Dysregulated Nervous System

[ScapeGoat69]

Hello-
Support group camaraderie helped me most during my life and once again I find myself in need of such company.  I am new here but not new to toxic family abuse.  I ran away from my family early by going away to college and living on my own right after.  My Mom, who passed last November at the the age of 97 was a narcissist.  My older sister became like Mom and my I didn't realize my brother was as traumatized as he is until the last year of Moms life.  It was a major triggering event for me.  I am the family scapegoat.  When my father passed away I was surprised at the love my siblings had for him.  When growing up I lived in fear of him.  Seems what I found so frightening was his righteous rage, only now do I understand what happened to him...and now me.
It took my entire life to finally release the decades of anger I repressed from my childhood. I am today so unlike the passive child I was. While that is healthy the massive dysregulation I feel is not.  So I post. 
Thank you for being a community of like minded folk who can help me heal.
ScapeGoat69

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome.

Living in a narc family system is just awful on so many levels. Even once you realise what you are dealing with it is astonishing how many layers of dysfunction just keep on appearing.

Wishing you all the best on your healing journey. I hope you find as much help and support here as I have.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Scapegoat.  I too come from an N family and even though both my parent have passed I still suffer from the dysregulation you talk about whenever I have to deal with someone who is an N or a situation in which I feel like I am being made the scapegoat.

It does help I find to be here and share about what we went through and what we still struggle with, seems to defuel it more quickly when you know you're not alone.   

 

[Papa Coco]

Hi Scapegoat,

Welcome to the forum. I agree with you that comradery with people of like circumstances is immeasurably valuable to our healing.

I'm sorry to hear of yours and your brother's traumatization. I hope this forum is able to help and be of support.

[dollyvee]

Hi ScapeGoat69,

I was also a scape goat in my family and have the feeling (belief) that I will be punished for standing up for myself that I carry around my life. I hope you're able to find what you need on the forum 

dolly

[Cascade]

Thanks for joining us, ScapeGoat69!

I, too, experienced and am still experiencing major difficulty processing my mother's death, which was also in November, like yours.  We'd been estranged for ten years.  First my left brain took over and I treated everything that needed to be done as "logistics."  I didn't let myself feel anything... just told myself to get through the logistics of it because that's all it was, like there weren't any emotions left.  As soon as the sale of her house was complete, I had a huge trigger at work on March 1, and completely fell apart.  So here I am.

Thanks for sharing your story,
   -Cascade