I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing

[someonewholovesthemselves]

Hi. My narcissistic father is making me meet his side of the family (since we have a family get together), including my sexual abuser cousin. I'm so scared. And he doesn't take no for an answer. And I can't even breathe thinking about it, I came up with a plan to start retching in the bathroom, I have a maroon nail paint, I could add a few drops and pretend as if I'm bleeding from the gut (which won't be too hard since I have been bleeding in the bathroom alot, my father said I'm delusional. But this time, there are people around, so he'd be the perfect father in this scenario)
I won't have to meet my abuser. And I can't breathe here. Since I'm claustrophobic and narcissistic people make me want to either run away or get really angry. He said I'll get over it. So, he probably might let me go back to my house (we are on a family trip). And maybe I could get some money out of him to buy my skincare, like 50 dollars would be way too much for me. That * won't give me money, I have to beg for it.
All of this is very manipulative. I don't know what else to do. Can you guys suggest something since I don't trust my judgements. Atleast not in this case
Update: I told him I was bleeding. He said is it about money? Then said, I could take you to get ice cream and you'll be fine. But I can't take you or allow you to go back. Also I got unresponsive (i get unconscious, but I do feel and hear stuff happening around me, something called psychogenic paralysis), and he well, slapped me (tapped me on my face if you will, 7-8 times). Also when I was responsive, he told me (not asked) if I wanted to go just roam around in his car (I know from experience he was looking for an opportunity to get me alone to humiliate). He asked me 12-13 times, i said no all of those times and then I fell unresponsive.
Also I called my mother up to tell her (I lied) that I'm bleeding, and she said she's asleep and she'll talk to me later.
I understand that everyone has their own priorities, but I think I deserve to be cared for. Am I asking for too much?
Also this was my first attempt at manipulation. Never realized who I was up against. I can't beat them at it. I don't think I can.
I'd love to hear you guys' perspectives

[Chart]

SWLT, I'm not a therapist, and on the forum we have to be really careful to make the distinction between "help and support" and "therapeutic counseling". Already I feel like I transgress this boundary too much.

Your situation sounds very complex. You are asking for help and I think you are right in doing so. This is a good first step. So I strongly encourage you to contact someone with professional experience. At least this would get you proactive which often helps too.

I'm so sorry you're struggling and suffering. It sounds like a very triggering experience and you are resorting to extreme measures to survive. This is so hard. This is your cptsd, and we know here on the forum just how difficult it is.

One thing is certain: if you are resorting to extreme measures, then trust yourself, the situation you are in is very very difficult. Trust yourself. No one can tell you what is best for you. No on can tell you what to do. But you CAN trust your own instincts.

I am sending love, warmth and support (and I hope that's okay).

[someonewholovesthemselves]

Hello Chart
Everybody goes through suffering, life's unfair to everyone. A close friend told me you think your pain is the worst, you don't know what goes on inside other people's minds. So for me, it is sometimes hard to even acknowledge that I am going through something traumatic. I doubt myself at times. Alot actually.
Heard someone on YouTube say, "The worst of life couldn't get the best of me".

[Chart]