starting over

[Desert Flower]

Thinking of you and your daughter San, wishing you well with the procedure today. 

[Phoebes]

Thinking of you and your D San. It was sweet of you to make your friends some festive Chex mix! Yum! 

[sanmagic7]

DF, thank you so for your care.

phoebes, thank you.  very sweet of you to say so.

the procedure was worse than she expected, and both of us are wrung out now.  we stuffed our faces w/ take-out afterwards.  plus she's in pain from this biopsy, so she's got that to deal w/.  i told her i would've done it all for her if i could've.  i'm just a wreck from having her go thru this.  i can't even imagine what she's like.

i know they're being careful and thorough, but, dang!

[Desert Flower]

Aarght that's rough San. I'm sorry it was such a terrible ordeal. Forget about the take out and have some chocolate too. I do hope you both feel a little better soon. Wishing you all the best

[Armee]

for and your D.

This is such a tough ordeal. I am so sorry they have to put her through so much before even starting treatment.

She is lucky to have you there with her as hard as it is to see her go through it. 

Sending you lots of healing supportive mom energy to help carry you through this, for both you and D. 

How's your friend managing her assignment?

[sanmagic7]

thank you, armee, for all your kindness and caring.  so appreciated.

i'm looking forward to not really doing anything for christmas.  today my D has a surgical consult, where she'll probably find out the date for surgery.  and the beat goes on . . .

[Chart]

Hey San! Finally catching up, sorry I've been gone for awhile. Sounds like you've had your hands full too. Ouf, it just keeps piling on eh? I hope you have a nice calm Christmas. Sending love and support to you and your daughter.
Merry Christmas!
 

[sanmagic7]

thanks, chart, and back atcha!

yesterday was the surgical consult.  still no surgery date, but my D has other medical appts. in jan. and she wants to get those out of the way first, so she has a clear calendar going forward after the surgery, less stress to worry about.  it struck her after the consult that she really does have cancer, and it was a terrible blow, that realization.  i was in tears hearing that.  this is too much.

christmas eve will be quiet for me, and i'm glad.  she's going to a get together tonite, so i'll be watching my guilty pleasure show (MAFS) and wrapping gifts and just not being around others. 

[Chart]

and just not being around others

[Desert Flower]

I'm feeling for you and your D San. It is a terrible thing to have to realise.

And I do like to not be around others myself (although my situation is different atm). Sending you hugs from afar.

 

[sanmagic7]

thanks, chart!  i needed a little grin myself, and you provided it.

thank you DF, i'll take those hugs, near or far!

just finished shedding some tears for my D1, and her absence from my life.  i miss her - not all of her, not the abuse part, but the funny, warm part that was there every so often.  still, not enough to ever want that back in my life.  so, accepting that she's gone and i can't have her back.  she's gone.

[Armee]

 

With you in this grief, San. I'm sorry that things are this way with D1. It is appropriate to grieve the parts you miss.

[sanmagic7]

thanks for the validation, armee.  much appreciated. 

D and i shed tears yesterday around her upcoming surgery.  i just now thought about getting mad that this is happening to her.  hmmm . . . i got mad at a friend of hers instead, who is basically screwing her over for new year's.  she's going to go out on her own, tho, get a motel room there and just enjoy!  i'm glad for her that she's able to do that.  i know she'll have a good time.

so, that's my plan for new year's - i will sit home, eat cream cheese and salsa w/ chips, and bring in the new year alone - that's not any different than most new years for the past 20 yrs. or so.  when i lived w/ her, she didn't stay up that late, except for maybe once or twice, and same when i was in mexico.  i always knew i wouldn't sleep thru the fireworks going off, and my hub was able to do that, so i just brought in the new year on my own.  rather fitting for me, i guess.

i can feel the stress and tension running amok thru my body.  i feel full with it, and it doesn't feel good.

[Desert Flower]

It's good to grieve San and it's hard too.
And it's also good to be able to shed tears together. To have that connection.
And I'm sorry you're stressed out as well, it's a rotten feeling. Hang in there.
And I would like to say your plans for new years sound absolutely fine to me.
Big hugs
 

[sanmagic7]

thank you, DF.  your validation and care are so appreciated.

the stress levels here in our home are thru the roof.  no cigs, tho.  unfortunately, or fortunately, i'm thinking that a lot of my intestinal problems have been due to cigarettes.  seems that, at least since thanksgiving when i had the bug, things have settled down in that situation.  i thought it was just a reset cuz that nite was so violent in the bathroom.  like my guts cleaned themselves out and are starting over.

one more reason not to smoke.  i hate that.