I’m not sure how this works

[Azul]

Hello.
I'm new here and am not sure how the platform works. I'm sorry if I'm not introducing myself in the desired way. "Start a new topic" was the only way I found to post.

My username is Azul ("blue" in Spanish.)

I have been struggling with trauma response symptoms/functioning since childhood, though I did not know that's what was happening until recently. I'm in my 40's, so that's a long time and a lot if life without knowing what was wrong.

I have sought therapy but I struggle to afford the good/effective kind. I'm still searching for affordable therapy that will actually help me. In the meantime, I keep looking for peer support because I believe that helps people with complex trauma response too.

[Papa Coco]

Azul

Welcome to the forum. You are using the platform perfectly right now. Your new post came up right where it should. I'm sorry to hear of your struggles, but glad you found the forum.

I want to quickly address your comments about how you are just starting to find treatments and are struggling to afford them. Treatments for CPTSD are just coming online now. It's kind of a free-for-all as different treatments come in and go out. How do we navigate such a disorganized front of varied treatments, different practitioners, different costs, different insurance situations, etc, etc, etc.?

I've been struggling with a long list of problems, including depression and anxiety and dissociation and night terrors and recurring nightmares, etc., all my life too. I'm 64 now. I've been in various treatments ever since 1981. Most of the treatments that work are new. Nothing they did in the 1980s-2010 helped any trauma disorders at all. The help for Trauma disorders is just now coming online in most first world countries.  The problem we have, like you, is being able to afford it. BUT opportunities come up in many ways to get into this or that to give it a try.

Over the past 40 years, I've at least tried quite a lot of the therapies that exist right now. Here's a list of the 5 things that have been a help to me. I can't speak for other people, but I get help from these things:

1) The forum. Having peers who already understand CPTSD with me to chat with is one of the strongest components of my healing path.

2) ANYTHING that contains a spiritual component helps me. Anything that is science only is a waste of my money and time. When I talk about spirituality, I do not mean religious. I just mean that it respects the notion that we are all connected on an unseen level. Therapists who understand this truth can do really good work with their trauma patients.

3) I have a Dialectical Behavioral Therapist (DBT). DBTs are specifically focused on connection and merging the fractured parts of trauma survivors back together.

4) MDMA and Ketamine. These are expensive, but I do have practitioners I go to for treatments on these two things as needed. They are not covered on medical insurance so I can only do them when I can afford to.

5) IFS Therapy. Internal Family Systems therapy is giving me the most healing of everything I've done. It's the only treatment that sort of has a permanent arc. The Ketamine and MDMA only help for a few months and have to be revisited multiple times per year.

I'm so grateful that this forum is free to join and managed well by Kizzie who keeps the focus on kindness and compassion. I have made some truly good friends here on this forum. I hope it is helpful for you too.

I have a theory that we suffer with CPTSD not because of the specific traumas, but from feeling like we aren't welcome on the earth. We aren't normal. We aren't loved or lovable. So connection with others and compassion between abuse victims is a big help. We came here looking for understanding, acceptance, support, validation, and even information. And that's what I get from the good souls on this forum.

Welcome. I look forward to more interactions.

[Azul]

Papa Coco

Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate your understanding, and you sharing your knowledge and experiences.

I have been struggling for so long trying to help myself, but only understood recently the full reasons I even need help.

I learned about this platform through reading the book "Rejected, Shamed and Blamed." I also discovered while reading that book, that I can only get so far with healing and recovery on my own. Working through trauma alone is...well, I'm sure you understand.

I have an initial consult with a therapist next week, who I think is experienced in IFS and trauma therapy. If it doesn't work out with her, I have a few others to try who also seem experienced with/capable of the same kind of therapy.

I'm just concerned that I won't be able to afford it long enough. But I'm hoping I can pay for enough time to at least get me to a better place; a place where maybe I will be able to carry on helping myself along with the help of peer support.

[NarcKiddo]

Hello, Azul, and welcome. As Papa Coco has said, you have figured out how to post your introduction just fine.

I hope you have a good fit with the new therapist and can make progress. I also think you are very wise to seek out peer support. I did not expect OOTS to be as helpful as it has proved to be. Initially I was very wary about opening up. I have a good and helpful therapist and have been working with her for around 2 years now. Even so there are things I would not (yet) care to share with my therapist that I feel able to share with OOTS friends. Knowing people who truly "get it" due to their personal experience is really helpful.

[Azul]

Hello NarcKiddo. Thank you for your reply.

I haven't been able to access good professional mental health help before. I'm hoping I can this time around.

But I know therapists/therapy can be "hit or miss," and may require trying a few different ones before finding the right fit. It just cost a lot to do that, so I'm hoping I get lucky with the therapist I'm meeting next week.

Beyond the hope for professional help, I am looking towards peer support. It hasn't always been something I knew was so important. But, in the last year, I have learned just how important and invaluable it can be to have connection and support from others who have been/are going through similar things; from people who can truly understand.

Even though I'm sad that we have all experienced such damaging and negative things, I am thankful that we can find and support each other. I have needed this kind of support for so long. And I know others need it too. I look forward to connecting more.