Being the black sheep 😈🐐

[LeonLaviu]

As a kid I was a "problem boy" always getting in trouble in school, risking bieng expelled, getting into fights, doing mischievous things, like breaking things, destroying property. I even was a little bit of a pyromaniac.

I calmed down when they changed me to another school and since I didn't know anyone, my wild ways got me isolated from the group. It was so traumatic that I changed completely and became very tame. And got to the other pole of the spectrum, accepting mistreatment and even bullying from others in order to still be part of the group.

But I wonder. What's the actual process of becoming a black sheep or an "evil" kid that likes to destroy?

As a kid I didn't did this only in school, also in my grandma's house that had a big garden were me and my cousins (lead by me since I was the older) liked to break things, it was mostly debris so it wasn't really a trouble. But sometimes we threw rocks to lamps, as a competition of who would break it. Or set wooden boards on fire. wich was more serious

As an adult you could say it was a way to call for attention, or to express anger, or just a result of being physically abused. But as a kid I don't really thought about it like that. I just loved to break things, it gave me a sense of adventure and made me feel alive, maybe independent. I don't really know. But I loved bonding with my cousin through destruction, to me we were just playing.

So I guess my question is, why does it happen? I mean if you get violence at home, shouldn't you hate violence? If you see that getting into this type of behavior gets you in trouble, which translates into more shaming, more violence, more mistreatment, Why would anyone lean more into it???

Is like thinking: "So you think I'm a bad kid? Then I'll give you the baddest kid you'll seen!"

But why? it's counterintuitive

[Kizzie]

It actually makes sense to me. It's a way of getting noticed and then maybe an adult will look into why you behaved as you did and that may mean getting help.

What's counterintuitive is when an abused child is quiet, responsible and gets good grades.  Who will ever realize this may be a sign of abuse? Yes it may mean less abuse at home but not letting it be known at school means no help.

Educators know more about children who act out nowadays, but the quiet ones not so much.     

[Desert Flower]

It makes sense to me too, in a different way though.

When I was a young adult, I used to dress 'alternatively' to express I felt I didn't belong and - in retrospect I think - to prevent being rejected because of who I was. Instead, I gave people the 'opportunity' to reject me for the way I looked, which was safer.

[Dalloway]

I think children have two options in families where they are not accepted/appreciated for just who they are. They can become the good, always compliant, perfect kid (my case), thinking and hoping they will be loved if they become perfect or non-problematic. And then some children who get "negative" attention for being the way they are can develop this attitude that you also described

Is like thinking: "So you think I'm a bad kid? Then I'll give you the baddest kid you'll seen!"

So in my opinion, it´s about the attention that all children need to their healthy development, but which -- unfortunately -- don´t all children get, so they have to gain it or cope with the absence of it in various ways.