Trying to start in a new relationship

[kittykat95]

Hello, I'm new here. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD last year. I will share part of my story here, and my hope is someone can either give me advice, or just if they have been dealing with something similar.

TLDR: I am entering a new relationship with someone, but I don't feel my C-PTSD has been resolved and I want to really work on it this time.

So I dated a guy back in January 2023. He had told me he was single for four years because he wanted to work on himself and be the best partner to whoever he decided to settle down with. We had a very whirlwind romance. We fell for each other really fast, or at least I thought we did. He said everything I wanted to hear and after coming from a very toxic relationship before him, it was very meaningful that he wanted to do all these things for me and take care of me. Things started to go downhill very fast. He wanted to dictate every aspect of my life, and he would pick arguments with me quite often. If he got me to my breaking point, I would either shut down, or I would cry hysterically. One point, it got so bad that I threw my phone through my window. After dealing with that relationship for a few months, I broke things off with him and was in therapy for a bit to try to work things out. I later found out that he had cheated on me, which I think increased the symptoms I had of my C-PTSD, in terms of not feeling good enough.

I entered a new relationship about 6 months later, and I discontinued therapy because I felt like all my symptoms had been resolved. But whenever this new person and I had arguments, it would again have a similar pattern. We didn't have arguments as often, but when we did, they were BAD. I had a similar situation during our last fight where I screamed at him. After a while, it felt like I just did whatever he wanted in order to keep the peace in the relationship so I ended that one as well.

Finally, I'm in a new relationship with someone I was in love with about 10 years ago. We've both grown a lot since then, but I am noticing my symptoms of PTSD coming back really bad. I feel like I'm not good enough, I have a lot of negative thoughts about myself, and I don't want it to affect this relationship because I really do care about him, and I want to make sure I'm in a healthy place not only for the sake of the relationship, but because I don't want to feel this negatively about myself anymore. I want to be able to be confident in myself, whether I am with someone or not. If you read all of this, thank you, and I'd love to hear any advice you may have.

[Chart]

Hi Kittykat95, Are you familiar with Attachment styles and Attachment Theory?

Understanding you and your partner's attachment "types" can very often help in working out the dynamics of relationship problems. Not to mention our own individual elements in all sorts of relationships.

Attachment Theory is big and there is a lot to learn.

Check out too the hundreds of YouTube videos by Heidi Priebe.

All this crosses over with Cptsd in a big way.

Hope that can help.
 

[Lakelynn]

Hello kittykat95

I agree with Chart, it's helpful to learn about Attachment styles, specifically your own!

This whole topic strikes close to my heart. Although I'm not trying anymore, I seem to find myself in some kind of relationship which causes me to rehash a lot in retrospect.

The most helpful thing I can say is: trust your intuition. It is never wrong. And expanding on that idea is the concept of trust in general. You can't trust others if you don't trust yourself.

The last couple days have led me to thinking about honesty. Can I build a solid foundation on small lies, or half truths? The answer is no. That means either going back to repair my lie, or letting it stand dancing around it in the future.

Having someone in life to care, to pay attention, to support and maybe even love, is at the top of mountains I climb. Will this be the one? If not the one, can I pretend that what I have is ENOUGH?



On a side note here. I was in love with someone in my 20's and we were a couple. Life interrupted with hardships, but we've remained friends for 48 years. So, even if it doesn't end with romance, friendship is till a good outcome.

I wish you well on your journey.