Something I Wonder

[rainydiary]

I have people I've known over the years that seem especially close to their families.

They go on vacation together, do a lot of shared activities, and even move as adults to be close to each other.

It makes me feel weird because I don't have that and also because there isn't anything inherently wrong with what they are doing.

Maybe I'm jealous or scared for them or confused.  I don't know how to make sense of it or why it is something I think a lot about at times.

[Azul]

I can relate to this. I think about it a lot too.

It even happens IN my family, but I had to separate myself from it in order to stop being mistreated.

It's definitely weird to see other people having that/doing it while not being able to do it myself. And I'm not sure how I feel about it either.

My family isn't a safe family for me to function that way with so, even if I desire it, it just isn't possible.

Maybe we're grieving. Grieving something natural that others have, but we don't. Idk

[MountainGirl]

I have similar difficulties when seeing mothers and daughters enjoying each other's company.
It is really painful for me. Watching women at , say the mall, maybe three generations of women shopping. talking , enjoying their outing - I do grieve for what I  never had. I think you are right that "grief" is the correct word.

[rainydiary]

Azul, your response made me think about ways some members of my family also spend time together with in this way.  I am not invited and the exclusion does hurt.  I don't particularly want to actually be there with them but being left out still hurts.  My family isn't safe for me either.

MountainGirl, I resonate with this. Last summer I took a mosaic class and there were two mother daughter pairs taking the class too.  It made me sad and I felt so complicated inside.  They were all really nice to me but it also hurt because I don't come from a family that would do that and even if we did it would be dysfunctional.