Dream work is exhausting (TW: violence)

[Cascade]

Hi Group,
I'm not sure how much of my current feelings are emotional flashbacks anymore, versus being stuck in depression, immersing in healing, or simply giving myself permission to take things one moment at a time.  I've lost count of the weeks.  My mind has returned to my old practice of dream work.  It is just as exhausting as it was decades ago.  It does seem to need to be part of my current process, though, because it is the one facet of healing that has been consistent lately.  It takes so much out of me to experience the dreams and then journal them upon waking, though.  I just need to make that comment right now about the confusion and exhaustion and put it out there.




--- Trigger Warning ---
Before I list the titles of recent dreams, one title conjures an image of violence.  I'd like to list the titles, at least.  I'm not opposed to sharing details; it just seems like a lot of writing for one post if I do that now.

The dreams are nightly now, which is more frequently than I can really keep up with processing emotionally.  I'm starting to wonder each night if I will have more dreams to process the next day.  It's just so exhausting.  The titles of my most recent dreams are:

• A New Space to Occupy
• Mom's Still Alive [Actually, she passed away a few months ago.]
• I'm Still Working [Actually, I resigned a few weeks ago.]
• Witness to a Stabbing Murder
• Taking Care of Mom, Again

I hope I can soon use the unconscious prompts to do other therapeutic things consciously.  I think I've lost my drive today.  Thanks for listening.
   -Cascade

[Lakelynn]

I agree Cascade,

Carrying dreams from the night into the day IS exhausting and hard, hard work. I think it's valuable and any effort you put into it will lead to greater understanding of yourself at this point in time.

I'd like to propose that any dream, whether violent or not, is a resource you can access and track all by yourself. No therapist needed. It doesn't hurt to discuss with others, but I've found the most accurate meanings are internal. There's always something another person didn't quite "get" about you and therefore trusting their interpretation wholeheartedly may lead to disappointment. I will also say, in 30 years of therapy, one therapeutic interpretation was relevant and led me to new growth.

There's many thoughts about dreamwork, including lucid dreaming. You might want to check that out. From my small experience in scientific sleep understanding, dreaming only occurs in REM sleep. Dreams may seem long, but in reality, they usually don't last more than a couple minutes. But the vivid emotional engagement distorts time and it's hard to know just how long a dream lasted.

I have nightmares, sleep paralysis and garden variety dreams in which time is in another dimension. Like you, deceased people are alive, I'm still working, after 12 years of retirement. As I understand it, the content of our dreams reflects our efforts to cope with current reality OR, if that's too much, gives us clues to our feelings about that reality. I spent 3 years of COVID dreaming "lost" dreams where I couldn't find my way to any familiarity whatsoever. That's stopped now, but felt very vulnerable at the time.

[dollyvee]

Hi Cascade,

I feel, like you, that we process a lot of things in dreams. I also believe it's another, or can be, a very real consciousness. For example, Dream Yoga by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche who teaches that really everything is a dream.

For me, I think violence in dreams relates to feelings/fears about protection and how we are/are not (were not) protected, and the violence isn't always physical violence, but that's what it feels like on some level. I have had dreams where I am being stalked with machine guns, or am having to fight/kill someone's family. These are usually when I'm dealing with men/relationships/intimacy which all feel very threatening to me on some level.

I agree with Lakelynn that it's hard to trust another's interpretation's of my dreams. However, surprisingly, I have  really good affinity with an online dream dictionary whose symbolism seems to fit with my dreams. So, I guess perhaps there is some universality to it.

I hope you are able to fiind some space with your dreams,
dolly

[Cascade]

Lakelynn and Dolly,
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and insights and resources.  Yes, it's definitely about feeling.  When I journal, I try to write about the feelings I have during the dreams.  It's working on that emotional level, but ugh... it just sucks.

Yes, Lakelynn, I definitely approach dreamwork as an opportunity to process and understand what I'm going through and feeling, so that is a good thing.

Dolly, I like your perspective that violence can be an opportunity for protective emotions.  I hadn't made that connection.

Last night's title was The Abandoned Infant.  Before I got out of bed, I talked soothing and comfortingly to my little one inside, letting her know I'm not abandoning her.

Thanks again for reading and adding your heartfelt replies.
   -Cascade