Better But Still Learning

[Aphotic]

Hey all,

I'm back after first joining in 2019. Figure it warrants a re-introduction. Formally diagnosed with CPTSD, of which I thought I was "cured" of after finishing 3 years of therapy. However, recent events and a bit of introspection has led me to finding forgotten memories and trauma, and I've gone back into therapy with suspected DID/OSDD. I also unfortunately have developed chronic pain this past year which is another thing adding to the stress.

But despite all this, I believe I am still doing better than I was before. Constantly learning, slowly healing...

Some other little tidbits about me: I work as a Senior IT Officer, have been in a long distance relationship for 9 years, and I can type 120 words-per-minute. I'm also a member of a few state government LGBTQIA+ reference groups - and am a big advocate in promoting the safety and wellbeing of queer individuals both in my local state and online.

Regards,
Aphotic (formerly Complex/Perplex)

[Dalloway]

Hello and welcome (back)!  I hope you will find the support and unconditional acceptance I found here so far 

[Kizzie]

Welcome back Aphotic. Sorry to hear about the chronic pain, that can definitely bring up trauma.  I had heard of DID before but not OSDD - something new here every day as we all learn more about complex trauma. I hope being back at OOTS gives you some help and support.

[woodsgnome]

Cptsd is sneakily persistent sometimes. If we don't just give up entirely, we find out that patient learning might indeed be a part of the healing we still need.

Welcome back to a safe haven where you're free to continue learning, and yes -- heal.

[Aphotic]

Hello and welcome (back)!  I hope you will find the support and unconditional acceptance I found here so far 

Thank you kindly, Dalloway. I am hoping the same!

Welcome back Aphotic. Sorry to hear about the chronic pain, that can definitely bring up trauma.  I had heard of DID before but not OSDD - something new here every day as we all learn more about complex trauma. I hope being back at OOTS gives you some help and support.

Yes, I find the same - complex trauma is so well, complex! I'm constantly figuring out something new about the concept itself and myself in turn. Thank you for the re-greeting!

Cptsd is sneakily persistent sometimes. If we don't just give up entirely, we find out that patient learning might indeed be a part of the healing we still need.

Welcome back to a safe haven where you're free to continue learning, and yes -- heal.

Thank you! Sneakily persistent indeed! Patience is another key, yes definitely.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[Lakelynn]

Welcome back Aphotic,

Therapy only works for a time, and then (as you found) new stuff bubbles up. There's hope. It's not all "whack-a-mole." Over time, you change, life changes and things look better overall.

Congrats on hanging in there for your long distance relationship. Sounds like you're staying engaged with others which makes a huge difference. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Welcome back Aphotic,

Therapy only works for a time, and then (as you found) new stuff bubbles up. There's hope. It's not all "whack-a-mole." Over time, you change, life changes and things look better overall.

Congrats on hanging in there for your long distance relationship. Sounds like you're staying engaged with others which makes a huge difference. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Thank you kindly, Lakelynn. (I love the name by the way)
I am thankfully yes still attached to my current partner, though struggling to establish any other kind of relationships - that is partly why I am back here actually.

Unrelatedly, I found an old account of mine that I had forgotten about. So there's two of me, which coincidentally fits with the whole... me-suspecting-DID thing pretty well.    I'll be using this account from now on instead because it has more history attached to it.

[Blueberry]

Welcome back, AphoticAtramentous! I did wonder if new Aphotic might be old AphoticAtramentous. Seemed too much of a coincidence.

Good to hear of what all you've achieved since you were last here

[Papa Coco]

Hi Aphotic,

Welcome back. I joined two years ago,and have been progressively healing from CPTSD since. I suppose it's something that never really goes away completely, but like losing a limb, we can still learn to live good, productive lives even while dealing with the stubbornness of CPTSD.

I look forward to future interactions with you.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Welcome back, AphoticAtramentous! I did wonder if new Aphotic might be old AphoticAtramentous. Seemed too much of a coincidence.

Good to hear of what all you've achieved since you were last here

Thank you Blueberry, it is a pleasure to see you again! I am in awe of your commitment to this space. I hope it's been serving you well all this time.

Hi Aphotic,

Welcome back. I joined two years ago,and have been progressively healing from CPTSD since. I suppose it's something that never really goes away completely, but like losing a limb, we can still learn to live good, productive lives even while dealing with the stubbornness of CPTSD.

I look forward to future interactions with you.

Thank you Papa Coco, glad to hear of your own progress. But yes, it really does feel like I've lost a metaphorical limb. And oh such an invisible disability at that. At times I found myself sometimes actually forgetting I even had CPTSD. But I find these things come in swaying motions, sometimes I can feel "normal", and sometimes I feel like the world is crushing me. Though I may be here because of the latter, I've immediately felt a sense of calm since rejoining. My chronic pain has even quietened down a little (for now, heh).

Regards,
Aphotic.

[Lakelynn]

Good to know the chronic pain is settling down a little. Those victories point to progress and although not STUNNING, it's enough to give a some space to see and feel other things.

I'm glad you found your older account. It's comforting to join the old with the new.

I hear you about relationships.