Hello - Part 1

[Kia1212]

Did anyone else grow up in a large family with a narcissistic mother who believed she owned my life? She would come into my home day after day, bringing my siblings along, without ever knocking or calling. The first thing she'd ask was, "What do you have to eat?"

At just 17, I made the mistake of marrying an alcoholic, narcissistic psychopath. He manipulated my family and even my kids into believing I had mental problems. I endured 25 years of that toxic marriage before finally divorcing him.

In 1996, shortly after giving birth to my daughter, I decided to confront my mom. I told her to get the * out of my house and demanded an apology for the years of psychological violence and domestic abuse I had suffered. Her response was devastating: "How dare you say that. You're boring, your kids hate you, and no one likes you." She went on to say, "I will never apologize to you."

[Kia1212]

PART 2
I continued to try to get an explanation up until the day she died in 2018. Nothing. I concluded that my ex and family of origin are narcissistic psychopaths they never apologize. It is your fault, you deserved it. You got fat, you let yourself go, etc. It broke my heart, it is still occurring when I try to explain to my siblings how I felt. You were going through something, we did not do anything. This is why you have to go no contact. I can't allow these people to be around me ever again.

Thanks for listening. It is nice to feel validated at 67 years old. Waited a long time.

[Papa Coco]

Kia,

I'm so sorry to hear about the way you were treated. I would agree that narcissism was at the core of all of it.

I had narcissistic siblings and selfish parents. I remember what it felt like to be told I was crazy and weak and stupid so often and for so long that I just believed them. And any time I tried to defend myself, they'd find a way to make me look even crazier.

I went No Contact with my entire Family Of Origin (FOO) in 2010 when I was 50 years of age. My only regret was not having done it sooner.

I'm glad you had the inclination to stop allowing those people to be around you. Like me, you endured their toxic treatment for a long time. As my therapist tells me, most of us with CPTSD are of kind constitution. We took the abuse by our families because we felt like we had to. Fortunately, a day came when we realized we didn't have to. I live by some famous quotes that truly speak to me, and one of my very favorites is "And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."  ― Anaïs Nin

For people of our generation, who grew up without any resources to help us understand what narcissism is and how it affects us, we had to wait for the world to catch up and start writing books and teaching therapists how to help those of us who lived our younger lives in the crosshairs of narcissists.

Welcome to the forum. A place where we can talk freely with others who truly understand what each other is going through.

[Kizzie]

It's hard Kia, living with them or letting them go, no way around it sadly. When we let go of them though we take a step toward freedom and living life on our own terms. This is a positive thing to do for ourselves no matter when we do it IMO.