“Training” at work on PA

[Kizzie]

Anyway, sorry to rant while triggered. If someone is a "spanker" snooping around on here, you need to know that any form of striking is interpreted by a young child as life long shame that will be very hard to reverse before long being in no contact with you. Choose wisely.

I just wanted to bring this quote down in the thread because it's really important for those reading to understand that physical abuse is any striking but it can also be pinching, shoving, even tickling to a point where the person can't breath, etc. It doesn't have to leave a mark, it's the shame and fear and all those associated feelings of being under someone else's control that make it abusive.

We so need to get by the thinking that there is big and small T trauma and that only big T trauma is abusive.

[Mathilde]

I agree. I have also noticed, as Phoebes and you say, that less obvious physical abuse can be used to create an atmosphere of control and compliance. On purpose in a way that the abuser can get away with it, because there's no damage. Phoebes, I am really sorry you were treated like that...and it had such effects on your further functioning.   

[Phoebes]

Thanks, Mathilda, and it looks like a post I made after your last one isn't on here..? I was just supporting you in your difficult situation.

You're so right, Kizzie..a huge part of the physical abuse is the psychological abuse that goes with it. I realized recently through a thread on here that my grandpa, who was SA with me (not R, but touching in private, saying sexual things), would, after I reported him to my parents and of course nothing happened, but he knew...he would come into the room I was sleeping in at very early hours and wake me up by tickling me and saying what are you gonna do, sleep all day? He would be sitting on the bed next to me and tickling me, my chest and up and down my torso and legs. When I said to stop and that i don't like being tickled he just kept right on, all the time.. I never realized that was abusive, but I knew I didn't like it. I was just always taught that adults get to do what they want and I don't have a say. That included PA of all kinds as well.

It was sick. Man. I WANT one of those a-holes to approach me and hit me now because I want to press charges. If I could press charges and prove what they did I would. The worst part about it is having been gaslit and basically ousted from my family. Despite all the abuse I was full of love for these people and only wanted to please them and "earn" their love.

[Mathilde]

I didn't read it, but thanks.

That sounds awful what your grandpa did. The tickling just as the rest of the abuse. That is a very sick way of abusing you. It is terrifying you on purpose. And yet they can always feign innocence. I'm sorry you also were gaslit like this. You were the loving one of the bunch. Do not forget that.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Thanks for mention tickling as being potentially abusive. I never really thought about it, but it did actually hurt, and they wouldn't stop when I asked them to. I honestly just never tickle anyone, because I know how awful it feels - not just the act itself, but the inability to move, speak, or fight back - because of that involuntary body response. People think it's funny because people laugh in response, but it's absolutely NOT funny! It hurts!

This inspired me to do some quick searching and apparently tickling has literally been used as a torture method.
Trigger Warning: torture - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tickling#As_physical_abuse

I feel really validated from this, thank you.

Regards,
Aphotic.