New Work People

[Phoebes]

UGGGHHHHHHH...so my job position changed a little and I am on a new team. On day 1, the way we were supposed to introduce ourselves was to talk about where we are from, our childhood and a challenge we faced. Well, I knew not to be truthful, so I was generic and brief, but it really got my heart racing and feeling exposed and triggered.

Every person on my team described "great" or "uneventful" childhoods and challenges included things like brothers and sisters calling them a name for being to skinny, being bad at math or not being able to think of anything. I just breezed past and didn't answer the question.

Then my direct team mate said something really off color to me which was really condescending..then I notice she is "Ms. Positivity" and even got commended in the broader meeting for being a breath of fresh air. What?

I don't understand why I got moved from my team. There is no apparent reason other than my company just trying to complicate things. This is really affecting me and how I feel about my job now. I also volunteered to do one thing and have been given a ginormous task because of it, and now I want to withdraw my willingness and opt out.

In the end I know I would be screwed without this job so I'm afraid to voice anything. I feel frozen.

[rainydiary]

I resonate with your work experiences.  I struggle with this type of stuff too. 

I don't have any good ways of handling but wanted to say I read your post. 

[Phoebes]

Thanks, Rainy. I'm sorry you have this stuff too.

[NarcKiddo]

That's horrid.

I would have hated that intro session. Partly because it would have taken me right back to childhood. You know, the assignment where the teacher asks you write about what your family did at the weekend? I was forbidden to write any truth about my family. Like you, I would have chosen not to be truthful in the job situation but the trigger would certainly have been there.

Maybe the huge task you volunteered for could turn out to be a good thing, though. If it gives you an obvious excuse to keep your head down and not have to interact too much with the new team you may have a chance to observe them and work out who is safe and who is more challenging. I hope that Ms Positivity turns out to be nice and that her initial actions were only to hide some insecurity at being part of a new team. But if she turns out to be problematic then I hope you can work out how to interact safely with her.

 

[Phoebes]

Thanks, narckiddo, that sounds reassuring. Just looking at it from an observational standpoint. I tend to hyper detect tones and facial expressions. I have to talk myself down from those things a lot.

[Cascade]

Hi Phoebes,
I hope your work situation is feeling a little more sorted out now after a week.  I had to do those positive introductions every semester at my previous job (gag!).  The change in teams would've been confusing to me, too.

I'm very impressed by the way you're handling it all! 
   -Cascade

[Phoebes]

Thanks, Cascade! I think it's slightly better. But, I am trying not to be so avoidant at the beginning, but I can see it becoming that. We have individual jobs to do by deadlines but then fill our days with meetings that don't pertain to us. (Can you guess what I do? lol)

I have noticed Ms. positivity being a busy body with others and getting called out at times. To which she replied she was "just trying to help." Unfortunately she and I are the only two who work directly together. She wanted to "show me something" impromptu on Friday, so we met in zoom. She wanted to show me what SHE is doing but the tone was that she was "helping" me. Lol. So, in turn, I told her what I am already doing but not in detail. Hopefully she took a hint.

 I guess it could be worse. I just like to be left alone to do my job. I'm the oldest, most experienced person at my job, but don't really want the leadership roles or to do anything but what I do. Which I enjoy when I'm able to do it.

[Cascade]

Glad for the pretty decent update, Phoebes.

Oh boy, I hope you don't get too many "opportunities" with Ms. Positivity.  It sounds like you handled the last one pretty well!  You know what you're doing and I hope you can focus mostly on the tasks you want to do.
   -Cascade

[Phoebes]

Haha. Thank you, Cascade. It's nice to know you're on my team.

[Phoebes]

So far the team is going well. I think I am not used to soooo much interaction and micromanagement. In my last role of the last several years, I was mainly on my own unless I asked something. Now it's constant meetings and teams chat. I know what I need to be doing, but I can't get to it because of meetings that don't apply to me. But we are required. I feel like just saying I'm not coming but I don't think that will fly.

That said, I don't know if it's because of anxiety, but I feel like I have nooooo energy, heart palpitations, shut down and frozen, major insomnia. I cannot function. I went to the doc for blood tests, and I do have an elevated Thyroid (TSH). I looked that up and my lack of energy and elevated insomnia could have to do with this. She ordered me to see a cardiologist, too, and my EoE is flared up (autoimmune). I also have sky high cholesterol. I have read where people from a background of childhood abuse are at risk for high cholesterol. What?

I feel so off, and this sends me into a spiral of thinking I can't keep up, I will be fired, and homeless, and at the very least misunderstood. I usually can organize ,self and get things done at least. I'm going to start with making a list today and just plan to work through the weekend.

[Kizzie]

Now it's constant meetings and teams chat. I know what I need to be doing, but I can't get to it because of meetings that don't apply to me. But we are required.

Ugh indeed!!!  I was just telling someone this morning that the hardest thing about working before I retired were meetings that didn't apply to me or required social events. 

I feel like just saying I'm not coming but I don't think that will fly.

Could you perhaps say to your supervisor that the meetings are not relevant to you and eat up time you could be working on what you are responsible for?

[Phoebes]

Thanks Kizzie. Yes, I told her that very thing. She agreed, yet still said the (new) boss says we have to go.

 Now the vibe has changed with the work group. I'm trying so hard not to take it personally but you know how it is when everyone is on teams/Skype joking around or sharing info or commenting on the meeting. But when I share, joke or chime in I have noticed not one person acknowledges my existence. Seriously! Multiple times.

One of them asked if anyone had a meeting invite for an actual important meeting, and I posted it for her and said the time. I had not gotten the invite and had to ask for it myself, and it sounded like she was in the same boat. She did not respond, and then I realized the meeting was earlier than I thought. I texted the group that it was actually at one not 130, to no response. Once I got in there, everyone was already there participating with the leader. It's a bummer. They couldn't have just had my back and told me the time or acknowledged my response. But again, I'm trying not to take it personally. Maybe no one saw it. Even though they're chatting on it all day long. I told my supervisor too that I cannot get anything done if we're expected to be in the chat box all day she said don't worry about it. Just do what you need to do. she's actually leaving and one of the mean girl types is taking over.

 So I'll probably just stick to myself and then get accused of not being a team player. The thing is no one else is doing what I'm doing anyway. We shouldn't even have to be on a team.

[Phoebes]

I want to be like the guy in the movie Office Space, and see how long it takes them to realize I'm not going to any meetings or doing anything I don't want to do..with all the micromanaging, probably not long! Man I'd love to be in a position to quit.

I guess I could try to be more solution focused and think about my internal reactions and what to do about them. It had been a long time since this has shown up in my life. I thought I was past this. I'm for sure too old for it. When I shift to remembering they probably have a lot going on, or if they are being exclusionary, that's really more about them, and I will let them come to me from now on..not be so helpful. I'll try to just let this go and focus on myself and my work.

[Phoebes]

A little more procession of this situation..woke up wide awake and thinking about it again. I try the technique of letting my thoughts float on by as if on a cloud..I can think about this more tomorrow after I sleep more. But it doesn't work for stuff like this. I was triggered yesterday and have been a lot.

For one, my "closest" work partner (in the sense we have to collaborate the most), last year, was very minimal with me.llike either didn't answer or said she was busy..very blunt and brief. So this year, to my surprise, she is the one who is considered "Ms, positive"...very chatty and all into everyone's business, teams chats all day, etc... but still if there is private interaction, she is very blunt and minimal. Totally different tone and vibe.

I guess I can see why this is a major trigger for me.

Then the others don't respond or very minimal respond, when there is a constant flow of chit chat amongst themselves...my ideas are either not responded to, or, I get a response such as "we're not doing that." Wow, I've been here many more years than they have at this job and I have never once used that phrase.

I feel like I'm simply being pushed out. First I got shifted out of my long time position and into this place where I don't belong. Then I'm not accepted, not respected..I, not begging for approval. I've been trying and I think it's their turn. I don't know how to fit in with these people, and I am the old one so there's that. Maybe that is mainly it? Ugh I'm getting triggered again.

The thing is, I feel like I am a very conscientious person and my own harshest critic. I've al2ays felt I wasn't valued here, and this all reinforces that feeling. I'm getting older, some health problems popping up, very few relationships or real support, low pay, lots of bills, crazy landlord..I'm just feeling very vulnerable and like I need this job. I've been looking for new jobs for years and have not heard back from any I apply at. I have lots of ideas but difficulty acting on them or following through.

I feel like I am too mentally challenged for this. I thought I had come a long way but I'm really feeling it right now.

[Kizzie]

Oh Phoebes, I'm so sorry.    I should just say that I and many others here have posted about feeling like the odd person out at jobs and that makes it hard to work, the thing we all need to do to put food on the table, pay bills, etc. 

You're not the odd person out here though, you fit perfectly and I think we're really quite amazing community of people.  Given what we've been through it always amazes me just how decent we are and that's more than a lot of non-survivors can say. THis doesn't pay the bills I know but I hope it helps how you feel.