Hello

[elefem]

Hi all, I'm glad to be here. I found out about cptsd about a year ago, from Pete Walker's website www.pete-walker.com. I'm also reading his book about cptsd. After many trials and errors, I think this is finally the right explanation for what's been happening to me. Before knowing about cptsd, I was very desperate. I was thinking this would never stop, I would never find out about what was going wrong with my life, could never explain it. And most of all, I was thinking I could never get better, because so many attempts had made some way, but it all seemed to end up in the same old despair. Well, I still am desperate. But with many of these concepts, I've seen that I can get better after all. For example, I was thinking my everyday fear of people would never go away. But when I learned more about it, it actually went away, most of the time. As far as I can tell, my cptsd comes from severe emotional abuse by my mother. It's not a physical form of violence, and this made it very hard for me to get to see it for what it was. I was never mistreated physically by my parents, but in my youth, I was sometimes beaten every day with looks, words, emotional terror... No marks, but scars for a lifetime. I'm 41 years old. I feel I don't want to live like this anymore. But living differently is not so easy. I guess I'm not telling anything new to most of you.
So I'm looking forward to exchange some messages with you. Kind regards to all you survivors.

[C.]

I know what you mean about discovering c-ptsd and Walker's book and web site.  I too felt finally validated when I came across his book. 

I am so sorry that you were treated badly as a child.  No child should have to suffer emotional abuse or neglect.  I like what you said about being "beaten" with words.  That describes it quite well.

Welcome to this forum.  It sounds like you are already developing a greater awareness about yourself and what you need to know and do.  I'm glad that you found this forum.  Welcome.  I trust that you will find support and understanding here.