Re-Entering the Workforce and I'm Scared

[Denverite]

I've spent the past 5 years working a remote job. Part of the reason I took it was because the idea of being self-employed was an exciting one. But another aspect was that I was simply falling apart inside due to my undiagnosed C-PTSD. I've made good money; enough to afford therapy, work on mindfulness practices, and really make a study of my condition.

I'm absolutely not the person that I used to be but I still get triggered daily and I'm scared to do this. Yet I also feel that I'm stagnating by spending all of my time indoors in front of the computer. It even works against me, in a way, because I'm not getting the stimulus I need to better manage my condition. Even though I don't like my work it's just too comfortable. I don't get triggered by being a writer but I also can't grow much more without being "in the arena" with people and their craziness.

So I'm joining USPS as a mail carrier in 9 days from today! I got hired and attend training on the 10th of August. I think the job is a great fit since beyond 1-2 hours of office time casing mail in the morning, you have the entire day to yourself on delivery. Headphones in or just walking around in the sun or rain. As long as you get the mail delivered, no boss is harassing you and you aren't dealing with coworker drama. Even so, I'm scared. My mind has so much baggage from the past. But I'm trying to be brave and trust that this time it will work out. This time, I really can have a career that's mentally stimulating, get healthcare benefits, start working on my retirement before I get too much older...

I hope. 

I take solace in knowing that so many of you haven't closed yourselves off to the world. You still show up to work, make that bacon, and have the resilience to keep doing it. Again and again. Good on you all and thanks for inspiring me to do the same! 

[Kizzie]

That sounds like a really good compromise Denverite  You'll also be getting fresh air and exercise which is helpful.  Good luck, I hope it goes well.

[Desert Flower]

Very good Denverite, I think you made a good choice in what you want and need. And I understand you would be scared. I hope it will get a little easier with time.

And

I'm absolutely not the person that I used to be but I still get triggered daily and I'm scared to do this.

Maybe the key to this is accepting that we will get triggered and then dealing with that as best we can and being compassionate with ourselves when we do get triggered (this is theoretical knowledge from me mostly, I only just recently started practicing this myself - I find it hard but I try). Like you say, it gives us a chance to grow. And the environment you chose may just be safe enough for you to do that.

Good luck!

[Denverite]

Thank you for the well wishes, Kizzie and Desert Flower!

Maybe the key to this is accepting that we will get triggered and then dealing with that as best we can and being compassionate with ourselves when we do get triggered (this is theoretical knowledge from me mostly, I only just recently started practicing this myself - I find it hard but I try). Like you say, it gives us a chance to grow. And the environment you chose may just be safe enough for you to do that.

I think you're right, Desert Flower. That's the kind of advice I would have given someone else in my shoes...To accept that it isn't going to be a perfectly smooth ride. But in risking the bumps we can hopefully grow into no longer fearing them as they occur.

I'm glad you're doing the same in your own life. It takes some faith in our capacity, doesn't it? I hope you see results that keep you reaching for more! 

[Desert Flower]

Well, yes, I am seeing some results in another area. That is, I get startled very easily and I used to always get mad at other people for scaring me. But I've noticed that now that I know it's part of this condition, I don't blame myself anymore for being startled and I find that I don't need to get mad at other people for it anymore. It's great!

[AphoticAtramentous]

This is great to hear, Denverite! I've actually thought of being a mail carrier before I got into my current career. There's just something quite calming about the idea of travelling a pre-established and organised route, giving people the parcels they've been longing for, enjoying the fresh air the whole way through. Of course, I anticipate some anxieties - as any work does have its inevitable stresses, but at least, as you say, you're on your own in the field and you don't have to worry about a boss or colleague spotting you having a melt down. :') I am hoping you enjoy the work!

Even though I don't like my work it's just too comfortable. I don't get triggered by being a writer but I also can't grow much more without being "in the arena" with people and their craziness.

I understand this. A healthy balance is very important.  

Regards,
Aphotic.