Trauma bond?

[someonewholovesthemselves]

Hey. So I'm in a situation that I'd like to discuss here.
There's this guy, he was my teacher last year. He is 9 years older than me. I've been to almost all of his classes and have met him like 4 times briefly.
He has the following traits:
1) Talks about himself, alot.
2) When I met him for the first time, he talked about a really depressing period in his life (that's way to early to share something personal)
3) Does not believe in God and marriage.
4) Admits to manipulating the women he dates so as to not having to buy them gifts or spend money on them.
5) Said, "I'm a feminist. Its hard to find a female thats reasonable". He's words and actions are contradictory.
6) We were having a conversation and he said, "You sound ridiculous right now"
7) Is a reckless driver, wears the same clothes the entire week or longer, gets aggressive.
I am obsessively thinking about him for the last six months.
9) Also there's a possibility he cheats too (not too sure about that)
10) He started dating women, but said they didn't click, so now he's dating guys. He's specifically moving to the UK to date hot British guys.
11) Was teaching us something and used the mnemonic "Some lovers try positions that they can't handle"
12) Makes it a point to make people feel like they're stupid.
13) I'm in med school, and he's a teacher there. He must be really smart (he teaches really well) and has read God-knows how many books.
14) His instagram handle is a number, a disgusting number (that insinuates you-know-what)
15) I was really scared of him, so I stalked him. I know his phone number, email address and where he lives. I have zero intentions of causing harm. I'm just looking out for myself.
16) I have a narcissistic father. And I gravitate towards people like him. I feel the need to fix someone, so I don't have to fix myself.
17) I can't get him out of my head. While writing this, I've realized he isn't good for me.
18) He never love bombed me though. And I'm naturally empathetic, is it a possibility he thinks I'm the narcissist? I do admit that I have narcissistic tendencies.
And I get very rude to people who are rude to me (thats one of the things I'm scared of, since I can't speak infront of my father without him getting violent)
How do I stay away from this teacher? I don't have classes with him anymore, but I do see him when I'm walking to my class, or in the corridor, or through the window to his office. My friends say I find toxic masculinity attractive.
The question is, am I reading too much into this, is this a trauma response to being called ridiculous that has sent me through this downward spiral of considering if he is a narcissist, or is he actually one, because he sends me on an emotional roller coaster.
Even writing about this, I feel so overwhelmed.
I know I need to work on myself, learn to accept myself as I am and let go of false beliefs.
I think, just the fact that I'm overwhelmed around him (and unsafety is all I've ever known, it feels comfortable, I know unsafety, I've been unsafe my entire life). I want to change that.
Also do all friendships/relationships happen naturally, or do we have to chase people?
I'd appreciate different perspectives on this.

[Phoebes]

As someone in his position of power, his behavior is totally inappropriate and he is hoping for whomever he is low-key grooming to emerge. My opinion from experience would be cut off contact in your mind. Change directions and interests, and when you run across him, that's ok, just smile and say hello with little engagement or energy. It's all about that energy we used to give energy vampires, ya know?

[Chart]

I totally agree with Phoebes. This is a dangerous person to establish a relationship with (in any form).

The problem is that our traumas draw us towards the only things we know, and knew in childhood: unbalanced toxic relationships. We are pulled towards the same situation over and over. For two reasons: one we are intimately familiar with it, and so strangely feel confortable, and two, there is a part of our psyche that seeks this type of person to "correct the past". Either by changing the person, or rewriting our trauma history, with the objective of course to give it a happy ending.

Attention! Neither works!

You said:
And I'm naturally empathetic, is it a possibility he thinks I'm the narcissist? I do admit that I have narcissistic tendencies.
Please think this through a little bit. It is my opinion that these things are contradictory. At least in the positive sense of empathy. (There is a new fadish concept of a 'Dark Empath' but this does not fit your questioning behavior.)

Empath and Narcissist are relative opposites.

That being said, having narcissist tendencies can and often ARE healthy and necessary. The distinction is, a Narcissist is unconscious of the difference AND is unconscious of fact that it is wrong to manipulate others for purely selfish gain.

I hope I'm not repeating stuff you already know. Sorry if that's the case.

One last thing... Why would you care that he thinks you're the narcissist? Please forgive me for being very direct but I think this might be a very big blind spot for you. Please reflect on this and know that the trait of taking responsibility for other people's behavior can be extremely self destructive. I hope you can you see that. He's the narcissist, yet you suggest that he might think YOU are the narcissist AND you admit to having "narcissist tendencies". It feels like you're playing right into his hands here. Please be careful!

I know this because it is one of my principal problems: Anything wrong in a situation will be interpreted by me as my responsibility, my fault. Narcissists are drawn to this personality type like flies to honey.

These are my feelings and perceptions of your situation. But I'm not an expert apart from my own personal experience.

Hope that helps. Don't hesitate to talk to your therapist if you want and can. Lots of feedback and opinions are the best way to figure out and better understand our feelings in relationships.

[NarcKiddo]

He sounds unpleasant and unprofessional. I wonder whether it is worth your emotional energy considering whether or not he is a narcissist. If he scares you to the point of you stalking him, as you put it, then that would seem to be a part of you giving yourself a warning that he is maybe not someone you should get tangled up with. You clearly (and rightly, in my view) have concerns so I am glad you are talking them out here.

Maybe it would be easier to keep away from him if you remind yourself of his apparent plan to move to Britain in search of hot men. That would not indicate much potential for any sort of longer term interaction with him.

I am not very good at friendships due to trust issues, but I don't think chasing is the answer. I'm sure some people enjoy a bit of a chase where romance is concerned but I think both parties kind of know the rules of any game they are playing together even if they have never discussed it as such. If it's all one sided and controlling then it would feel wrong to me.