Feeling unsafe in office

[BrightArrow]

Long story, sorry about that. I'm looking for validation and support that I'm not overreacting, I guess.

TW for space/boundary invasion I guess?

I've worked at the same university for 20 years. I have been given my own private office—a modest room filled with battered, decades-old office furniture and some of my own things (small cheap couch, microwave).  I use the space to prep classes and meet students—I'm an educator.  My name is on the door and it's in a short hallway of faculty offices in a remote corner of the school.

For years I had the icky feeling that someone was using my room when I wasn't there—brought it up with my department and was told it was probably just custodial staff cleaning it.  But it wasn't clean—I'd find trash in the bin that I hadn't put there and the microwave all gross even though I hadn't used it.  Combined with the fact that my bulletin board was often vandalized and this space just being meh, I began to feel less comfortable  spending time there, although I do still need to use it regularly to store all my materials and meet TAs and advisees. I reported the bulletin board stuff to security and for about half a year they had increased patrols in the area. Then they stopped. I would occasionally think about installing my own webcam for security but it looked like that would be illegal, so I didn't.

Last year at this same time, I was meeting a student in my office when  suddenly someone opened the locked door with a key (no warning knock) and started to enter. When they saw the room was occupied, they quickly hid behind the door (I couldn't see them), said whoops I just wanted to empty your trash and fled. In other words they weren't making their way down the hallway of offices, they came straight to mine and then left when they found me there. I reported it to my higher ups along with my observation that people seemed to be using my office through the years, was told that the appropriate departments had been notified that this was unacceptable and that it wouldn't happen again.

Yesterday, I was coming to my office from class to meet with a student (she was behind me and saw the whole thing). When I opened my locked door I found a woman lying on the (tiny) couch looking at her phone. I was dumbfounded and asked what she was doing there—-this was my office not a break room. She jumped up and apologized, said no one told her and then left. I notified my chair and another admin.

Folks, I was livid—-alternating between enraged and scared. Shaky and ruminating all day long. Driving home  I wanted to either burn the entire office down, strip it of any furniture but a table and chair, or quit my job. Clearly I'm triggered. I have had similar reactions when for example an hotel mistakenly issued duplicate keys to my room (ie they double booked it) and a mother and daughter entered the room while I was there alone. They were perfectly nice, it wasn't their fault, an innocent mistake etc etc. But afterward I was shaky and on the edge of a panic attack for about 6 hours.  And yes, I can see these are outsized reactions so the past is bleeding into the present. I have been using all my calming techniques to get through this.

But moving forward, I want to take some middle of the road action. I'm thinking of either asking that the lock be changed and that only me, my department head, and head of facilities have access (instead of it being a space accessible to anyone with a master key). Or alternatively giving the space a makeover so I feel more comfortable there—-removing all things that make it attractive as an unofficial break room (my own couch and microwave) and spending my own money to make it a sparser but nicer and more functional space.

The first option requires me to be assertive and insistent with supervisors (to ask for something totally outside of policy) and the second to spend more of my own money than I should have to. I anticipate pushback from my employer—-technically this is "my" office but I don't think I can actually control who has access. And my spouse is not all that sympathetic of my desire to redo the space ($$). There was some "I hope you can get over this soon" last night that was difficult to hear.

So, I guess I'm trying to figure out if these really are "too much to ask"—-I want to feel safe in my work space and I realize this situation is triggering my own stuff. Relying on others to help doesn't seem to be working (core belief popping up there) and I feel like I want to act (in a measured way) to stop this from happening rather than just working on my feelings.

Thoughts?

[Chart]

BrightArrow, I don't have a specific idea of what you should do. But perhaps the most important thing for us with Cptsd is that we feel safe. Security is absolutely imperative for our well-being in the here and now and our healing progress. If we don't feel safe, we are triggered and this just shuts everything down, we can't function, we are distracted, a big mess.

So I validate your need to feel safe, especially in your office where you work and spend a lot of time. Changing locks is the obvious solution. After that, I would "rearrange" things to your own preference without necessarily spending too much money (if possible). But security is the first priority. You have every right to personal privacy in your office space, which means control over who has access to that space.

Hope that helps.
 

[Desert Flower]

I'll second what Chart said. You may do for yourself what you need to feel safe.

(to ask for something totally outside of policy)

Well, of course policy wouldn't account for anything that happened to you either.

And just the other day, I did the same thing. Asked for a reserved work place while the whole office is supposed to be flexible work places. There wasn't any policy for that either. But then again, there was never any policy to deal with diversity like ours to begin with. Maybe when they get all these 'strange' requests, they'll start to see what's missing in their policies and change it.

[BrightArrow]

Thank you, Chart and DesertFlower! My supervisor forwarded me the email he sent to the relevant departments and I found a policy in the handbook that says no member of the community can enter a private office without express or implied permission of the employee or relevant University official. I will use this to ask for the locks to be changed because tbh, I'm not confident that this problem can be solved by asking people to stop.

I will keep your words about safety in mind—-the basic point is I can't do my job well if I don't feel safe.

[lostwanderer]

Yikes!!  All of that would bother me too and I wouldn't feel safe either.  What you are feeling makes total sense to me BA.  And I'm so sorry that it sounds like your spouse wasn't too validating or supportive of your experience - I can imagine that wouldn't help diffuse the activated feelings.  I'm so glad you found that policy in the handbook about people entering private offices.  That sounds like a promising tool to use to support your ask.  No matter what, this sounds like a difficult situation and it takes a lot of courage to address it.  Supporting you and your desire to feel safe in your own workspace!

[Blueberry]

I third Chart.

BrightArrow, I'd have been terrified and jumpy and triggered of course long since in your shoes.

[BrightArrow]

Thank you for the validation, blueberry and lostwanderer. And thank you so much to everyone on this board for supporting me through this. With your help, I was able to take action.

I am really pleased with myself for reaching out today to another administrator—-a Dean in the school. I was getting stressed thinking about how to advocate for myself: imagining talking to any of the three people nominally in charge of these issues was making me teary and shaky, so I then thought I should write a letter to those people, which made me feel just exhausted and overwhelmed (ugh the time to craft it and cite the regulations, not knowing if it'll be read, etc.) Plus my chair had forwarded me an email chain of my complaint last year and the supervisor of facilities had said in it "why is she only reporting this now?" Which just...ugh. It had the effect of making me want to not say anything else, even though it was written last year and this was a new event.

And then I just had a brainwave that this particular Dean has always been a really good problem solver, he's responsive, and he's the institution's Title IX coordinator as well. So I immediately called him, was able to explain the situation to him calmly and without crying. And he said "you are not the only person experiencing this, it's been a problem elsewhere" which made me feel better and also "I'm on it—give me a day or two to see what's possible and I will get back to you." I immediately felt so much better! It's super hard for me to ask for help but finding the right person to ask makes it feel a whole lot easier.

So even though I don't know what's going to happen, I can soak in the glimmer of someone at the school really caring to help and saying "I'm on it". And I'm soaking in the glimmer of you all and your incredibly helpful words. 

[Desert Flower]

That's great BrightArrow, I'm so happy for you! 

[lostwanderer]

This is amazing!  In your corner.

& I totally relate to when you shared about the feelings of stress and overwhelm thinking of solutions ... you are not alone!

[Chart]

Very happy to hear this is going in the direction you want and need BrightArrow. Well done!
 

[BrightArrow]

Ok final update! I did hear back from the Dean—it only took him two days to get back to me (wow). They are changing the locks on my office and restricting access; the person who entered will not have access (and has admitted entering and will be spoken to by HR). I  requested that it not be cleaned by anyone, which they will honor. If I need to make a housekeeping request I can put one in. There will still be master key access but they will do what they can to notify me of any planned access to my office unless there's a last minute emergency. I am SO pleased and reassured that I was taken seriously and that prompt action was taken and I feel like this will go a long way to making me feel safer at work. Yay us! Thank you for all the help figuring out how to advocate for myself. 

[Chart]

Too cool. I agree this forum helps a lot. BUT... it was YOU that took the steps and made the calls. Well done. Well done well done.
 

[Desert Flower]

 

[Blueberry]

    

[lostwanderer]

YAY!!!! Celebrating you and WITH you!