Exhausted!

[Blueberry]

I am so exhausted. Deep down into my bones exhausted. Could hardly drag myself up the stairs a few minutes ago.

   

Most of today I was doing really well, getting things done. No exhaustion.

Then I had a shower and washed my hair.    Total exhaustion. Where I have to drag myself around to do things. Especially my legs and feet feel really tired. It's even more clear to me than usual how this state is an EF

I presume I'm re-experiencing trauma w/o knowing what I'm re-experiencing or why or what's behind it. All I want to do is eat junk food or curl up.

Zoom Group is soon

[NarcKiddo]

You've mentioned before that the prospect of showering, hair wash etc can be difficult for you.

I'm sorry you are feeling so exhausted and hope it passes soon. Enjoy zoom group.

[Blueberry]

Thank you NK! Unfortunately, the exhaustion hasn't gone away. I did feel more lively in zoom group yesterday but towards the end I started drifting off. Took my night-time meds at somewhere from 9-10pm, slept through till 11am, didn't get up till 1pm and am still feeling completely exhausted.

Yesterday it was so clear that the sudden arrival of exhaustion was an EF due to shower and hairwash. No wonder day to day life is so exhausting and difficult for me. I'm putting so much on hold, regularly, because I'm so exhausted. 

[Hope67]

Hi Blueberry,
I am sending you a hug  and I hope that feeling of exhaustion is waning at last.   I see you wrote this a couple of days ago. 
Hope 

[Blueberry]

Thank you Hope    I'm less exhausted but not quite up to my energy levels of last week. I feel too exhausted to do any tapping, though I believe that would help 

[Kizzie]

Just checking but did you start any new meds by chance BB?  I have one that makes me feel exhausted/bone tired so I have to watch when I take it. 

[Blueberry]

No, I didn't start any new meds. The timing of the exhaustion really tells me it's connected to shower/hair wash.

But now I've gone down with either tonsillitis or covid, so a different sort of tired has set in. Not exhausted, but definitely tired.   

P.S. Sorry I didn't intend that to sound so blunt

[NarcKiddo]

Ugh. Hope you feel better soon, Blueberry.

[Chart]

No, I didn't start any new meds. The timing of the exhaustion really tells me it's connected to shower/hair wash.

P.S. Sorry I didn't intend that to sound so blunt

I don't mean to change the topic but your P.S. struck me as something I experience ALL the time. First, Blueberry, your response didn't strike me as blunt at all. Only after re-reading it in context of your P.S. that I realized it "could" have been interpreted that way and you were sensitive and conscious of not wanting to be "blunt" which translates as rude. I find I have that same feeling on this forum all the time, that is to say I'm hyper-aware of potentially "not being nice" or worse. It is self-consciousness to an extreme. Anyway, just found that pertinent in the general codependent cptsd way... Really hope your finding your healthy energy again. Perhaps the shower symbolizes you taking care of yourself... which in itself is possibly a general trigger? Just a thought.

[Blueberry]

I don't mean to change the topic but your P.S. struck me as something I experience ALL the time. First, Blueberry, your response didn't strike me as blunt at all. Only after re-reading it in context of your P.S. that I realized it "could" have been interpreted that way and you were sensitive and conscious of not wanting to be "blunt" which translates as rude. I find I have that same feeling on this forum all the time, that is to say I'm hyper-aware of potentially "not being nice" or worse. It is self-consciousness to an extreme. Anyway, just found that pertinent in the general codependent cptsd way...

Thanks for pointing that out. Self-conscious is one of my middle names... I'm often hyper-aware of my words and how they might be misconstrued, probably because FOO did a lot of misconstruing on purpose, still do in fact, but contact is limited. I might also have been thinking it sounded a little blunt towards Kizzie, don't remember any more.

Really hope your finding your healthy energy again.

Thank you, it comes and goes. Been flat out in bed for a few days. Sort of getting going again now.

Perhaps the shower symbolizes you taking care of yourself... which in itself is possibly a general trigger? Just a thought.

That could well be, because in FOO I wasn't really meant to take care of myself, at least not in all ways. It was a bit complicated...

[NarcKiddo]

I'm also hyper-aware of my words, possibly for a similar reason to you. I don't recall FOO openly misconstruing on purpose, though they may have done, but they were all extremely good at "glossing over" questions, for example, and only answering the parts they wanted to answer. They were also extremely good at using vague language that did not appear vague, so there was lots of wiggle room if a challenge was made later. So I have long been aware of the power and complexity of language. This is at least useful in my legal job even though the career would not be one I would choose again.

 

[Kizzie]

No worries BB, it wasn't blunt and I know you well enough after all this time together to know how you write. That's the thing about friendship, you don't have to worry as much about how you sound because the other person knows your heart if that makes sense. 

[Blueberry]

No worries BB, it wasn't blunt and I know you well enough after all this time together to know how you write. That's the thing about friendship, you don't have to worry as much about how you sound because the other person knows your heart if that makes sense. 

Thank you for saying that Kizzie.