I don't often know how. I wondered if it might help if I made a list. But, the thought of sharing it also makes a part of me feel ashamed, needy, and ... weak? Also, do any of you get super sleepy on therapy days, before therapy? Like, for the whole day?

[NarcKiddo]

I first came across my therapist on an online CBT based site. It had lots of questions and worksheets so that provided ample food/lists for discussion. We both quickly realised the site was totally unsuitable for my needs and changed our way of working.

My therapist always gets me to lead the sessions in that she starts by asking me what it would help me to talk about today. I usually have enough grimness going in my life that I give her the latest update and we move organically from there. I do keep a list of topics I would like to discuss with her if we get time. Sometimes these are more theoretical things I want to explore more because I have read something. Mostly they are aspects of my life, trauma or healing process that come up for me during the week and I make a note of them. Then before the session I work out a rough order of importance and see how much we get through. I never share a full list with her at the start of the session, though I am sure she would not mind if I did. If I was not sure where I wanted to start I might give her two or three options and ask for her advice on the best place to start. I have not ever done this but we have worked together for 18 months now so we would both be comfortable with me asking her to take the lead. I think a full "laundry list" might hinder a session. We might get a feeling there is an agenda to get through and be tempted to rush through some areas.

My back up list of undiscussed topics is now quite long. But sometimes I find myself checking through it to see if anything needs to be bumped up the importance scale, and maybe some things do. But some things also fall off the list because I find they don't really matter so much now. Or they are important but we have come at them from a totally different angle than I first envisaged and they have been dealt with.

[storyworld]

Thanks, NarkKiddo,
That's helpful. The resources, questions, etc., you referenced–is that publicly accessible? If so, I'd love to see them to see if maybe they provided something of a guide. Another question, have you ever done parts work with "childlike" parts, and if so, how real do those "parts" feel to you?

I was reading through an old journal entry where I explored a childlike part and wrote some things that surprised me, reading them now. 

[NarcKiddo]

Thanks, NarkKiddo,
That's helpful. The resources, questions, etc., you referenced–is that publicly accessible? If so, I'd love to see them to see if maybe they provided something of a guide. Another question, have you ever done parts work with "childlike" parts, and if so, how real do those "parts" feel to you?

I was reading through an old journal entry where I explored a childlike part and wrote some things that surprised me, reading them now. 

The lists etc are not publicly accessible unless you sign up to the program, at which point the whole set of worksheets is available. I am no longer part of the program. I did download all my worksheets before leaving but it would take forever for me to separate out the questions from my answers as it all arrived as one huge PDF blurb.

I have not really done much work with parts, and never within a therapy setting. My T and I have discussed the inner child and my T has encouraged me to consider and reassure the inner child. We have identified reactions that are clearly coming from little NK. I have had some episodes where little NK has been upset. One time I woke up in the middle of the night and I was crying. Enough of adult NK was around to recognise little NK was upset and it was the first time I tried to engage with little NK. It was a weird experience where I was basically trying to see how best to calm little NK so I could go back to sleep. Some things I tried, like asking "what's wrong" made me cry even more. (I now understand why that was the wrong approach for me.) When I resorted just to telling her "It's OK, I'm here" the crying ended pretty soon and I was able to sleep. For me little NK does not feel "real" in terms of being a separate entity, but I have not made attempts to view her in that way. I think I might be a bit scared to do that. Back in the day when I was a young adult there was a lot of fear of "madness" in the form of a schizoid-type split personality and I possibly have an underlying fear of somehow triggering a split in myself.

[woodsgnome]

I've always found it helpful, if not essential, to start each session with notes about concerns I can reference at any time. My T also starts by asking me what my major current concerns seem to be.

Before the process, I imagine I'm opening the mind to stay open to possibilities. Thus my mind can wander, I can recall something related, and in most instances never fully complete the list(s) I start with. Often i end up moving my lists downwards for future reference in subsequent sessions.

At first it bothered me that I couldn't finish the whole list each time, but now I'm easier on myself -- therapy needn't be a race to some grand conclusion. There may even be surprises along the trai (I picture the process as being a sort of 'wilderness trek' through wild landscapes, which might even include surprises -- good or bad or both -- I'd never encounter wandering on my own. In that sense my T joins me as a fellow traveler.

So I say yes to notes, with an openness to considering them as discovery points. I wilsh you well as you continue your therapy encounters.