Keep failing in creating my own community/family

[blueteddy]

I've been on a journey to create my own family and find new friends, but it feels like I keep hitting wall after wall. My past friendships have fizzled out, leaving me feeling isolated, alone, and lonely every day. Recently, I've been trying to connect with new people on platforms like community app, community website, and voice call rooms website, but it seems that understanding and genuine connection are hard to come by.

I shared my need for asylum with a potential friend on one of community website, and they questioned whether it was an "extreme" option, which hurt me deeply. I realize that unless someone has experienced severe prolonged period of trauma, they often cannot understand the depth of pain that leads to such drastic measures. It's frustrating and exhausting to keep explaining myself, especially when I feel like I'm talking to people who have never faced the kind of abuse I have.

On website like Free4Talk, I desperately seek immediate connections, but it often leads to encounters with harmful and abusive individuals who have bullied and traumatized me since February. This website provide voice call rooms with stangers and i seek that because typing is painful for me due to my untreated arthritis and other chronic illnesses. I just want to have someone to talk to, someone I can trust, who will be there for me and offer support like a family.

It's overwhelming, and I often feel like giving up. I feel like I'm failing in my quest for connection, and the weight of loneliness is becoming unbearable. No one seems to truly understand my struggles, and I don't know how much longer I can keep trying.

I just want to have someone safe to talk to who understand and care about me and give me the same effort and want to make my days better. I have been having phone calls with my good friend frequently after my break up with my former partner and now i seek new connection because often talking with this good friend i am the one who mostly make conversation and ask them questions which burnt me out.

I really wish i can connect more with people here as people here seems to understand the depth of my pain and my need for escaping this * and seek asylum, and won't invalidate me and my needs. But it is really hard to access and navigate this website through my cheap broken lagging phone like it took me so long just to open the website, post stuff and everything. I really want to make more posts and share my art too but i still can't find how to upload picture under one of my posts @_@
And even on my laptop it is quite difficult to navigate this website too bcs its lagging and have big memory and my laptop is broken and so bad specification and the internal memory is only 32 GB just like a phone. I wish this website has an easier more effective UI/UX especially on mobile and have less heavy memory but i don't want to complain or make demands because i know i am just nobody so yeah :"")

[TxiaHoria55]

Hi blueteddy,

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I also find difficult establishing trusting relationships with people, even though it's what I want and need the most.
Someone reply to me once on this group when I posted about desiring a romantic relationship that maybe I was pressuring myself to much. Maybe that's your case? Deep connections are not instantaneous, they take time. It's not an easy journey, sometimes you end up finding people that just make you feel worse.
Maybe think of it like baby steps? You need to make small steps as a baby before learning how to run.Say hi to someone. Talk about the weather, about your day. Things that you both may like. And little by little see if you two are a good friendship match. It's easier said than done, but it's worth trying.
I don't want you to give up though. I think that you deserve being cared and protected by people who love you.
I hope that you find in this forum some of that comfort that you need.