Hello my name is Kevin

kt3594 · November 03, 2024, 06:36:26 PM

Hi everyone, my name is Kevin and I suffer from CPTSD. I just started a new job and I am so nervous I will fail. Does anyone else struggle with fear of failure?

Chart · November 03, 2024, 07:39:35 PM

Hi Kevin, I struggle with Fear of many many things, failure being one of them. I'm 55 and my brain still does not work correctly, mainly due to early developmental trauma (pre-natal). I spend much of my day in guilt at the lousy job (I think) I'm doing, and in the evening and weekends, I often just want to lie in bed and dissociate.

So now we have to recognize what is truly "us" and what is CPTSD. Our fear is not us, it is our trauma.

Welcome to the Forum and good luck tomorrow at your new job. I will be thinking about you and hoping your feeling okay.
-chart

MountainGirl · November 03, 2024, 10:09:07 PM

Hi Kevin - In short Yes, for most of my life, but I also have learned (slowly, I learn slowly!) that it is usually , for me, groundless. But wading through the fear to get the other side where it's clear I have nothing to be afraid of, can be an ordeal. But this has improved, for me, with therapy and understanding that my thinking can be distorted at times. Recognizing my distorted thinking and looking at alternative viewpoints has been very helpful for me. Wishing you the best in your new venture.

Papa Coco · November 04, 2024, 03:12:41 PM

Hi Kevin,

Welcome to the Forum.

Yes, I know the anxiety of starting a new job. To some degree it's a good sign. Anxiety's purpose is to help us succeed. Whenever I've started something new and wasn't nervous about it, the odds of it failing went up. People who don't feal fear are called reckless, or they just don't care about how they're perceived. Heaven help the employer who hires someone that isn't worried about doing a good job.

But that's healthy fear. What drove many of us to join this forum and look for therapy and medication and self-help books is a problem with unhealthy fear. Our fear of failing is far more intense than for someone who had a healthy, happy, loving childhood from start to finish.

Another member once told me to remember that on a scale from 1-10, those of us with CPTSD live at a baseline fear level of about 4-6 on a good day. So when we need to start a new job, or go on an interview, or give a public toast or speech, we don't go up from 0, we go up from 4-6. So fear becomes a bigger problem for us. We're piling fear on top of fear.

The final thought I have on fear is: It requires courage to move forward despite the fear. Courage is not the absence of fear, it's the determination to move forward through the fear. There's a LOT of courage on this forum, and I think it was a smart move for you to ask this question here, because the people here deal with fear all day long and can be of great encouragement to each other. (WOAH! Maybe that's an origin to the word enCOURAGEment. We build up each other's courage to handle both the rational and the trauma-induced fears of life).

Good luck on the new job. I'm sure they'll know the first-day jitters enough to cut you some slack if you are nervous.

Kizzie · November 04, 2024, 04:40:17 PM

Hi Kevin and a warm welcome to OOTS.

You can probably tell from the responses you've already gotten that we are a supportive, helpful and caring community. Fear of failing is very common with us (survivors) so you are definitely not alone in that. We're typically quite hard on ourselves and think that we are failures but we're really not. We're just humans who succeed and fail at things in life and have to work at having compassion for ourselves. People fail but it does not mean they are failures.

All that said, I do hope it goes well!

AphoticAtramentous · November 05, 2024, 07:25:39 AM

Welcome to the forum, Kevin. Glad you found us, just wish it was on better circumstances. Let us know if you have any questions, or just feel free to vent in the other sections of the forum if you need to.
I have a fear of failure too, you are definitely not alone there.

Regards,
Aphotic.

Larry · November 05, 2024, 01:17:07 PM

welcome Kevin, congratulations on the new job! it's not easy, but I like to look at it as if we try and do not succeed , we didn't fail, we only fail if we didnt try. I am an aries, and i go after things, and I do not always succeed. might not make sense, but at leaast you are out there going after the things you want.

Chart · November 05, 2024, 07:31:44 PM

HealthyHeart · November 05, 2024, 09:32:59 PM

Yes! I can't trust my feelings but take the time to think about my successes.

kt3594 · November 10, 2024, 01:22:49 AM

Wow - ok that makes a lot of sense. That is definitely something I find rather hard is separating myself from the trauma/CPTSD symptoms. I have honestly gotten myself to the point where it's all I think about and all I talk about. My circle is pretty small these days as it's only really my brother, mom, and grandpa. Mom and grandpa have trauma of their own so they're not always the healthiest supports honestly. Really happy to be here and thanks very much for the well wishes!!

Quote from: Chart on November 03, 2024, 07:39:35 PMHi Kevin, I struggle with Fear of many many things, failure being one of them. I'm 55 and my brain still does not work correctly, mainly due to early developmental trauma (pre-natal). I spend much of my day in guilt at the lousy job (I think) I'm doing, and in the evening and weekends, I often just want to lie in bed and dissociate.

So now we have to recognize what is truly "us" and what is CPTSD. Our fear is not us, it is our trauma.

Welcome to the Forum and good luck tomorrow at your new job. I will be thinking about you and hoping your feeling okay.
-chart

kt3594 · November 10, 2024, 01:27:27 AM

As you should!! That is something I can definitely identify with. People have told me I am very smart and have had many successes. My inner critic is so harsh that I minimize them and focus in on the failures....

Quote from: HealthyHeart on November 05, 2024, 09:32:59 PMYes! I can't trust my feelings but take the time to think about my successes.

kt3594 · November 10, 2024, 01:32:11 AM

Thank you!! and yes, I promised myself I will at least try. It's a finance/accounting job, so sometimes I have to work extra hard just to feel like I am keeping up. My brain seems to forget things very quickly. Then I shame myself further for feeling like I am lost in the role. Pisces here!

Quote from: Larry on November 05, 2024, 01:17:07 PMwelcome Kevin, congratulations on the new job! it's not easy, but I like to look at it as if we try and do not succeed , we didn't fail, we only fail if we didnt try. I am an aries, and i go after things, and I do not always succeed. might not make sense, but at leaast you are out there going after the things you want.

kt3594 · November 10, 2024, 01:37:02 AM

I hear that! my thinking is very distorted! I think that sometimes I find comfort in the pain because then I don't have to take responsibility for change.... thats just me being brutally honest.. I have tried therapy many times - I think it's time I start trying to put the tools into action. Thank you for the well wishes!! Hope you are well!

Quote from: MountainGirl on November 03, 2024, 10:09:07 PMHi Kevin - In short Yes, for most of my life, but I also have learned (slowly, I learn slowly!) that it is usually , for me, groundless. But wading through the fear to get the other side where it's clear I have nothing to be afraid of, can be an ordeal. But this has improved, for me, with therapy and understanding that my thinking can be distorted at times. Recognizing my distorted thinking and looking at alternative viewpoints has been very helpful for me. Wishing you the best in your new venture.

cmsmitty · November 10, 2024, 06:43:08 PM

Hi Kevin! Fellow pisces and CPTSD survivor here

I totally understand the fear of starting a new job. I started a new job in June, my first full time job post grad too. I was sooo scared! Looking back, I am like what the heck was I so scared about? I love the job, my boss is amazing, and I feel super safe. I never even thought about any of those things really being possible when I got the job, all I thought about was how terrible it could be or how I would get fired, etc. It is easy to spiral into the negative thoughts. Sometimes I still have those thoughts about my job now. I wrote down a list of affirmations to read to myself that I keep in my desk drawer at work. Combatting the fear/anxious thought spiral at the start of the day with affirmations has really helped me. I also downloaded an app called I am that has daily affirmations that I would recommend if you are interested!

kt3594 · November 15, 2024, 10:28:01 PM

That is great - congrats on the first job! This is actually my third role post-grad! And the I am app is amazing!

I should use it more because I think affirmations can be very powerful. I also think there is a lot of truth to the "fake it til you make it" concept. Except without trying to act like somebody I am not. As a CPTSD survivor, I've spent my whole life trying to act like what I thought people would want and that's not being authentic in the world.

Thanks for your response and all the best in your job and in life!

-Kevin

Quote from: cmsmitty on November 10, 2024, 06:43:08 PMHi Kevin! Fellow pisces and CPTSD survivor here I totally understand the fear of starting a new job. I started a new job in June, my first full time job post grad too. I was sooo scared! Looking back, I am like what the heck was I so scared about? I love the job, my boss is amazing, and I feel super safe. I never even thought about any of those things really being possible when I got the job, all I thought about was how terrible it could be or how I would get fired, etc. It is easy to spiral into the negative thoughts. Sometimes I still have those thoughts about my job now. I wrote down a list of affirmations to read to myself that I keep in my desk drawer at work. Combatting the fear/anxious thought spiral at the start of the day with affirmations has really helped me. I also downloaded an app called I am that has daily affirmations that I would recommend if you are interested!