Rainy Journal 2025

[rainydiary]

I noticed that per Kizzie's announcement, some posts from San and Blueberry aren't here anymore.  I remember what you all wrote and appreciate your support. 
......
Right now I am close to needing to leave for work.

I am thinking about how at times I don't know how to think about myself but through the eyes of others.

I feel very alone at work and I am not enjoying it. 

[sanmagic7]

hey, rainy, yeah, my post disappeared in another journal, too.  thanks for saying this, cuz it helped me not go nuts thinking i'd written something but not finding it.

i think i've seen myself only thru the eyes of others on many occasions.  not having a good sense of self will do that, won't it.

i wish your work situation was better, wish i could help.  know that i'm by your side if you need me.  love and hugs

[rainydiary]

I appreciate the care, San. 
.........
Today is feeling hard.

I am crying.  In some ways that is good because it means I am connecting with what I feel.

What I am feeling today is grief.

I am missing the three colleagues that were actually respectful and supportive of me last year.

Two quit our school district because it isn't easy working there.  The other was moved to another school (ironically to the one I was moved from and didn't want to leave).

I am realizing that I could be myself with these three people and say things I needed to say.

That is gone now and I am struggling to find the support they gave me.

It is making me feel really hurt and alone.

I do think seeing that I am grieving is a helpful thing. 

[Desert Flower]

I get you would be grieving that Rainy.
It's really important we have some people that support us. We can feel really lonely without it.

I hope you feel our support here Rainy. Take care.