Thoughts about dating

[TxiaHoria55]

I follow several Instagram pages that create activity events. One of them put a speed dating event, and since then I have been reflecting a lot about dating in my case.
I've allways wanted to be in a loving relationship. Find someone I'm in love and happy with, marry them and create a family. Despite that, I had never been before in any relationship: there was a lot of toxicity at home, I was too shy, found my self too ugly or unlovable. I had a situationship, but didn't last long either.
When I saw the speed dating event, part of me wanted to go, since I still long for a love connection. But part of me just doesn't feel good about it.
I've been diagnosed with PTSD (C-PTSD actually, but in my country the official diagnose is PTSD) since septembre of last year, though I already had symptoms of it at least since 2021. I'm on antidepressants and in therapy since the end of 2023, and despite it I still struggle sometimes to function as a human being. Because of my C-PTSD I also suffer from several health problems.
I tell all of this because that's what I was thinking about when I was saying I'm not ready. I fear I would be a burden to any potentional partner, that I don't have really anything to put on the table. I'm sure I don't want a casual thing, but I'm not sure that I have the energy to put into a serious relationship in these moments. I fear I'm not good enought yet. But I'm not sure if I'm being biased of not in this topic.
I feel a little bit lost on this. I would appreciate any advice that I could get.

[InTheQuiet]

Hi there

I wonder if you are not putting a lot of pressure on yourself to know all the answers?

What if you went along to the event just to speculate? See if you resonate with anyone? No pressure for a particular outcome.

I've never had a partner who didn't have their own set of personal issues to deal with - I think that's part of being human!

I have also worried about what I 'bring' - I sympathise. However, it's much more nuanced really - it's about what we generate together with others in relationship too.