The physical abuse is starting again...

[blueteddy]

The abuse only got worse and worse every single day. My family has completely cooperated and ganged up to abuse me, isolate me, make me crazy, stripped of all my rights, came up with such nasty vile conspiracy theory about me, take and take from me with nothing left. I have far less rights as the days go by. My abusive little sister, especially has started to completely directly abused me everyday along with my abusive mother and abusive third brother (they are my main abusers at the moment, my second brother or the one i refer as narcissist sociopath brother mostly leave me alone and did not abuse me directly as long as i avoid him and have least interaction with me, he is mostly selfish and stole my stuff and asked me for money and food at the moment). My abusive little sister recently started to physically hit my body to the point i almost fell to the ground. She has started to pushed all my buttons every single day, just like my abusive mother and my abusive third brother. She intimidated me and insisted on me to do house chores and helping and spoiling my mother despite being me chronically ill and whenever we travel together to family events, she will throw all her frustrations and anger at me, humiliate, gaslighted, and mocked me in front of everyone. She and my third brother especially gaslighted, guilt tripped, and mocked me every single day. Along with stealing and claiming my stuff as hers. She has always been abusive to me as long as i can remember. My sisters have always had unreasonable pure hatred toward me for as long as i can remember. Ever since i was a teen, i was often forced to be put in a situation where i had to take care of the whole family and house chores when my abusive mother would be away abandoning us for days, weeks, months. And my little sister never want to share house chores at the time with me so i have to do everything on my own despite being chronically ill ever since that age. She likes to humiliate and mock and bully me in front of everyone just like my older sister. Now that my older sister has lived in a different home with her own family for 2 years, whenever she came for a visit, she repeat the same extreme abuse she did towards me when i was a kid including slavery and forced me to be her son's babysitter and tutor for a whole day or two with no rest to the point i fell sick whenever she came for a visit.

Today, it got worse. I ordered a lot of dim sum because it's one of the few things I can actually eat with my sore throat and severe reflux. When I didn't give any to her, she got furious. She tried to kick my leg, not very hard, but it was still hurtful and humiliating. She yelled at me, saying she bought me food yesterday. But I told her, no, she didn't buy it for me—she did it because mom told her to. Despite that, she continued scolding me.

Then, she handed me a package I ordered, except she didn't hand it to me—she threw it at my feet. The package was really heavy, and it hit my legs hard. Now my legs are in pain and numb from the impact. It's not just the physical pain that hurts—it's the disrespect and humiliation that she showed me. The way she treats me like this is beyond cruel.

I don't know how to handle all of this. I feel so small, so worthless, and trapped in this situation. I hate being here. I hate all of them for treating me so badly. I don't deserve this abuse, and I don't know how to create emotional space for myself. I feel suffocated, and I don't know what to do. Everything feels like too much right now.

I'm dealing with the reality of how selfish and cruel my family is, especially my little sister. While I've been barely able to eat once a day due to my sore throat and flu, she's eating three full meals plus fried snacks without any issue. I'm the one who's sick and struggling, but somehow, they're all still mocking me, guilt-tripping me, and scolding me like I'm the problem. My mom continues to make fried and spicy foods, which I can't eat because of my throat, and there's plenty of food in the house, but not a bit that I can actually eat. The way they act, especially my little sister, is unbelievable. She acts like she's the one being neglected, when she's eating just fine. The whole thing just feels unfair, cruel, and humiliating.

[Chart]

Blueteddy, I have read your story and I am so very sad for you. Please try to teach out to somebody outside of your family for help. A doctor? Anyone. Please try to get yourself to a safe place. You do not deserve this treatment.

[blueteddy]

Blueteddy, I have read your story and I am so very sad for you. Please try to teach out to somebody outside of your family for help. A doctor? Anyone. Please try to get yourself to a safe place. You do not deserve this treatment.

There is no one in Indonesia i know that can help me...
My "friend" group has betrayed me and abandoned me ever since i came out to them about my LGBT identity, my abuse stories and asked help from them to help with my asylum case.

I am left with no one in Indonesia except an old friend from highschool time that is no longer close with me anymore.

Have tried to ask help from doctors and anyone else possible in Indonesia and no one willing to help. Which is why i am seeking asylum but dont have money to flee to other country and been actively seeking help from many international organizations to help..