New member

[Nightingale]

Hello everyone,

I am a person that has been abandoned/let down by other people over and over again, people that were suposed to protect me or that were some kind of authority that I was trying to get some kind of protection/support from. I have serious trust issues regarding where and who can help me and if they will not cause me more harm than good.
I am continuing to push myself beyond what I feel comfortable with, because I don't see I have a choice, either I push farward and try to find little bits of hope and happiness or what is there left for me? I just don't feel I even have a choice to give up.

I have been abused in all the ways possible by my mother. We lived in a small apartment with my father who had schizophrenia, he is not alive anymore. There was no privacy, noone to turn to for support and nowehre to hide. I was abused troughout my life by my peers or other adults,in some cases because I didn't learn to choose healthy people for myself, some just because I had no choice and I was not protected by anyone.

I can see other people find me weird even though I tried to be as normal as I could and what is socially acceptable. Whenever I tried being myself I was ridiculed or people got angry that I was trying to advocate something for myself. Because I live in a country that still has a huge stigma on trauma and sees people with trauma as a burden to society, being understood or getting help is hard. Because of this I turned to finding any resources or support I can find online. With people and communities it didn't always work out well, but I am glad that I can at least find books and information online that I can help myself with.

For now this is some basic information about me, hope it gives some insight.

[Dalloway]

Welcome to the forum, Nightingale. I´m sorry for the abuse you´ve been through and that you feel abandoned. People with CPTSD often find it really difficult to trust anyone  -- for understandable reasons. I hope you´ll find this place safe enough to feel supported and loved. People in my country are also not very informed about trauma, lots of them take it as only weakness or lack of willpower, so I understand that stigma that you mentioned. That´s why I appreciate this forum, because it´s full of people who really get me and can relate to my struggles.
I wish you the best finding your voice or just being present here. 

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome. I am sorry you live in a country where there is little/no help with trauma and am glad you found your way here, at least.

[Chart]

Welcome to the Forum, Nightingale. Sorry to hear about your struggles. I agree with Dalloway, it's normal to have trust issues. It would be abnormal not to. Cptsd is only just getting started. Most countries around the world are ignorant of this condition (and certainly of it's prevalence). But here on the Forum you'll find people who completely understand. Glad you're here with us.
 

[Lakelynn]

Welcome nightingale 

I feel strength from your post because despite your experiences, you have not given up. Keep trusting yourself and your ability to get what you need, where you feel safe to do so. I hope this is a place that helps.