Difficult Work Experience

[rainydiary]

I mostly need to vent about something that happened at work.  I work in public schools in the US.

At the beginning of each school year, the place I work at has some trainings they call Summer Institute.

This year I was excited by a class they were offering and signed up (and was grateful to escape the boring ones otherwise offered). 

Today I received an email about the class that boiled my blood.  The email said that the class was intended for folks that work with secondary students in grades 6-12 and that those of that work in elementary schools wouldn't be paid for attending that training.

The reason my blood boiled is because before today there was literally no indication that class was meant for that targeted audience. 

The way the person wrote that email made it sound like the many of us elementary folk that signed up were clearly wrong and how could we be so silly. 

Ironically the class is about how to be inclusive of kids with disabilities.  To me this type of interaction is what makes it hard to develop inclusive environments.  Gaslighting people when you made a mistake is so frustrating and demeaning.

I want to speak up but also know it would not be received and it would simply reflect negatively on me.

I would have appreciated if the person had just acknowledged that they made a mistake in titling the course otherwise none of the folks she needed to email would have signed up.

What I also want to say to that person is I am tired of being made to feel like my reality is not happening.

[Blueberry]

I'm sorry rainy! I also don't like when people can't accept they made a mistake, like bad wording in the advertising for the course you signed up for. 

[rainydiary]

Thank you Blueberry.

It's ironic - after I wrote this yesterday, I began reflecting on an email I sent to my boss about the space I have for work. 

I was worried about how some of what I said would come across.  What's worse is she hasn't responded to what I wrote so I have no idea how it was received.

I was reflecting how easy it is to miscommunicate in email.  And also I'm not sure that my email was in the same category as I wasn't trying to pretend that something that happened didn't.

But I still feel heavy about it.

[Cascade]

Hi rainydiary,
I hope you got an okay response from your boss by the end of the week, and aren't feeling so heavy about it.  I agree it's very easy to misunderstand in email.  Also, I'm sorry to hear about what happened with the Summer Institute course.

Having just left the U.S. education sector myself, I can say you're wise in suspecting that speaking up would only reflect poorly on you.  That's what happened to me.  I regret that I was unable to communicate in constructive ways.  The outer critic had the better of me, and I kept lashing out.

In your case, I envision a constructive communication that could come in the form of feedback on an evaluation form.  They always have those, right?  At least it would be in response to a solicitation for feedback rather than out of the blue, if you choose to do something like that.  I definitely learned to keep my feelings out of the story when there is a professional goal at hand.

I hear everything you're feeling, and would feel the same... and have felt the same!  I've been there.  You're not alone.  Here's a hug if that helps.
   -Cascade
   

[AphoticAtramentous]

Sorry that happened, rainydiary. That sounds absolutely infuriating! And how ironic indeed. I hope venting has made things feel a little better.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[Kizzie]

Just my thoughts of course, but I think a calm response of the sort "Respectfully I must point out that there was no indication in the workshop description that it was targeted at Grades 6 to 12 as is obvious by the number of teachers from lower grades who signed up. The fact that we did sign up is indicative of just how important this topic is for our students" might be OK. 

And if you feel brave enough, you might cc your boss/the Principal. It may keep this particular person who sent the email from doing the gaslighting thing again. They often keep on doing things like that when they keep getting away with it. It also lets your boss/Principal know you and others lower grade teachers think it's an important workshop.

Again, just my thoughts.        

[rainydiary]

Kizzie, this is very helpful and exactly the message I wanted to send.  I am working toward staying present enough to offer this kind of a reply.

AphoticAtramentous, I appreciate the support.

Cascade, I appreciate the validation and perspective.  It's so tricky working in schools.  I have a lot of thoughts on my experience but am mostly concerned with the impact our adult stuff has on kids. 

[Blueberry]

Kizzie, this is very helpful and exactly the message I wanted to send.  I am working toward staying present enough to offer this kind of a reply.

Bolded by me. I can really resonate with the bit in bold! Very good words for what I often go through. It's really tough when some minor-seeming sentence or message is not easy at all for us due to cptsd! I'm sitting with you and keeping my fingers crossed that you'll be able to offer that kind of reply. i hope that the tension in my own gut rn is just my own and not a reflection of yours!

[Kizzie]

It is difficult for usd (and for most people really) so if you choose not to say anything that's a healthy response too IMO. We need to be mindful of how certain things might set us off to be sure.