Afraid of starting Therapy tomorrow

Desert Flower · July 09, 2024, 05:57:48 PM

Hello everyone, they're something that's making me very anxious right now and that is I'm starting therapy (again) tomorrow. And my biggest fear is the T won't believe me. Won't believe I have C-PTSD. Even though 30 years ago, when I started 'therapy' the first time, when C-PTSD was not a known 'disorder', I was in fact diagnosed with PTSD and an identity disorder and some other stuff so that pretty much constitutes C-PTSD I'd say. Or I'm scared that she'll say I'm too 'high-functioning' or whatever. I've looked at her photo online and somehow she seems distant (this is something I'm scared of, my mother was 'distant'). Of course, you never know till you meet them in person. And she does have a specialisation in trauma etc. It's not rational, I know.

And the therapy back then turned out to be awful. It was completely useless. I cannot believe they dared call it therapy. I was placed in a group (when groups for C-PTSD survivors can be especially scary) and we would sit in a room for two hours every week and the 'therapist' and all of us would wait for someone to say something and most of the times, none of us would. And we would just go home after two hours of anxious silence. And whenever anyone did speak, the therapist would never react or comment, never any 'yes, this is normal to be feeling' or any confirmation or any word whatsoever. How was that supposed to be beneficial? It's just outrageous. It still makes me so mad!

I will go ahead tomorrow and go anyway of course. I've come this far and I'm now going to help myself. And I've already talked to the GP that's associated with my work place. That may actually have been scarier because now people at work were gonna find out something's 'wrong with me' and that turned out fine too. Everybody was really nice about it. I just always think the worst will happen.

rainydiary · July 09, 2024, 06:15:25 PM

Desert Flower, I hope the appointment goes as smooth and possible and the therapist is a good fit.

NarcKiddo · July 09, 2024, 10:23:20 PM

I wish you well and hope the session is way better than you fear.

Cascade · July 09, 2024, 10:26:28 PM

Hi Desert Flower,
Your post really resonated with me because I just went through this about a month ago!

I had a bad experience with a so-called trauma expert, too. Your group experience sounds horribly excruciating! Mine was with one-on-one therapy, and she offered absolutely no guidance or facilitation at all. It was straight up cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) without any trauma-informed applications or emotional exercises. After a two-year break, and flirting with suicidal ideation, I was ready to try again and finally found another therapist. She actually mentioned CPTSD and dissociation in her personal introduction online. I'm so glad I took the plunge because she is good and I trust her and feel safe with her.

If your new therapist is worth her salt, she will definitely believe you. Why wouldn't she? It's her job to accept us as we present ourselves, especially during the initial intake and assessment period. Another line of logic I like is: Why in the world would anyone ever make this stuff up? (lol)

You're absolutely right that you never know till you meet her. And you're taking another HUGE step to help yourself, which is definitely a good thing. You're the one with the power, and if it turns out to feel like she is distant, you don't have to continue.

All the best for the beginning of a beneficial relationship, and here's a hug to get you through the anxiety, if that's okay.

-Cascade

AphoticAtramentous · July 10, 2024, 12:23:44 AM

Hey Desert Flower, I also recently started therapy again! I definitely understand your anxiety though, and the fear of not being believed. Unfortunately it is near impossible to tell how good it will turn out until you get there. But there is that saying... you can't hit the target if you don't shoot at all. May turn out unpleasant, may turn out great - but you're giving it a go and that's the important thing!

I do hope it goes well though!

Quote from: Desert Flower on July 09, 2024, 05:57:48 PMI was placed in a group (when groups for C-PTSD survivors can be especially scary) and we would sit in a room for two hours every week and the 'therapist' and all of us would wait for someone to say something and most of the times, none of us would.

This sounds absolutely daunting. I shudder at the idea of a group therapy. I can barely talk to my therapist one-on-one let alone a group of people!

Regards,
Aphotic.

Desert Flower · July 10, 2024, 05:41:34 AM

Thank you all. I'm still scared but it helps me to know I'm not alone in this. On my way in a few minutes.

Chart · July 10, 2024, 11:14:56 AM

Quote from: Cascade on July 09, 2024, 10:26:28 PMIf your new therapist is worth her salt, she will definitely believe you. Why wouldn't she? It's her job to accept us as we present ourselves, especially during the initial intake and assessment period. Another line of logic I like is: Why in the world would anyone ever make this stuff up? (lol)

Good luck Desertflower!

John · July 10, 2024, 02:41:15 PM

Hello desertflower, i also wish you a that the therapist will understand you and help you. I also unfortunately had the same experience regarding group therapy. Nobody said anything. It was like school, everybody was afraid to talk. It was like school. The therapist just said there and said nothing or even attacked you when you said something "wrong".