To my life giver

[DrPhipps]

You do not deserve anything you have. I do not believe in heaven or * but I do wish your soul goes to a very special place where you will suffer indefinitely.

Your years of lies, manipulation, mental, and physical abuse have left me a shell of the person I had the potential to be.

I live in constant fear. I live with constant guilt. I live with doubt and sometimes I almost think I did something that makes this fair at the end of the day.

I can't hold a job. I have no creativity. I'm numb. I can't remember what happened 30 seconds ago, but I can recall with great detail things you did to me 40 years ago.

I cut you out of my life 15 years ago and you still impact every moment, every breath. You shadow me like a demonic presence in a bad horror movie.

You are an evil person and every professional I have worked with is absolutely shocked at the things you put me through. You went on day by day pretending you were helping me when there was nothing wrong to beging with.

I lived most of my adult life never knowing I was broken. I made decisions based on your lies. Why did you tell my father died in 1992, he's still alive. Why did you tell me my grandfather died of complications from alcohol, it was Parkinson's.

Why was I never allowed to make any noise, hum, whistle, sing? Why could I never pursue any interest such as music? Our family tree is full of semi-famous musicians and singers.

Why couldn't I tinker and build, explore my creativity? Our family tree is also full of engineers. My own son is an aerospace engineer and worked on one of the most revolutionary projects of the century.

Here I am, master of none. Itching to learn with no aptitude because my brain lacks the connections required for higher learning. I will never be able to relax, concentrate, or truly enjoy anything.

You deny everything and this is just a taste but it is more than enough to make anyone cry. You have no emotion so enjoy your wine, brown rice and rabbit meat you heartless, pathetic excuse of a human being.

When you do die, I will not cheer, I will not cry. I will feel nothing. The damage is done and it will follow me until I too pass. Congratulations, it's a neurodivergent boy.