Up and down

[Marianne]

I've wanted to try keto for ptsd for ages...but I'm finding myself fluctuating between being extremely restrictive in my diet and letting go of everything and binging on sweets and junkfood.

How to stick to a stable healthy diet?

[Papa Coco]

I second that.

In fact I talked about it with my T yesterday. He is an IFS qualified trauma therapist. He suggested that to start with, every time I want to get an ice cream or a bag of chips (Which I do several times a night), I should put one minute on my watch timer. Spend that minute just exploring my feelings. What's making me want to eat? Let the feelings expose themselves. Then after the timer ends, I'm free to either go get the treat, or hold back. The point is that my body is trying to tell me something.

I know that in my past, the only time I ever felt safe was at night watching TV with ice cream. My parents didn't care what was hurting me. They delivered me to my abusers every day by putting me into a school that was abusive, despite how many times I'd begged them to let me go to school with my friends. BUT at night, TV time was safe. Mom believed Ice cream could cure any sadness. So, rather than protect me from abuse, she soothed my pain with ice cream during those quiet TV watching hours between school sessions.

I grew up feeling safe by mimicking the past. If I watch TV and eat ice cream, I feel safe and protected today, just as I did then. SO, when my T says to set a timer, and just spend 60 seconds sort of asking my body if it has anything to say to me, that's a way of helping me to get in touch with the parts of me that want to eat even when I'm not hungry.

For now I'm not going to force myself to refuse to eat. But I AM going to spend my 60 seconds listening to my body tell me what it's feeling while I'm pausing before I go to the fridge. I hope that as time slips on by that I'll learn enough about my body that I'll start to automatically lose my interest in finding safety in fats and sugars and salts.

Forcing myself to lose weight by counting calories and abstaining from sugars and high fructose anything works well. I've lost 60 pounds four times by doing that. I've gained 60 pounds five times by returning to my wiring as soon as the diet is done. So yoyo dieting isn't working for me. If I want to lose the weight and gain the healthy sleep that a healthy diet brings, then I have to talk with my IFS parts and rewire my thinking so that I don't just gain it all back as soon as I reach my goal.

[Marianne]

Thanks. Sorry you went through that. But your response was real helpful.

My childhood had a similar relationship to eating. I was not protected from abuse. But soothed with food. It was also a way of my mum to show love. Which was well-intended...

...and to my shame I see myself do the same with my kid...where food is a way to show love...

But I find the minute to feel before food a good approach.

Thanks!