Being Present

[rainydiary]

I'm not sure if I titled this thread well but it was the closest to what I am trying to work toward.

I am curious if anyone can relate or has ways they manage.

I had a few work interactions over the past few weeks that have left me feeling ashamed.

During these interactions I was emotionally dysregulated and shared thoughts and concerns in a way that isn't going to get help or support in the way I need.

What I think happened:

People still feel generally unsafe to me and I tend to expect to be hurt or dismissed. 

Given this mindset, I think I keep myself stuck in a place where I feel like I have no agency or ability to get my needs met or viewpoint heard.

I am realizing that when I walk out the door to go to work, I tend to go into "auto pilot" in order to cope and don't feel prepared almost ever to interact with most people.

I think what I would like to shift is feeling more prepared or confident in interacting with others.

I don't want to give up on myself like it feels like I am doing. 

There are reasons I do that but I am really tired of feeling so much lingering shame for my emotional dysregulation.

I think there are ways to say "I'm not feeling my best right now" in a way that doesn't send the other person into fight or flight too.