Not sure about this

[Ceit]

Not sure where to start. On going rape and abuse from 6. Struggling with flash backs and guilt and feeling disgusting and very alone. Pretty much had enough of it all. 

[Kizzie]

Hello and a warm welcome to OOTS Ceit. I am so sorry to hear about the abuse you suffered and totally understand why you're feeling the way you are. There are many CSA survivors here and hopefully you will feel comfort and support from them, from all of us really. 

First thing I hope you'll hear is that you are not disgusting, the person or people who abused you is/are. We end up feeling guilty, ashamed and disgusting when it is absolutely not us who should be feeling that way, it is our abusers. 

Part of recovery is putting responsibility back when it belongs, on them and knowing and accepting that as little kids we did not have the power to stand up to them. That's why they do it; because they can. Adult you can help that younger part of you learn this and be comforted and protected by you.

You are safe here to talk about what you went through and how it has left you feeling. 

[Papa Coco]

Ceit,

Welcome to the forum, and I resonate with Kizzie, in that I'm sorry to hear of all you've been through. The people here have different backstories, but we all found this place where we can interact with others who can understand what each other has been through.

I hope you find comfort here among these friendly people. I sure have found a lot of comfort here.

[woodsgnome]

Maybe it seems far-fetched that there's any place, on-line or down the street, that can make up for what happened. My faint hopes upon joining OOTS was precisely like that -- I had no hope, period.

Gradually it dawned on me  this place is different, despite my ongoing skeptic's doubts. How could anybody, anywhere, ever accept any notion that I was really okay, mattered, and had anything worth while to share. I still have difficulty with the idea I could possibly overcome what came before, but I've seen enough to feel  that yes, this is something different, and so am I. The hurt still resurfaces with harmful effects, but all that matters here is so much better than that old story.

May you find the same peace and understanding. As has been pointed out, you are welcome here.