What do I say here?

[someonewholovesthemselves]

I was wondering if I have to reply to every single comment/suggestion on my post. I am scared of not acknowledging their effort and making them feel bad. I need time for myself, I can't do it. It is too much for me. People make me feel unsafe. What do you suggest?

[Hope67]

Hi Someonewholovesthemselves,
Honestly, just say what you feel comfortable to say - you don't need to reply to things specifically - sometimes in my journal I say things like that I'm grateful to all the people who've replied and then I just say what I want to say, or feel able to say that day.  I don't think there are rules about it. 

Hope 

[NarcKiddo]

 

[Chart]

SWLT, You absolutely do not have to reply to anyone UNLESS you want to. I write comments for you and others, but also for myself. The process of writing helps "anchor" an idea in my head. Again, this is a response but not ONLY for you. So in the same sense you too are free to do what is best for you.

The Forum is a holistic activity. We are sharing ideas and experiences, with the objective of helping, learning, expressing etc. There are rules for "how" we express, but not quantity or timed responses, or even if you respond at all. Here you are free to be yourself, respond or not, when and in any manner you desire (so long as it is appropriate and respectful).

It could be interesting to explore your feelings of sadness or guilt due to your sometimes not responding to someone. Do you think you're hurting that person? Just a reflection on my part. No need to respond if you don't want to.

[someonewholovesthemselves]

Hi Chart
Yes I feel like when I don't respond to people, I'm hurting them. Because whenever my narcissistic father would stop responding, he would get aggressive and hurt me.
I think for me, I need to find a sense of belonging to something. Maybe plants. I don't know. I just really would want to belong somewhere. That would be helpful in my journey for healing.

[Chart]

SWLT, I'm sorry your father did that to you. Silence from a parent is terrifying for a child. Especially when the child knows or thinks the parent is angry.

I can understand your feeling of 'not belonging'. I organized my weekend to go to a town event where I live. Music, food, fireworks and tons of people. I woke this morning having slept very badly. I was scared all night. The event was programmed for this afternoon. I tried to calm myself in preparation. I called a (my only) friend but he didn't respond. I ate lunch and then tried to take a nap, but I was full of angst. I kept imagining running into people I half-know, the kind of society that terrifies me the most. I kept trying to reassure myself, telling myself it would be good, people are nice, not dangerous, and I HAVE to get out and try to meet people... I finally got moving, drank a huge coffee (for courage) and drove to the event location... Nobody, not a soul... I checked the email I'd received with the information... it's NEXT weekend... The park was so empty. I sank into sadness... I feel so alone too... I thought and thought about what to do. I did some Tapping and meditation. I spoke with my inner child... We are both very sad and depressed. Being alone is so hard. I drove back home feeling a tiny bit better after the Tapping. Now I'm back home eating comfort food and feeling the breeze in my garden. I'm writing to you and it's a bit better now. I feel I belong here on the Forum. People support me and I understand what they are going through too. If you are looking for a place where you feel included and belong, the Forum is really a great place. No one will judge or criticize you here. You are free to come and go as you need and like. And you will find understanding. We know what it's like.

Hope maybe that helps. Sending hugs if that's okay...
 

[Armee]

You belong here. We all understand and experience similar things.

[NarcKiddo]

Yes I feel like when I don't respond to people, I'm hurting them.

I can identify with that feeling. I have been known to reply to posts simply because I have read them and then feel I ought to say something. This is not even where I have started a thread and people have responded to me, but another person's thread where they have no idea if I have read their post or not unless I tell them. I have realised that on this forum it is totally fine not to reply to everyone. Or even anyone if you are not up to it. It's also totally fine just to respond with an emoji if you feel that responding will help you feel better but don't have the energy to write anything.

[Blueberry]

Yes I feel like when I don't respond to people, I'm hurting them.

I have been known to reply to posts simply because I have read them and then feel I ought to say something. This is not even where I have started a thread and people have responded to me, but another person's thread where they have no idea if I have read their post or not unless I tell them.

Same for me about replying to posts. Even though 'ought' isn't that different from 'should' and "Should is never good for me". It's even harder when it's a thread I started.

I think for me it's more about thinking I really should or in many cases want to help the person or at least acknowledge their post and maybe that they're in a bad way or maybe they've just made some progress, partly since people kindly reply to my posts. Or if it's a thread I started, I feel I ought to thank and acknowledge, I enjoy getting an acknowledgement too when I've responded on somebody's thread. I do use emojis though instead of words or quote another mbr's post with  when words fail me, or no energy left.  Or they've expressed it perfectly, why repeat it verbatim?



It's interesting though about the not-hurting-people that you say someone and NK. By 17yo (maybe younger idk) I had thoroughly absorbed from FOO that I was not allowed to hurt people. Saying "No" hurt people according to this 'rule'. So maybe not replying aka ignoring in my mind in this type of case does too? I don't have a definite internal response to this, but maybe one will come in the next couple of days. But 2 minutes later it does occur to me that 'not replying' does not equal 'ignoring', because if I read the post, I'm not ignoring it.

I write comments for you and others, but also for myself. The process of writing helps "anchor" an idea in my head. Again, this is a response but not ONLY for you.

 

No read to respond to any of this SWLT