Will I have to let my GF go?

[GoSlash27]

 All,
 I only found out that I have cPTSD last week. I'm beginning therapy tomorrow and I'm worried about changes that may be demanded of me in the process.
 My GF of 15 years also has cPTSD from childhood trauma. It's actually why we get along so well. Our personalities mesh in a way that they simply wouldn't with 'normal' people.
 My fear is that I will be pressured to leave her behind, or I will change in some way that causes me to come to that conclusion.
 I *really* don't want to ever let her go.

 Is this gonna be a problem?
-Slashy

[NarcKiddo]

This sounds like trauma talking, Slashy. I am familiar with catastrophising and thinking things through to their logical and then illogical and then frankly outlandish conclusion. You know, just in case that bizarre outcome happens, so I know how to react when it does.

Truth is, nobody can know what will happen in the future. But if you have a solid relationship of 15 years I think you will find it has already weathered changes in both of you as you have grown together.

My husband has childhood trauma, though he hotly denies it. I think that is one of the reasons we mesh. When I started therapy he feared very much that my therapist would tell me how bad he is and that I must leave him. It took me the best part of a year to persuade him that a) I am not doing therapy because of him and b) my therapist does not tell me what to do.

Our relationship has challenges, as does any relationship, and since starting therapy I realise that the major problem for me is that some character traits of his remind me of my mother and I react badly to those. I am working with my therapist to recognise that he is not my mother. When he gets angry at himself and is all big and loud and shouty, which would reliably send me into an EF because my mother was big and loud and shouty, my therapist has helped me work through that and emotionally understand that he is not shouting at me, never would shout at me, and never would harm me. All this has been done without my ever asking him to change his behaviour. We may come to a stage where I need to tell him how a particular behaviour of his affects me, in the hope that he will want to modify that behaviour. But since we can never reliably change somebody else, only ourselves, I don't think it is fair for me to ask for changes that may be hard for him and may not even work for me as anticipated if he did make the change.

My husband has noticed changes in me and I have noticed that he has been modifying some of his more problematic behaviours without my having to ask. We have been married for over 30 years and I do not expect that to change until one of us kicks the proverbial bucket.

If your therapist suggests you should leave your GF then I would suggest you run very fast away from that therapist. Even if the therapist thinks privately that your GF is wrong for you (which I highly doubt) their job is to help you live your life how YOU want to.

In short - I don't think this is gonna be a problem. What I do think is that you are, understandably, anxious about starting therapy. The first few sessions will be about establishing trust in the therapy relationship. And if trust is hard to achieve at first, then at least a willingness to explore the situation and a recognition that you are in the driving seat. I hope you find the first session reassuring. Expect to feel pretty exhausted afterwards.

[GoSlash27]

Thanks, NK.

 You're right; I'm just worried about therapy, even though I obviously need it.

 I haven't tried therapy for 30 years. It didn't work then, just made everything worse... But that was therapy for a misdiagnosed condition. 

 I need to quit inventing problems that don't yet exist.

Best,
-Slashy