Spanking is Abuse Part 2

[Phoebes]

I've often thought if I was born with some sort of special need or behavioral issue, I'm not sure I'd be alive now. There was zero patience or understanding for child-like behavior or even speaking or having an opinion. If I had inadvertently made noise or been defiant I'd be dead. I've often wondered why my teachers never checked on me. I know I had many signs of abuse. I was good at hiding it most of the time because I made good grades and didn't make a peep. It baffles me how "acting out in school" is a known sign of abuse because the last thing I would do is that, lest it be really bad at home.

[Little2Nothing]

I had a school counselor in middle school that tried to come along side me, but my attitude and behavior was so bad she gave up. 

I think, especially back then 60's, trauma wasn't a thing. What people saw was the beligerence of a snot nose teen and pegged me as a bad apple. The fact is I was a bad apple. 

Even today with the knowledge of the effects of trauma on kids there is insufficient training for those who interact with abused kids. Plus you have those who naturally have little tolerance for kids that act out or they have unresolved trauma of their own. 

I fear there is no simple fix. 

[AphoticAtramentous]

I've often thought if I was born with some sort of special need or behavioral issue, I'm not sure I'd be alive now. There was zero patience or understanding for child-like behavior or even speaking or having an opinion. If I had inadvertently made noise or been defiant I'd be dead. I've often wondered why my teachers never checked on me. I know I had many signs of abuse. I was good at hiding it most of the time because I made good grades and didn't make a peep. It baffles me how "acting out in school" is a known sign of abuse because the last thing I would do is that, lest it be really bad at home.

Absolutely...
I know everyone's trauma impacts them in different ways but one of the core parts that separates my trauma from others' is that fear of pain... I didn't backchat, complain, express my opinion, or act out. I wanted to, but I didn't, because I didn't want to get hurt. In school, I was practically a model student. I did what I was told, I got good grades. But this was only so that when I got home I wouldn't get hurt.

Occasionally I hear someone else talk about how they fought back against their parents or superiors and it immediately puts me into a panic mode and all I can think of is "Don't do that, don't do that, don't do that." In the past I've even actively outwardly told them that, to not fight back, because I didn't want them to get hurt. My endured physical abuse was so ingrained in me that I thought the physical harm was a global phenomenon, just a fact of life, and I wanted everyone else to also be quiet, for their own safety. It's taken me a long time to realise that this is not reality, and that it's okay for me and others to speak up.

On the part 1 of this thread I wrote a post in 2017 how I had overcome my natural instinct to flinch at sudden hand gestures. It's just nice to realise that this is still the case, and be happy that I'm no longer afraid of something as small as someone raising their hand for a high-five...

Regards,
Aphotic.