Post-Traumatic Growth Journal

[rainydiary]

Best wishes what saying what you want/need to say and having it understood and received.

[SenseOrgan]

Armee
Thank you for the reassurance. It did help and yes, you make perfect sense. A big part of my trauma is not being heard. When, in my experience, a lot depends on me being able to communicate something, stress levels go up. This off course makes it more difficult to think. It's a new experience for me to communicate this and get feedback about it from someone who understands. It was great to see your reply pop up here before I had the consultation. It disrupted my normal way of going at it and stewing in anxiety all alone. I have an internal script running that tells me I need to be able to convey my message in a crystal clear way and otherwise there will be doom of some sorts. This T specializes in cPTSD type of issues, so the chance of her drawing dramatic conclusions if I'd have trouble speaking were very slim to begin with.

rainydiary
Thank you. I'm not used to getting support like this. It's wonderful!

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I just finished the first online consultation. It went well. My nerves were all over the place. Video calls are anxiety catalysts for me regardless of the topic or person. I had done a brainstorm the day before, and wrote down the things I wanted to get across. It gave me some peace of mind. I think I managed to verbalize the main points and the complexity of my history. There was nothing structured about it, but I calmed down a bit and could remember some things further into the conversation. I'm glad I prepared the way I did. The clarity prevented overwhelm and shutting down. I remained present during the conversation.

I have a good feeling about the T. Having so much negative experience with the top down, bureaucratic approach in my country, it's almost shocking how laid back and flexible this T is. Sessions with medical ketamine/cannabis will not be a problem to arrange. It looks like we'll have an in person session in the near future. The next online one will be next week. I'm still processing that this is actually happening. It's really good news! I'm so grateful for this opportunity.

[Chart]

Good news. Over two years ago I discovered PSIP.

SenseOrgan, Can you give some more info what PSIP is? I've never heard this acronym. Thanks and very happy it went well!!!

UPDATE
Ok, just found your thread on the subject:
https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16432.0

[SenseOrgan]

Chart
What's not so much stressed in a lot of PSIP material is the transference part of the modality. This is what strikes me as a very important aspect of the therapy for people with developmental trauma. Here is more on that if you're interested: https://www.psychedelicsomatic.org/post/what-is-the-difference-between-the-sitter-model-and-psychedelic-somatic-interactional-psychotherapy

Update
The article may be unnecessary confusing if you're not familiar with the sitter model as used with, for instance, the MAPS MDMA trials. I have trimmed those parts off and posted the adapted version below the link you already found.

[Armee]

Thank you so much for posting this

[SenseOrgan]

Armee
 

[Sanctuary]

I'd not heard of PSIP and have just read a little from your link.

Having read some of your posts since you joined OOTS and having had from them some sense of how difficult things have been for you for so long, it makes me feel incredibly happy to hear that after two years of waiting and hoping, you've not only found a cPTSD specialist PSIP therapist but also things have moved forward so quickly and smoothly that you've been able to see them already!

I'm really glad it went well and that you've got more lined up. Each time it's popped into my mind over the last couple of days, it's made me smile.

[Armee]

 

I think mdma is going to need to be my next step. I'm so stuck.

[SenseOrgan]

Sanctuary
You're so kind, thank you  This is such a great opportunity. Just finding something I can still see as potentially helpful has become a big deal in itself. No matter the outcome, it's really nice to feel motivated and to get things going again. I've been looking for ways to connect in such a way with a safe other for six years. The current paradigm in my country has made that an impossible search. It's not been easy to know and feel where I need and want to go and not being able to find or create the circumstances for it.

Armee
Is that available to you where you're at? I have no experience with MDMA myself, but I can share that drinking ayahuasca as a last resort has saved my life. There's lots I could add, but it sure did knock me out of a very deep and dark groove I hadn't been able to get out of with all the things I tried the 21 years prior to that. If you proceed with MDMA, I'd be very interested to hear about it.

[Armee]

It's not legal here unfortunately.

It is accessible though.

Someone on here I am forgetting their forum name documented a few rounds with mdma that was really helpful to read. I'm guessing a forum search of mdma will get you there. 

[Chart]

See @Denverite and @PapaCoco for more info about MDMA in the US. There's also a very detailed and moving description by... @Dina describing her MDMA experience and I'm pretty sure she did this work in Holland.
https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=15993.msg142039#msg142039

[SenseOrgan]

TW/Spirituality

For me, this is not about death. It is about life.

[SenseOrgan]

Armee
I'm watching a talk by Saj Razvi (PSIP pioneer) and stumbled on something that might be intersting to you with regards to MDMA treatment and a potential legal workaround with oxytocin. Two hours and 4 min in, he talks about this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N20vPGFCg7M

Chart
Thank you. Is the link referring to @Dina's experiences? It's not working here... I can't find that with a search.

[Chart]

Here is the title and emplacement on the Forum:

Dina's private journey, Started by Dina, April 29, 2024, 03:42:22 PM

Out of the Storm -> Private Groups -> Member Journals -> Dina's private journey

[Chart]

this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N20vPGFCg7M

Very interesting!!! thank you, SenseOrgan!!!