Healing is hard..

[Rizzo]

Hi everyone,

I took a break from the forum for a while... I was busy...
I'm going through a lot... This is a safe place where I feel I can come back to, that you will all accept me...
Lately I'm in intensive therapy with my therapist... We're in a difficult process of opening up past traumas... So many things are surfacing now... Sometimes it feels like the memories and flashbacks are stronger than me... That I won't be able to get through this in life, that I can't breathe from all this evil.
I can't connect emotionally to the moments that were then... I hope I'm explaining this clearly because it's hard to explain...
But I'm simply in the process of trying to connect to those moments when everything was lost...
A difficult date is also approaching, the date I was first sexually abused.... Trying not to think about it, but it will arrive in another week even if I don't want it to, I have no choice... Just get through it...
I started volunteering in mental first aid in a chat... I help people in distress as much as I can.
It's hard but it's important... I feel there is development in my process... I feel that contributing helps me flourish.
I also started going to a space for girls who have experienced CPTSD and I feel good there... It's socially complex but it's going well for me... The girls are lovely but I have social difficulties, it's hard for me to open up sometimes and be myself and I know how important it is, but I do everything to belong.
Sometimes everything I go through feels heavy and overwhelming, everyone is proud of me but it's hard for me to feel it too... I'm going through a lot at home with my boyfriend...
We're fine but there are all sorts of issues that are pressing and burdensome right now.
This world is hard, it's hard to survive... Sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating, I guess you'll understand me...
I'm developing but always afraid of the next fall that's going to come. Sometimes I feel like I have no chance of overcoming the difficulties, but I try anyway.
Thank you for being here for me and for everyone else...
You are an amazing community and I'm happy to be a part of it...
Thank you and have a good day...

[rainydiary]

Hi Rizzo.  I resonate with what you shared and feel the same healing is hard.  I appreciate knowing that I am not alone in going through complex struggles.

[sanmagic7]

glad you're here, rizzo.  yep, it can be really hard connecting feelings w/ what happened, getting thru a day, understanding what's going on.  sending love and hugs

[Hope67]

Hi Rizzo,
I'm also glad you're here - and I wish you support through the time and beyond that you have the difficult date approaching. 
Sending you a hug 
Hope