JDog's Journal

[Wattlebird]

Mums are such an big part of us wether we like it or not, I don't personally like it but know that I need to process that relationship. Take it easy jdog and I'm sending a hug to make everything better! Well I wish I could make it all better

[Jdog]

Wattlebird-
Having your kind words and thoughts here does make it better.  Thanks ever so much, friend.

[sanmagic7]

wow - mother stuff.  always a toughie.  i'm glad you're processing this bit by bit, at a pace best for you.  just want to let you know you're not alone.  some of my most difficult patches were wrapped around family members.  hang tough, jdog.  i like your perspective on everybody not being all good or all bad.  i think that's healthy.  i have a hard time with that at times.  ugh.

love and hugs, sweetie.

[Jdog]

Thanks, sanmagic7.  The general icky feeling I am carrying around with me is partly related to this processing.  I am now very aware of waking up with a feeling of terror many mornings, and it is not related to the present (although there is a plentitude of terrifying stimuli in our world now).  It is old terror.  I had colic as a baby, and no doubt I was scared out of my little mind and body.  So, I am now ready to handle some of this old baggage.  And knowing that my Dad was a sort of bully and my Mom didn't know how to stand up to bullies.....well, the mind boggles with ideas about why I was afraid.

In any case, this slow processing is a good thing, and I thank you for the support.

[Jdog]

I'm on my way out the door to go teach high school and have some concerns about student reactions to the decision not to file charges against the policemen who shot and killed Stephon Clark.  Good wishes are appreciated.

[Three Roses]

Good wishes sent! 

[sanmagic7]

good wishes to you, sweetie.  i just read it myself - i can't believe this keeps happening.  love and hugs to you, too.

[Jdog]

It's a little after 2 a.m. and I couldn't sleep so got up and made my morning cuppa joe.  Or pot of it, more accurately.  I realized I had ordered something from Amazon and forgot to check the front stoop since I came in through the entry from our garage last night.  Thankfully, my little package was waiting for me just now, an amazing thing considering the prevalence of porch pirates.  My little combination metronome/instrument tuner is all in one piece, from the looks of it.

I am aware that I must be stricter with my last class of the day.  Yesterday was not easy, partly because I didn't properly enforce the seating chart and a cluster of low level,kids was sitting together.  I must type the chart into my computer (it has been just in pencil form for the past couple of weeks) and that will also remind me to be stricter with the students about their seating.  Honestly, years ago when I moved from teaching middle school to high school I thought that some of the immature behaviors would fade away.  Some do, but many linger.  This is especially the case with kids who have not had great parenting.  The ones who are causing me grief are either being raised by grandparents or are in foster care.  They, in turn, get others in the class stirred up and there goes my lesson plan.  And yes, being a person with cptsd means I get triggered as well.  Sigh.

Maybe I will try to close my eyes a bit or read now.  I am reading Barbara Tuchman's book about the 14th Century, "A Distant Mirror."  It is both wonderful history, escapism, and a chance to consider the present era and be somewhat grateful that at least some of the practices from the past have changed.....

[Blueberry]

  for being triggered in a classroom of kids. It used to happen to me too. Not easy I know. I also had trouble being strict and enforcing rules, knowing that sometimes I was too strict. Hard to get the balance right.

your little package didn't get stolen.

[Jdog]

 

[Hope67]

Hi Jdog,
Sending you a hug, and I'm happy that your package was safe.   
Hope 

[Jdog]

 

[sanmagic7]

glad you got your package.  also sounds like a good plan for reminding yourself about your seating chart, and why it's there.  a group like that can certainly be a handful, as well as triggering.  well done.  love and hugs to you.

[Jdog]

***TW***

Whew- it's been quite a week.  I realized how much things are affecting me when my wife told me Imhad forgotten to run the dishwasher and we had company coming for dinner last night.  After feeling he shame of letting her down, I washed them all by hand before making the salad.  Any easy fix.

Lots of stress at work - everything from getting the entire school ready for a huge evaluation by an outside panel (they visit Mon-Weds. and their approval rating means kids' diplomas are legitimate) to coping with the continuing budget crisis my district faces (the state will probably take us over in the next 6 months) to dealing with the sad news of a student's demise by her own hand.....it's a lot. 

Adding to this, my city continues to roil with turmoil over the killing of an unarmed person by police last year.  Students walked out of many schools on Thursday and there was a community march last Monday.  I have my own feelings about all of this but the point is, it's a lot to manage.

[Hope67]

Hi Jdog, that is certainly such a lot to have to deal with this week.     I hope that you can get some much deserved rest.  I think you thought on your feet to wash all the dishes by hand - hope that you are ok.
Hope