Very tiny win

[BrightArrow]

This is a very small win but I want to celebrate it because it came at the end of a really tough week. One of the major things I struggle with is my "fawn" response (btw my therapist hates this word and uses "appeasement" instead—I don't much care which word!) Perhaps many on this board can relate—if anyone anywhere near me or in my sphere of influence is upset about something or has a problem, it's extremely hard for me not to rush in, try to soothe and caretake and make whatever it is my problem as well. Then I can't rest because it's an open loop. I'm hyper vigilant of others' feelings, absorb them like a sponge and become preoccupied with their situation (my brain wants to make it into a crisis). 

This week several super triggering things happened (friend related her marital difficulties and distress about a partner who has trauma similar to mine, and there was a emotional situation at work with a person who might be let go and I was in charge of part of the decision making process). I was having a lot of trouble sleeping multiple days in  a row and would wake up in the middle of the night and not get back to sleep due to ruminating. I recognized what was happening and tried my best not to rush in and try to rescue when there really wasn't any emergency. And I asked for help (usually I think everything is on me).

Yesterday I wrote two colleagues to request their input on the difficult work situation (instead of personally  taking on all the work of "solving" the troubled person's issues).  Later in the day, I was heading home and hadn't heard from them yet and thought "maybe I'll just swing by their offices and see if they are in".  But I stopped in the middle  of the hall, realized it was late and I was hungry, that this wasn't an emergency and that I only wanted to talk to them because I wanted their reassurance and to feel better. I reiterated to myself that this wasn't an emergency and thought that if my goal is to feel better, then taking care of myself by going home and eating a meal is the best way to do it. So I turned around!! And walked to my car!! So yay me for recognizing my need and meeting it in a better way than exhausting myself trying to fix the people around me.

I slept a little better last night (still could use a solid 9 hours) so I'm hoping I'm coming out of this rumination cycle.

[NarcKiddo]

 

Well done. I think it is a big win. In fact, two big wins because you a) asked for help and b) decided to wait for the help you requested because you recognised it was not an emergency and could wait.

[BrightArrow]

Thank you, NarcKiddo! I hadn't thought of it as two wins—even better. 

[Dalloway]

Congratulations BrightArrow, it was very nice to read about your success in taking care of your own needs and listening to your gut feelings. It´s a great feeling indeed. 

[lostwanderer]

I was having a lot of trouble sleeping multiple days in  a row and would wake up in the middle of the night and not get back to sleep due to ruminating.

I relate to this A LOT right now.

Thanks for sharing your wins!  It's inspiring and encouraging.  I hope you get a lot more sleep soon. 

[Kizzie]

I'm hyper vigilant of others' feelings, absorb them like a sponge and become preoccupied with their situation

This has been me most of my life BrightArrow. I've had to work really hard not to make everyone's else's problems and feelings my own and for me anyway that comes from having an NM. In order to be safe I would take care of her feelings and issues which she loved but it left me ruminating about her constantly instead of focusing on my own life.

In the past I've even found it difficult here not to get caught up in members' issues so I limit myself to a few posts daily, mainly to greet newcomers. I found I have to stay clear of the journal section because it's just too easy to get caught up in others' lives and forget about mine.

Anyway, just wanted to say bravo as that was totally a win you posted about.     Good on you, "once you can name it then you can tame it" is the sentiment here I think.

[Chart]

Very happy to hear your successes BrightArrow!
I have very similar traits (and I actually like "fawn", makes me imagine I'm a helpless little deer in the wild forest
It's incredibly cool when we not only understand ourselves better but we start putting what we've learned into action. Bravo!

[Blueberry]

Good to hear about successes, BrightArrow! Two big wins imho

[BrightArrow]

I've had to work really hard not to make everyone's else's problems and feelings my own and for me anyway that comes from having an NM. In order to be safe I would take care of her feelings and issues which she loved but it left me ruminating about her constantly instead of focusing on my own life.

In the past I've even found it difficult here not to get caught up in members' issues...

I so relate to this, Kizzie! Definitely a very ingrained pattern for me and related to caretaking of my mentally ill mother when I was far too young. And it's strange how it can mess with healing spaces too—I really want to be around people who get it, AND I need to take care of myself even more. This is why I find working in groups/support groups so hard.

[BrightArrow]

May we both experience deep rest and peaceful sleep soon, lostwanderer!! My weekend was a nice reprieve but now that the week has started up again, sleep is iffy. 

[BrightArrow]

Thanks, Dalloway, Chart, and blueberry for your comments—-I really appreciate the support!! 

[WeAreAllAPartOfUniverse]

Awesome BrightArrow! 
We've never met but i feel very proud of you! I am in a similar stage at the moment and it is SOOOO cool when we (finally) have the capacity to think in new ways and even better, trying it out!
Applause :-)

[Desert Flower]

I recognized what was happening and tried my best not to rush in and try to rescue when there really wasn't any emergency.

That's great, BrightArrow! It's like my eleven-year-old said the other day: "Mom, it's only a piece of paper next to the bin, it's not life-threatening!" And realising that in the moment AND following up on that, proud of you too!